Reader's Digest -julkaisun May 2019 -irtonumeron sisällysluettelo

Matt Cohen’s first thought out of the car was, Why would I want to be outside the car? Yet he and his buddy had planned to walk 1.3 miles up Camelback Mountain, just as every hiker visiting Phoenix does. So up the trail they started. Right away, everything felt off. Matt and his friend are young, and proven backpackers. But every two or three steps, they had to stop to drink. They were 45 minutes in, now barely moving, and their eight quarts of water were almost gone. “Time just slowed.” From around a bend came a lone hiker bouncing down the trail with a knapsack on his back. “Are you guys OK?” he asked. “Yeah,” Matt said, lying. The man searched Matt’s eyes. “You look like you’re about to…

I always say I have a superpower. My superpower is that I’m unembarrassable. Terry Crews, actor All my life I’ve wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin, COMIC Earth provides enough for every man’s needs but not for every man’s greed. Mohandas Gandhi, ACTIVIST To read aloud to someone you love is the simplest of gifts, and one of the greatest. Meghan Cox Gurdon, AUTHOR Be kind to everyone because it costs you nothing and it takes you far. Rachel Brosnahan, ACTOR Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead, ANTHROPOLOGIST It’s the rough side of the mountain that’s the easiest to climb; the…

A SHARK ATTACK Your chances of being attacked by a shark aren’t great—about one in 11.5 million. That said, if you want to avoid being that one: Do: Maintain eye contact. Sharks like to ambush, so turning your back can be a trigger. Try not to let the shark get behind you. Don’t: Create a commotion. Distancing yourself by swimming backward slowly is a safer bet. Do: Stay big ⋯ or go small. If the shark looks aggressive, try to maintain a strong presence. But if it appears to be just swimming by, curling up and not causing a scene could encourage the shark to continue on its merry way. Do: Aim for the gills or eyes. If a shark is attacking you, hitting these sensitive areas with anything you…

FROM THE BOOK GRATITUDE IN MOTION THE DAY I died was the perfect New England fall morning. It was 11 a.m. on Saturday, October 8, 2011, when I set out on the 12-mile bike ride home from work along the Connecticut shoreline. The sun was brilliant against the blue sky, and the leaves were starting to change colors. It was an exciting time for me. I loved my job as a program manager at PeaceJam, an organization that educates kids about leaders in the peace movement. At home, my husband of one year, Sean, and I were trying to have a baby. Sean, a mail carrier, was working, so I’d made plans with a friend for a long ride later that afternoon. But I would never get to meet up…

Pants on Fire I confided that I was discreetly looking into other teaching positions while still employed by my current school district. Mom warned me, “Now, don’t go burning your britches behind you!” —HELENE RAE WISE San Ysidro, California WE WERE NEW to the neighborhood, so my parents invited a few couples over to play bridge. Pleasantries were exchanged, families were discussed, backgrounds compared. “You’re from New England!” my stepfather, a proud Connecticut Yankee, declared when he detected a telltale accent from one of the men. “Yes,” the man said, “but I bet you can’t guess where my wife is from.” The woman in question smiled broadly, but before she could speak to offer a snippet of her own regional locution, my mother piped up with the answer: “She must…

Quick Crossword EASY Alas, poor reader: Can you place these words from Hamlet in the grid? BEGUILE EXHORT FELICITY IMPETUOUS PARAGON RUB SULLY WHET Top Drawer MEDIUM You need to empty the contents of two of the five boxes listed below into a bag. Which two will give you the best chance of drawing a red ball at random from the bag? Box A: 3 red balls, 5 silver balls Box B: 4 red, 6 silver Box C: 7 red, 9 silver Box D: 1 red Box E: 12 red, 14 silver Age Unknown MEDIUM Francesca is as old as the combined ages of her brothers, Harry and Ernie. Harry is two years younger than Ernie. When everyone was a year younger, the combined ages of the three siblings was…

“I never should have eaten that third license plate.” A salesperson stops by to see one of his business customers. Not a soul is in the office except a beagle emptying wastebaskets. “I’ll be finished in a few minutes,” the beagle says. “Incredible!” exclaims the man. “Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!” What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.—Submitted by GERALD WALL Batavia, Illinois Alarmed, the beagle drops the wastebasket. “No, don’t tell him!” he pleads. “If he finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phones too!” —BENEFITSPRO.COM What’s it called when eating something exceptionally spicy makes you feel exceptionally ill? The editors of the…

Gone with the Waves When I was young, our family vacationed at the beach. My dad was always the first to dive into the waves, throwing his hair back as he came up out of the water. On one particular day, he started waving his arms, shouting, “It’s deep! It’s deep!” We all heeded his warning and immediately headed for land. It wasn’t until we’d reached the shoreline that we realized he was saying, “My teeth! My teeth!” He had lost his dentures, and they were never seen again! —Elizabeth V. Kozlowski LINTHICUM, MARYLAND TO READ MORE true stories and to submit your own, go to RD.COM/STORIES. If your story is published in the magazine, we’ll pay you $100 Dumber than Your Average Bear While visiting Yellowstone National Park some years back,…

“When you’re married to someone from the world of politics, you socialize with opinionated people. Luckily, my mother, who was Nancy Reagan’s social secretary, taught me diplomacy. Anytime somebody’s making my blood boil, I wonder what they looked like as an infant. All babies are cute. Then I smile.” —ALI WENTWORTH, actor, author of Go Ask Ali, and wife of ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, a former adviser to Bill Clinton Cover Story: Survive Anything A BLOWN-OUT TIRE Blowouts are serious business, causing an estimated 75,000 accidents a year and killing more than 400 drivers. If you hear that telltale BOOM!, Firestone suggests taking these actions: 1. Steer straight. Your car might be fishtailing, so get a firm grip on the wheel and do your best to keep the car moving in…

At age 53, Lisa Rustin slipped on a Del Mar, California, sidewalk and fractured her arm. A bone-density scan, recommended by her gynecologist because of her family history of thinning bones, revealed osteoporosis. She threw away her high heels, quit downhill skiing, overhauled her diet to include more calcium-rich foods, and started walking with a backpack filled with books—weight-bearing exercise is an important way to strengthen your bones. Rustin also began taking calcium and vitamin D supplements and a bisphosphonate drug, the most commonly prescribed osteoporosis treatment. She considers her fracture to be—well, something of a lucky break. “My mother had broken her hip in the past, when there was no treatment for her osteoporosis,” says Rustin, who is now 58. “After I broke my arm, she fractured her shoulder.…

FROM GOOD HOUSEKEEPING IN THE LATE afternoon of September 21, 1968, the crew of an Army Huey helicopter with the call sign Ghostrider 281 began a perilous descent into jungle terrain to assist a chopper shot down by the North Vietnamese. Leaning out of Ghostrider 281 as far as possible, 19-year-old door gunner Kenneth McGarity was helping direct the pilot when an enemy rocket struck the Huey. McGarity took the brunt of the explosion. The pilot was able to crash-land. McGarity was picked up and flown to the Army’s 71st Evacuation Hospital. “Oh, God! I hurt so bad,” McGarity cried over and over as he was brought in on a stretcher. The young soldier was covered in mud, with one leg hanging by a thin strip of skin and the…

Word Power ANSWERS 1. contemporary (C) modern. Joel prefers contemporary art over paintings by the old masters. 2. insurrectionist (C) rebel. The insurrectionists overthrew the corrupt government. 3. extracurricular (C) outside the usual course. Troy has a variety of extracurricular interests, including Russian literature and spelunking. 4. conviviality (B) merriment. The village tavern is a place of conviviality, where neighbors enjoy one another’s company. 5. transmogrification (B) change in form. How do you explain the prince’s transmogrification into a beast? 6. triskaidekaphobia (C) fear of the number 13. Many hotels go from floor 12 to 14, a nod to guests with triskaidekaphobia. 7. disingenuous (B) insincere. My sister’s disingenuous apology for ruining my sweater didn’t make me feel any better. 8. verisimilitude (B) quality of seeming real. Archaeologists say The…

FROM THE DES MOINES REGISTER IN SEPTEMBER 2017, four-year-old Garrett Michael Matthias was diagnosed with a rare cancer. For ten months, he endured brutal chemotherapy and radiation for embryonal rhabdomyosarcoma, but he never lost his sense of humor. People who said goodbye to him with “See you later, alligator” were often taken aback by Garrett’s standard response: “See ya later, suckas!” When his parents, Ryan and Emilie Matthias, found out he was terminal, they started writing down his thoughts on life and death. Garrett died on July 6, 2018. Five days later, the Des Moines Register ran the family’s unusual paid obituary, which was written almost entirely in Garrett’s own words and is featured here. Garrett did have a Viking funeral, complete with snow cones and bouncy houses. His story…

In clinical trials, those taking Myrbetriq made fewer trips to the bathroom and had fewer leaks than those not taking Myrbetriq. Your results may vary. TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR OAB SYMPTOMS BY TALKING TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT MYRBETRIQ TODAY. USE OF MYRBETRIQ (meer-BEH-trick) Myrbetriq® (mirabegron) is a prescription medicine for adults used to treat overactive bladder (OAB) with symptoms of urgency, frequency and leakage. IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION Myrbetriq is not for everyone. Do not take Myrbetriq if you have an allergy to mirabegron or any ingredients in Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may cause your blood pressure to increase or make your blood pressure worse if you have a history of high blood pressure. It is recommended that your doctor check your blood pressure while you are taking Myrbetriq. Myrbetriq may increase your…

FROM THE CHARLOTTE OBSERVER JOHN OGBURN DOESN’T remember a single thing about Monday, June 26, 2017. He doesn’t remember waking up that morning, or helping prepare breakfast for his three young children, or kissing his wife, Sarabeth Ogburn, goodbye. He doesn’t remember driving to a Panera Bread in Charlotte, North Carolina, or going to his favorite booth in the back, where he regularly sat, working on his laptop. And he doesn’t remember crumpling to the floor at about 4:15 p.m., his heart having gone completely, terrifyingly still. April Bradley was just starting her shift at Panera when her brother told her someone had passed out in the back of the restaurant. When they got to John, he was splayed on the carpet. His face was dark purple. “It was the…

It was World War II—the front—and we were on high alert. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: “George!” I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, “Marshall.” Instead, silence. “George!!” Again, no reply. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: “George!!!” An angry voice finally replied, “My name ain’t George!” —JAMES LIVESAY SR. Richmond, Virginia As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Ramrod straight, each would respond, “Marine Air Group 36, sir” or “Second Marine Division, General.” Then there was one young private. When the general asked, “Which outfit are…

I changed my computer password at work but didn’t write it down, so naturally I couldn’t remember it the next time I tried to sign on. I called the help desk and was asked to hold while the tech looked up my password. A minute later, she came back on: “Does Stupid sound familiar?” —CINDY SWENDROWSKI Drake, Colorado My last promotion entitled me to a bigger cubicle. Since I was comfortable where I was, I declined the larger space, but my boss insisted and had maintenance workers expand my cubicle by 18 whole inches. Once the work was completed, my boss stopped by and with a benevolent grin announced, “Now, this is more befitting of your new status.” —INC.COM “It’s a deal. You’ll stop saying cosourcing, and I’ll stop saying…

FROM THE BOOK CONSPIRACIES DECLASSIFIED THE MURDER OF PRINCESS DIANA IN 1997, a year after she and Prince Charles divorced, Princess Diana was in the back seat of a Mercedes S-Class sedan speeding through the streets of Paris, tailed by paparazzi. Next to her was Dodi Al-Fayed, son of the billionaire who owned Harrods at the time, Mohamed Al-Fayed. In the front were Henri Paul, a security chief at the Ritz Paris, and Trevor Rees-Jones, Dodi’s bodyguard. None wore a seat belt. Paul, the driver, was drunk. Entering an underpass tunnel at 60 mph, Paul grazed a slower-moving white Fiat Uno and lost control. The Mercedes slammed into a concrete pillar head-on and split nearly in half. Dodi and Paul were killed outright. Rees-Jones was conscious with severe injuries. Diana…

FROM MENTALFLOSS.COM IN A 1997 episode of Seinfeld called “The Comeback,” George Costanza is merrily stuffing himself with free shrimp at a meeting. His coworker mocks him: “Hey, George, the ocean called. They’re running out of shrimp.” George sits there humiliated as laughter fills the room, his mind searching frantically for the perfect riposte. It’s only later, on the drive home, that he thinks of the comeback. But the moment has passed. (That may have been a good thing, since George’s epiphany was, predictably, mediocre: “Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you!”) The disappointing experience of thinking of the perfect response too late—l’esprit de l’escalier, or “staircase wit”—was identified by French philosopher Denis Diderot. He was so overwhelmed by an argument at a party that he…