Table of contents for April 2018 in Reader's Digest

AS FAR BACK AS I can remember, I've been fascinated by color. I have a distinct memory of myself at six, pouting and crossing my arms and refusing to wear a certain pair of socks because “those are salmon, not pink.” This elicited a sigh from my mother. “You must be someone else’s child,” she said. “Pink is pink.” “Salmon,” I explained in my world-weary six-year-old way, “has more yellow in it.” I was reminded of this story when we were choosing the color for this month’s cover. I knew I wanted to frame the amazing shot of the Austrian Alps with some shade of purple, maybe “orchid” or “wisteria”—two of my favorite crayons from my childhood Crayola 64 box. The trouble is that grown-ups who obsess over colors for…

A MINUTE AFTER 5 p.m. on a Friday evening, Officer Bobby White of the Gainesville, Florida, police department got a call from dispatch about a noise complaint— some teens playing basketball. Officer White’s dash-cam video shows him pulling up outside a home in a down-and-out part of town. A teen stops playing as the officer walks toward him. “I could tell he was like, ‘Great, the cops are here. How’s this gonna go?’” says White, now 48. To put him at ease, White said, “Can you believe that someone’s calling about kids playing basketball?” Then he put his hand out for the ball. The tentative teen gave it to him. White turned toward the basket and clanked a shot off the rim. As a playground courtesy, the teen tossed the…

I always thought that the “thriving” would come when everything was perfect, and what I learned is that it’s actually down in the mess that things get good. JOANNA GAINES, HGTV host, in her book The Magnolia Story IF YOU TRY and it doesn’t work out, you’re not a failure. You’re a risk taker. AVA DUVERNAY, director, in People EVERY READER’S catch-22: The more you read, the more you realize you haven’t read; the more you yearn to read more, the more you understand that you have, in fact, read nothing. PAMELA PAUL, editor, in her book My Life with Bob I CAN’T THINK of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything. BILL BRYSON, writer, in his book Neither…

FOR APPROXIMATELY 17 years, Hermine Ricketts and her husband, Tom Carroll, tended to their enormous vegetable garden in Miami Shores Village, Florida. The couple grew everything from onions and lettuce to 12 different varieties of Asian cabbage, some so exotic they couldn’t be found in grocery stores. Ricketts worked in the garden—planting, weeding, pruning—nearly every day. It easily saved them hundreds of dollars a year, since they grew about half of all the food they ate. In May 2013, the couple received a “courtesy notice” from a code inspector from Miami Shores Village. It stated that their garden was “prohibited” and that it needed to be “removed.” Less than two months earlier, the elected officials of the Village Council had adopted a new zoning code for aesthetic purposes: “Vegetable gardens…

NARROW TO A PAIR Like an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet, vacation options can be too much of a good thing. Do you take a cruise in the Caribbean? A hike through the Rockies? A food tour in New Orleans? Research has shown that when the human mind encounters too many options, it shuts down. Psychologist Barry Schwartz calls it the paradox of choice. Some choice is better than none, he says, but it doesn’t hold that more is always better than less. So before making the final decision on where to go, narrow down your choices to just two options. You’ll forget all the others and feel confident that you picked the best one. THINK FAR, FAR AHEAD A weeklong trip to Disney World is actually composed of three things, according…

Slowly drive your coworker insane. 1. Set a small radio to a station guaranteed to annoy any sane person, then put the volume on low. 2. Remove a ceiling tile from above your victim’s desk. 3. Hide the radio inside, then replace the tile. 4. Keep denying that you hear any noise. (“Do you hear something?” “No, I don’t hear anything.” “You sure?” “Yeah, I’m sure.”) Get even with the person who has the office that should be yours. 1. Remove the office door bumper. 2. Place an air horn on the ground in approximately the same spot behind the door. 3. Shut the door. 4. Cover your ears when your victim approaches the door to open it. Replace your neighbor’s files with a fun surprise. 1. Remove the files…

THE MINUTE JOE SERNA WALKED into the Veterans Treatment Court in Fayetteville, North Carolina, he could feel his shoulders tense up, hear his stomach growling. He had come to turn himself in. Six months earlier, Serna had been arrested for impaired driving. As part of his sentence, he was required to report to Judge Lou Olivera’s court every two weeks to take a urine test and prove he hadn’t been drinking. Serna had passed every biweekly screening—until the week before. Positive. He decided to try to bluff his way out of trouble. “I never had a drink, Judge,” he told the court. “Honest.” If Judge Olivera suspected anything, he didn’t let on. Both men were veterans, and Olivera had come to know and admire Serna as he participated in the…

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration provides treatment referrals and support at findtreatment@samhsa.gov and 800-662-HELP. The Veterans Crisis Line directs veterans and their loved ones to “qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline”: 800-273-8255. Abovetheinfluence.com describes warning signs and offers resources for young adults who want help for themselves or a friend. The Partnership for Drug-Free Kids offers a toll-free hotline to assist parents who are seeking help for their children: 855-DRUGFREE. The National Institute on Drug Abuse offers questions you should ask before starting treatment. It also offers support for families: drugabuse.gov. Narcotics Anonymous provides support during and after treatment. Visit na.org. Source: cnn.com…

HE’D BEEN LESS OF A NEATNIK: A Florida man who’d broken into and ransacked a cell phone store thought of everything. He even shut off the power to the building to disable the surveillance cameras and sprayed the glass display counters with Windex to remove his fingerprints. Yes, he thought of everything—except for the Windex. He left it behind, and the police lifted his fingerprints from the bottle. Source: Sun Sentinel HE’D WORN A BELT: A man snatched the cash drawer from a church gift shop in Florida and took off, pursued by a church worker. The worker might not have caught up with him except that the thief’s oversize pants slipped down around his ankles—and tripped him. Source: Reuters HE’D MADE HIS CAR PAYMENT: An Illinois man drove to…

Thank you to the woman who made her son sign up for basketball when he was five, even after he pulled her into his bedroom, away from his father, tears in his eyes, and told her, “Momma, I’m scared—I don’t know how to play.” Thank you to the woman who made her son write every spelling word he’d missed, every state capital he hadn’t memorized, every multiplication table he’d miscalculated, ten times each, before he could watch TV. Thank you to the woman who told her son that she’d take a week off work if he ever made a C, that she would come to school and reside in the desk beside him to understand why her son wasn’t living up to his potential. Thank you to the woman who…

1. succinctly (suhk-'sinkt-lee) adv.—A: concisely. B: vaguely. C: in a sneaky way. 2. baneful ('bayn-ful) adj.— A: prideful. B: harmful. C: fruitful. 3. trenchant ('tren-chent) adj.— A: always hungry. B: keenly perceptive. C: horizontal. 4. beaucoup ('boh-koo) adj.— A: lots of. B: handsome. C: imaginary. 5. oblique (oh-'bleek) adj.— A: muscular. B: translucent. C: slanting. 6. gazetteer (ga-zuh-'teer) n.— A: pirate. B: onlooker. C: dictionary of place-names. 7. comestible (kuh-'meh-stuh-buhl) adj.—A: easily mixed. B: edible. C: flammable. 8. lenitive ('leh-nuh-tiv) adj.— A: soothing. B: punishing. C: clairvoyant. 9. plaudits ('plah-dits) n.— A: approval. B: taxes. C: rice and beans. 10. mountebank ('moun-tih-bank) n.— A: wetland. B: horseback rider. C: quack. 11. abstemious (ab-'stee-mee-us) adj.—A: stylish. B: eating sparingly. C: inducing laughter. 12. supercilious (soo-per-'sih-lee-us) adj.—A: hairy. B: overly proud. C:…

I don’t think I could give advice to my younger self, because she probably wouldn’t listen. ANNIE LEIBOVITZ, photographer TO CLIMB UP THE MOUNTAIN IS THE FUN, NOT STANDING AT THE TOP. THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO. ROBERT REDFORD, actor When you’re brought into this life, you’re given certain gifts, and you have to use them. JANE GOODALL, primatologist WITH POKER, YOU DON’T REALLY NEED TO GET LUCKY. YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO GET UNLUCKY. BETH HALL, actor April 1 is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other 364. MARK TWAIN, author WHEN YOU LOOK AT BILLIONAIRES, MANY OF THEM SHARE ONE CHARACTERISTIC: THEY WERE NOT BORN BILLIONAIRES. SERGIO ERMOTTI, group chief executive officer of UBS Group AG…

Curing Cancer With Your Own Cells I couldn’t believe the timing of this article. My father was recently diagnosed with stage IV bile duct cancer inside the liver—incurable and fast growing. (We were told he had six to nine months to live.) He insisted on a second opinion at the Ohio State University. The doctor there suggested immunotherapy, if he was a viable candidate. We had never heard of that type of treatment. My dad is currently in the testing stage to see if it is an option, but it was so heartwarming to read stories of real people who have had success with this treatment. It gives me hope when there wasn’t any hope to be had. ANDREA LANZ, Cincinnati, Ohio “With This Ring ...” We married when my husband…

THE NEW ENGLAND PRIMER, thought to be the first American children’s book, was published in Boston circa 1690. It remained popular into the 19th century, though I can’t imagine that any actual child read it with much relish. Here is one of the lessons from a 1777 edition (you will have to imagine the grim little woodcuts that accompanied it): Love God.Use no ill words.Fear God.Tell no lies.Serve God.Hate lies. The primer offered secular commandments as well: Cheat not in your play.Strive to learn.Play not with bad boys.Be not a Dunce. If any children are reading this, that is not bad advice, to be not a dunce. Nevertheless, I quote it both to make easy sport of the past and to underline the fact that, while the painting, music, drama,…

ANGER MANAGEMENT I taught my three-year-old, Nick, to count to ten when he started to get angry, which was becoming a more and more frequent problem. It wasn’t long before I had an occasion to remind him, “Count to ten, Nick. Count to ten!” So he started: “One, two, three,” and so on, until he ended with “... eleven, twelve.” It was quiet for a few seconds while I looked at him and he looked at me. Then, with a knowing expression and a nod of his head, he very seriously said, “Some people need to count to twelve.” MARY LOU HUDEK, Fairfield, Ohio BUMMER CROP My prolific garden produces an abundance of fruits and veggies, and my neighbors look forward to my sharing the harvest with them. One vegetable is…

MYTH NO. 1 Frozen fruits and vegetables aren’t as healthy as fresh ones. These fruits and veggies are often picked at peak ripeness, then flash frozen within six to ten hours, says dietitian Jenna Braddock, MSH, RDN, CSSD, LDN. “That freezing locks in the nutritional value,” she says. MYTH NO. 2 It’s safe to thaw food on the counter. This is probably the biggest culprit of unsafe thawing, says dietitian Caroline Passerrello, MS, RDN, LDN, a spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. Thaw food in the refrigerator instead, where it will be safe from the “danger zone” temperatures—between 40°F and 140°F—at which bacteria can thrive. Of course, defrosting in the fridge takes longer, so plan ahead. MYTH NO. 3 Frozen food is high in sodium. Many manufacturers are…

Rosacea and Alzheimer’s Disease One marker for Alzheimer’s disease could be written all over your face. In a study of 5.6 million men and women, people with rosacea (a skin condition that causes facial redness) were 7 percent more likely to develop some form of dementia—and 25 percent more likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease—than were people without rosacea. The association with Alzheimer’s was more prominent for women than men, as well as for patients 60 and older. The study’s lead author speculated that certain proteins and inflammatory processes may contribute to both conditions. Lighter Coffee Roasts May Be Healthier Coffee is full of antioxidants, which protect cells from damage caused by free radicals. Caffeine is perhaps the best-known source of coffee’s antioxidant ability, but the beans contain another called chlorogenic…

Save money by just buying bigger pants instead of paying a one-year gym membership. @ENVYDATROPIC The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money. @COLLEGESTUDENT The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it in your back pocket. WILL ROGERS Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. JERRY SEINFELD I would like to think that money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought brand-name aluminum foil. @ABBYHASISSUES I know it’s illegal to launder money, so I’ve decided to stop doing laundry entirely. Just to be on the safe side. @DUTCH_50…

1 It Hurts Your Heart Harvard University researchers studied thousands of American adults over 15 years and found that those who consumed 25 percent or more of their daily calories from added sugar were more than twice as likely to die from heart disease as those whose diets included less than 10 percent of added sugar a day. The biggest sugar sources? Sweetened beverages, fruit drinks, grain-based treats such as muffins, and dairy desserts such as ice cream. 2 “No Sugar Added” Doesn’t Mean “Healthy” Even if a label says 100 percent juice, don’t chug with abandon. The drink may have no added sweeteners, but its naturally occurring sugars are far more concentrated than what you’d find in a piece of fruit. And unlike oranges and apples, which are high…

I became CEO in 2006, and it was a matter of some pride to my family but not too much. I went home to visit my mother in Madras, India. She woke me up at seven o’clock and said, “Come on, get ready.” I said, “I’m on vacation. How about noon today?” She said, “No. People are coming to visit, so get up.” She made me sort of dress up and sit there, and then a steady stream of third cousins, fifth cousins, and 20th cousins all started to show up. And each of them would look at me and say, “Oh, hello,” and then go to my mom and say, “You should feel so proud that you brought up this daughter, and you brought up your child so well.”…

IN 2015, more than 125,000 organs, mostly kidneys, were transplanted from one human being to another in the United States. Sometimes the donor was a living volunteer. Usually, though, he or she was the victim of a car accident, a stroke, a heart attack, or a similar sudden event that had terminated the life of an otherwise healthy individual. But a lack of suitable donors, particularly as cars get safer and first aid becomes more effective, means the supply of organs is limited. Many people therefore die waiting for a transplant. That has led researchers to study the question of how to build organs from scratch. One promising approach is to print them. Lots of things are made these days using three-dimensional printing, and there seems to be no reason…

MY WIFE AND I were watching a documentary about Navy SEALs going through POW training. Part of the exercise called for them to be placed in dog cages to simulate being captured. “You know,” I said to her, “when I was in the service, I went through similar training.” I expected her to be awed and impressed. Instead, she asked, “Do you think you can still fit in the cage?” JOHN UMHEY, Bluffton, South Carolina WHILE STATIONED at Fort Hood in Texas, I encountered a major on the sidewalk. As I saluted him, I noticed that his name tag was upside down. Being the good supply sergeant that I was, I brought it to his attention. He stopped, tilted the name tag up, and read it. “Looks OK to me,” he…

Last year we named Gallatin, Tennessee, the Nicest Place in America, and residents there were delighted. Well, most of them were. “Eighty percent of the population is thrilled with the title,” Mayor Paige Brown told us. The rest didn’t appreciate our letting the world in on the secrets of this city about 30 miles from Nashville. We do accept some of the blame for the uptick in tourism in the past year. Applications for building developments have also spiked, though this city of about 36,000 was booming before we arrived. In fact, that’s one of the things we loved about Gallatin—that its farm-town friendliness has grown right along with the city. And the residents are making plans to hold on to that niceness far into the future. Brown says that…

Dear Stars of the Culinary Firmament Sirs Cretins, My wife family friends business colleagues and I had the privilege dubious pleasure gross misfortune of dining at your establishment on (insert date) It was certainly a visit I won’t forget in a hurry. The starters took so long to arrive, I almost died with the sheer pleasure of anticipation. grew a beard. broke into the kitchen and made them myself. And when they did arrive, they were a revelation. an abomination. not big enough to satisfy a gerbil after bariatric surgery. The steak that followed was exquisitely flavored and expertly cooked à point. probably once known as Yoda. so rare, it was asking for an appointment at the vet. As for the sauce, it was out of this world. out of…

SOON AFTER the offering plate had been passed around, a parishioner announced that someone had accidentally dropped in his or her hearing aid. There was a period of silence, followed by a congregant suggesting, “Maybe you should say that a little louder.” STEVEN BROWNING, Bremerton, Washington MY GRANDDAUGHTER had just turned five when my wife asked whether she was being a good girl. After a deep sigh and a thoughtful pause, she responded, “You know, I’m doing the best I can.” M.F., via mail I WAS AT the hardware store to get a duplicate of my car key made when the store clerk asked, “You’re a model?” It was exactly what a woman in her mid-30s wanted to hear. “Well, no, I’m not,” I said, blushing. “But I’m very flattered that—” He…

A CROWD hovered over the man lying on the grass as his skin turned purple. Chera Kowalski crouched next to his limp body, a small syringe in her gloved hand. Squeeze. The antidote filled the man’s nostril. The purple faded. Then it came back. Kowalski’s heart raced. “We only gave him one, and he needs another!” she called to a security guard in McPherson Square Park, a tranquil patch of green in one of Philadelphia’s roughest neighborhoods. “He’s dying,” said a bystander as the tension mounted around lunchtime one weekday last summer. “Where is the ambulance?” another woman begged. Squeeze. As the mist entered the man’s nose, Kowalski dropped the second syringe and put her palm on his sternum. Knead. Knead. Knead. Nothing. She switched to knuckles. Knead. Knead. Knead.…

AS I MINDLESSLY OPEN my daughter’s lunch box to empty it, a small scrap of paper floats to the floor. Still with my mind elsewhere, I bend over to pick it up. The word Mom catches my attention. Mom, thanks for making me a yummy lunch. Though in ten years of packing lunches I’ve never left a note in my kids’ lunch boxes, my eight-year-old deliberately planned this one, held on to the thought during recess, wrote it as soon as she got back to class, and remembered to put it in her lunch box. If I’ve ever complained about making lunches before, I never will again. I’m grateful that I get to make lunches—and for a lesson on appreciating the tiniest of things. NINA PALMER, Ladera Ranch, California ABOUT 15…

■ “Thank you, waterfalls, or as I like to call you, fish roller coasters.” ■ “Thank you, quilts, for being blankets made of other tiny blankets.” ■ “Thank you, zebras, for being the perfect referees for a game of horse.” ■ “Thank you, the word o’clock, for letting me know that time is Irish.” ■ “Thank you, website button that says ‘Forgot My Password,’ for basically being my password.” ■ “Thank you, gummy worms, for being excellent bait if I want to catch Swedish Fish.” ■ “Thank you, cliffhangers, for …”…