Inhoudsopgave van August 2018 - Guideposts

I’ve mentioned before that I write this editor’s note months prior to our magazine’s publication. The world could be a very different place by the time you read this, in ways that could not have been predicted. That always gives me pause. Last spring when I wrote the August note, no one could have foreseen the natural disasters that would befall our country that summer—hurricanes, floods, forest fires—seeming to strike all at once. As if nature were throwing a tantrum, a reminder of how powerless we are in the face of such awesome strength. You know what could have been predicted? Citizens standing up for their fellow citizens, people giving all they had for people who had lost everything. In the floodwaters of Houston and the infernos in Northern California,…

“Everything in life is how we respond to it. If you never lost a game, got to the championship every time, always won—you wouldn’t truly appreciate all that goes into it.” DABO SWINNEY, head coach of the Clemson Tigers football team “To love our neighbors as ourselves means to see that we are worth loving, and those around us are too.” JONATHAN MERRITT, from his book Learning to Speak God from Scratch: Why Sacred Words Are Vanishing—and How We Can Revive Them “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” DAVID STEINDL-RAST, Benedictine monk “Hear that? Someone’s praying for you!” submitted by Guideposts reader GENEVA NELSON, of Cross Plains, Texas “God is always personal but never private.” JIM WALLIS, founder and president of…

“I got the fellowship!” my husband, Rich, exclaimed as he burst through the front door. He tossed his jacket and briefcase on my old organ in the corner of the living room and scooped me up in a hug. “That’s wonderful!” I said, hugging him back. I was really happy for my husband—for us. This opportunity couldn’t have come at a better time… or a worse one. To accept the doctoral fellowship, Rich would have to quit his job. I was a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and an infant. The program offered a stipend, but it was considerably less than what he’d been earning and wouldn’t be enough to cover the expenses for our young family. Plus, we needed to purchase life insurance. I’d already contacted several agencies about…

Family members and friends of people with a substance use disorder want one thing above all: They want sobriety for their loved one. Unfortunately, their efforts to achieve that goal can often be counterproductive. Some addiction and recovery professionals use the term enabling to describe such well-intentioned but ineffective efforts. Enabling means helping people with addiction do things they could do, and would be better off doing, for themselves. It also means shielding an addict from the natural consequences of their addiction. Enabling can take many forms: Covering up for an addict. Lying about their addiction. Giving them money. Bailing them out of jail or giving them a place to live. Getting them a job. Managing their schedule or their contact with friends to keep them away from situations that…

Hope Irvin Marston and Jerry Borland found the best way to overcome their loneliness after losing a spouse was to reach out to others. Judy Ryan, Ph.D., former president and CEO of the Good Samaritan Society, would applaud that. Her 46 years in healthcare administration and 15 years of retirement have shown her that relationships are the key to active aging and preventing loneliness in your senior years. Her advice: Make a plan for your retirement. Consider all aspects of your wellbeing: physical, mental, emotional, financial and spiritual. Dr. Ryan recommends the book Always We Begin Again, by John McQuiston II, a modern rendition of the Rule of Saint Benedict. It inspired her to live a balanced life incorporating work, study, community and prayer. Her simple take on the Rule:…

PISTOL WAITS FOR ME BY THE gate outside her stable. What took you so long? I can almost hear her thinking. It’s one of those mornings when the pain in my back, legs and arms makes me not want to even move. She nudges at my front pocket, at the peppermint puffs I’ve brought, her favorite treat. Practically my whole life, I’ve lived to be riding a horse. After the accident, the thought of never again knowing that feeling, that oneness, nearly killed me. I had lost so much: my job, my marriage. I had no idea then that it would be a horse who’d save me. It started with such a small thing. In March 2003, getting out of my car on my way to work as an administrative…

Ken Fracaro’s work as a hospice volunteer helped him see the value of discussing your wishes for the final years of life, not just the final days. Yet final-years planning is a topic that most of us avoid. Who wants to think about a time when they or their parents can no longer care for themselves? “People may be missing out on meaningful—and necessary—conversations,” says University of Nebraska at Omaha gerontologist Julie Masters, Ph.D. “These conversations, while sometimes difficult, help people feel more prepared and empowered.” A survey conducted by Home Instead Senior Care found that 88 percent of seniors who talked about their final plans with their children say it made them feel better, and 97 percent of adults who helped their parents make these plans say it gave…

TRAILBLAZER I have great admiration for Soren West, who wrote about finally realizing his dream of thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail at the age of 75 (Soul Trail, April 2018). I also hiked the AT in my seventies, though only a short portion. I had heard about a seventy-something woman who completed the trail alone. I knew that wasn’t for me, but I was inspired to do a small section in Harriman State Park, in New York. My husband, Ed, and I had been active in Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, so we were comfortable in the woods. We hiked for a while, then set up camp for the night. We cooked out and enjoyed wonderful weather. A Scoutmaster Ed had worked with heard about our adventure and surprised me with…

I’ve mentioned before that I write this editor’s note months prior to our magazine’s publication. The world could be a very different place by the time you read this, in ways that could not have been predicted. That always gives me pause. Last spring when I wrote the August note, no one could have foreseen the natural disasters that would befall our country that summer—hurricanes, floods, forest fires—seeming to strike all at once. As if nature were throwing a tantrum, a reminder of how powerless we are in the face of such awesome strength. You know what could have been predicted? Citizens standing up for their fellow citizens, people giving all they had for people who had lost everything. In the floodwaters of Houston and the infernos in Northern California, the storm…

GOOD NEIGHBOR POLICY I have two neighbors who have trouble getting their trash bins out to the street for collection each week. One neighbor is 72 and uses a walker and an oxygen tank. The other is 34, has multiple sclerosis and carries a cane. One Sunday night a couple years ago, I got home and noticed these neighbors still had their bins by the house, instead of at the curb for the next morning’s collection. I offered to take the bins out. The next day, it didn’t make sense to leave them out by the street, so I wheeled both empty bins back up the house, and I have continued to do so every week. My neighbors always say “Thank you, Pat!” with a big smile. What little thing…

MY WIFE, PATRICIA, KNOWS. I always have my Orvis fishing vest and two backpacks at the ready. I took them with me to Haiti after the earthquake in 2010, to New York when Hurricane Sandy struck in 2012. Last year, I went to Houston in Harvey’s wake. Two weeks later, Hurricane Maria ripped through Puerto Rico. I needed to go. I am a cook. I came to the United States from Spain and opened a restaurant, Jaleo, which just turned 25 years old. I now have more than 30 restaurants, from fast casual to Michelin-starred. My team and I feed the few, but I also believe in feeding the many. That’s why I volunteer at places like DC Central Kitchen, learning about the world outside professional kitchens. I have also…

MOM PASSED AWAY IN 2012. SHE had led an active social life creating and managing a food pantry. She did not exercise, though. She managed to give up smoking, but she struggled with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and emphysema by her early sixties. She had strong faith. But when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, her lifestyle choices made recovery from surgery and chemotherapy difficult. I provided support in every way I could. Cooking meals. Visiting, sending texts, praying constantly. Mom’s death was awful, the worst thing I have ever experienced. And it was a shock that reverberated in my own life—especially when I found out that my good friend Julie, a beloved dance teacher and studio owner, also had cancer. Her strength and positivity in the midst of treatments…

I’M A PROFESSOR OF FINANCE AT THE Yale School of Management. I’ve also been a Christian since middle school, when I made a personal commitment to give my life to Jesus. Some people might be surprised that there are Christians on the faculty of Yale. (Never mind that we have a divinity school!) Yale has had an antireligious reputation that goes back at least to 1951, when a book called God and Man at Yale famously criticized Yale for forcing secularism upon its students. Yale for sure is a predominantly secular institution today—far removed from its Puritan origins. But it is not, in my experience, anti-religious as a whole. Often indifferent to religion, yes, but not hostile. My own faith matured immensely when I was a college student at Harvard,…

As Lisa Shaver learned, chronic pain can be one of the most difficult conditions to correctly diagnose, particularly in a hurried 10-minute appointment. “Often a patient’s symptoms don’t fit neatly into a box,” says Payam Hakimi, M.D., a physician who practices integrative medicine. The ideal treatment plan, Dr. Hakimi says, takes a holistic approach, considering all aspects of a patient’s health and lifestyle, not just the immediate symptoms. Here are things Dr. Hakimi says to be sure to tell your doctor about your pain, as well as a list of questions to ask. Five things to tell your doctor: 1. Where the pain is located. Be as precise as possible. Is it outside the left knee, for example, or is the entire joint painful? 2. When it started. What led…

“Running is good for me mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally,” says Kerry Campbell (Running for Her Life, page 32). Last year, she finished her first half marathon. “It was way farther than I ever thought I’d run!” She and her husband, Tim, are soon to be empty nesters—their daughter, Maura, graduated from high school this spring. Kerry says it was very different when their son, Brian, graduated two years ago; back then, she’d pulled out baby pictures and mourned the passage of time. “I’ve learned now that change is inevitable, and it can be good or bad. Either way, there’s no stopping it.” Kerry writes about her family, faith and other life events at mylittleepiphanies.com. “By following the ups and downs of my spiritual life, I hope readers see how…

Cooking for Good Chef José Andrés (page 20) shares what faith communities have taught him about serving disaster survivors. guideposts.org/andres Never Too Late Widow Hope Irvin Marston (page 36) talks about how finding a new love was an unexpected answer to prayer. guideposts.org/marston Don’t Get Out of Town! Stuck home this summer? Plan a budget-friendly staycation that’s fun for everyone! guideposts.org/staycation Experience, Strength, Hope In our “Overcoming Addiction” series this month, Hazelden expert Anita Bont gives advice on what to do if you find yourself enabling an addict. And check out our video with Erin Leonhardt (page 25), whose husband battled addiction. A choice she made saved his life. guideposts.org/leonhardt…

MIDNIGHT ON NEW YEAR’S Eve. I was in a rental car in Denver, Colorado. My 10-year-old son, Rylan, was sitting beside me. A flurry of fireworks exploded in the sky above us. Rylan gazed up with tired eyes. It was late, and we’d just gotten off a plane from Washington State, where we’d been visiting my parents. My husband, Heath, should have been at the airport to pick us up. We lived 70 miles away in Estes Park, a small town at the foot of Rocky Mountain National Park. Heath was in jail. He’d been arrested for stealing copper from construction sites, where he worked as a heavy equipment operator. He sold the copper to pay for drugs. He’d called from jail while Rylan and I were on our way…

Hope: It was a bright spring day. The kind of day my husband, Arthur, and I would have spent hiking in the Adirondacks. But Arthur had died two years earlier, in 2014, and I didn’t hike anymore. I hardly went out at all, except for church, doctor’s appointments and groceries. It was too painful to come home to a quiet house. It felt even quieter and emptier now that our Bernese mountain dog had died too. Arthur and I were childless, so for the 53 years of our marriage, we were everything to each other. Seeing our old hiking sticks in the garage or the chair where Arthur liked to watch sports on TV made me long for his company. For his bright blue eyes and how they used to…

CLINICAL TRIALS Infection control was my responsibility at the medical center where I worked as a nurse. A new system had been put in place to identify patients infected with dangerous bacteria, superbugs like Acinetobacter baumannii that are resistant to most antibiotics. If someone’s culture tested positive, the lab alerted me with an e-mail and a phone call. Then we could isolate the patient to contain the infection. Just this morning, I’d gotten three alerts. There’d be no undetected infections with this new system, which was practically foolproof. Reliable. “Can you run through it with me once more?” asked Julius, a new nurse. “How do I know if a patient is infected by looking at the chart?” “I’ll explain,” I said. I tried to sound cheerful, but I really didn’t…