NEXTの May 2018 の目次

It takes a lot to distract me from a cricket match between New Zealand and Australia – especially when I’m sitting in the stand at Eden Park with sixes flying around me. But that was the scenario when my phone beeped with the message that Toni Street was having a baby boy – and that her best friend was acting as her surrogate. While the Black Caps slammed ball after ball our way, and some lucky guy reached down and grabbed a $50,000 one-handed catch, I sat oblivious, excitedly writing a message of congratulations to Toni. Was I shocked? Yes, a little, because surrogacy is a complicated route to go down. But I also knew how important this was to Toni and her husband Matt. Last year Toni opened up…

We are so ready to criticise the brave women who get up on stage and do one of the most terrifying things in the world When I first started at the NZ International Comedy Festival back in 2009, I used to always hear people go on about ‘Kiwis not being funny’. Amid a pitch to an advertising agency, one of the creatives said, “I love the Comedy Fest, but I only go and see the internationals.” When I asked him which internationals he enjoyed he said, “I loved Wilson Dixon – the American cowboy…” I smiled to myself and said nothing. I knew one day he’d work that one out, or others around him would already know and he’d maybe have to feast on his own tasty words. A country’s…

Toni’s husband Matt and Sophie’s husband Michael on their surrogacy journey Matt: Before the idea of surrogacy came up, I’d resigned myself to the fact we wouldn’t have more children. It’s not that I didn’t want a third child, but there was no way I was going to let Toni risk her health again. When Sophie made her amazing offer, I was tentative. I went into analytical mode; I weighed up the implications for both our families. I was definitely more hesitant than Toni, who is ruled by her heart. I couldn’t help but focus on all the possible outcomes, and I needed to know 100% that Sophie and Mike were on board. Even throughout the six-month process, I was still not entirely sure it would happen at the end.…

‘EVERYONE TOLD US THIS IS WHAT YOU DO: WORK AND PAY A MORTGAGE. WE GOT TO THAT POINT WHERE WE WERE LIKE,“THERE’S GOT TO BE MORE TO IT THAN THIS”’ That Kiwi dream of working hard, getting your quarter acre paradise, and paying off the mortgage wasn’t all it was cracked up to be for 38-year-old Sophie Stokes and her husband Carl Dickens, 47. The realisation came to Sophie when she was home one day just how quickly her four kids – Kasha, 13, Triton, nine, Ronin, seven, and Cove, four – were growing up, and how fast time would fly before they’d be leaving the nest. The fact the couple were so busy doing everything else except spending time with their children hit her like a ton of bricks.…

 The morning after my eldest daughter leaves home and moves into a university hostel, my phone starts beeping. “My wallet has been stolen!” she cries. Texts flood my inbox. “I’ve had things bought on my card!” PARENTS HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE INTENSELY INVOLVED IN THEIR KIDS’ LIVES, ACCORDING TO EXPERTS I had planned to spend my first morning without her by meeting a friend for a coffee. Instead, I reorganise my day to help my daughter. I pick her up from her hostel, and rush to the police station to help her file a police report. Reparking the car, I help her get a replacement bank card. While she is applying for another driver’s licence, I fill in an insurance claim for the stolen items. After buying her lunch, I…

turn on you? But it’s not just the more… how do we put this delicately… bowel-like symptoms that can indicate a gut health imbalance, it’s the other factors we often ignore. As a very wise man once said: All disease begins in the gut. That man was Hippocrates, and you know he was wise because a) he wore a toga and b) he had a doctor’s oath named after him. But you haven’t come here to learn about a man who died in 370BC, you’ve come here to stop your after-lunch bloat keeping you out of your favourite pair of jeans. And that, my friend, we can help you with. Skin problems, digestive issues, mood, immunity, and yes, the dreaded bloat, your gut is often the Wizard of Oz behind…

Food Beauty Fashion Home…

I mostly use Tailor Skincare products (obviously). But I also like to experiment with other natural products and new ingredients. IN THE MORNING I keep it simple(ish). I cleanse with the Tailor Towel and warm water to remove excess oil from the night. Then I apply Tailor Renew; the grape seed extract helps to defend skin against UV damage during the day. I apply Tailor Your Blend; my blend is 5.6 (our newest combo available for anti-ageing). If I’m going to be spending time outdoors I’ll use Frankie Apothecary SPF 50+ on my skin, otherwise I don’t wear sunblock during the day. Lastly, I apply the Tailor Glow Pot to my cheeks and around the eye area as a highlight, with a natural mascara and brown pencil. At the moment…

Ricotta epitomises the ethos of Italian cooking that nothing should go to waste ITALIAN STAPLE Ricotta is used in almost every aspect of Italian cooking, from baking into desserts, adding a creamy texture to pastas, or dressing up a cheese platter. Originally made from whey left behind in the making of cheeses like pecorino or mozzarella, ricotta epitomises the ethos of Italian cooking that nothing should ever go to waste. The word ricotta translates as ‘re-cooked’ as you are reheating and stripping proteins from the whey left over from making another cheese. Today it is commonly made from fresh milk or a combination of milk and whey as the result is creamier than plain whey ricotta. DO IT YOURSELF Ricotta is relatively simple to make yourself, by heating milk (or…

CALLING ALL FOODIES! For a fun, food-filled weekend head to the Claudelands events centre in Hamilton for the Great NZ Food Show. Not only is it your chance to indulge in your favourite morsels, there are many activities to see including a mystery cook-off and cooking demonstrations. Wintec will also be holding cooking classes for those wanting to brush up on their skills. May 5 and 6. $15. greatnzfoodshow.co.nz FULL OF BEANS The day doesn’t really begin until you’ve had a coffee, and L’OR espresso capsules will help kickstart your day. There are eight different blends to choose from, including favourites like Ristretto and Supremo, and all are aromatic and flavourful. Best of all, the capsules fit perfectly into your Nespresso coffee machine. $8.50 A LITTLE KINDNESS The authors…

LIVE THE LUXURY LIFE If getting away from it all is your priority, take the easy 80-minute flight from Nadi airport on Fiji’s main island and let the lush rainforests of the garden island of Taveuni transport you to a life more luxurious. Stay at the award-winning Taveuni Palms and indulge in the absolute relaxation that comes from having seven personal staff take care of your every need, including a personal chef who will design for you a bespoke menu packed full of fresh Pacific flavours. Tearing yourself away from your private villa might be difficult, but swimming under spectacular waterfalls in the nearby Bouma National Park cannot be missed. LIVE THE INTREPID LIFE Savusavu, a vibrant town on Fiji’s second biggest island Vanua Levu, is just over an hour’s…

Fresh faced Made from 99.7% natural ingredients, Wild Fern Manuka Honey Refreshing Facial Wash (RRP $19.40) is designed to leave skin feeling fresh, hydrated and nourished. It includes Sweet Orange Oil to detoxify skin, Willowbark Extract to deeply cleanse pores, plus Sesame Oil and Hibiscus Extract for a more youthful complexion. wildferns.co.nz Perfect pair Devonport Chocolates have put their imagination into action with this gorgeous chocolate handbag and shoe. The ‘Betty’ set is made from delicious milk and white chocolate with a hand-painted pattern. Purchase individually or together in a gift tower. Betty shoe, RRP $84.90; handbag, RRP $99.90; and tower, RRP $180. devonportchocolates.co.nz Coming up roses For winter-weary skin there’s no better moisturiser than Dr Hauschka’s Rose Day Cream. Perfect for dry and sensitive skin types, it nourishes, calms…

GET THEIR LOOK 1 OSMOSIS PERFORMANCE WEAR SATIN FOUNDATION, $95. 2 SMASHBOX L.A. LIGHTS BLUSH AND HIGHLIGHT PALETTE,$69. 3 SMASHBOX FULL EXPOSURE EYE SHADOW PALETTE, $129. 4 BENEFIT BADGAL BANG! VOLUMIZING MASCARA, $45. 5 ELIZABETH ARDEN BEAUTIFUL COLOR NATURAL EYEBROW PENCIL $42. 6 ANTIPODES DIVINE FACE OIL: AVOCADO & ROSEHIP, $35.…

‘Carrying Toni’s baby is a very simple way for me to help. It wasn’t a hard decision’ Twice in their 23-year friendship, Sophie Braggins has felt powerless to help her best friend Toni Street. The worst time, in 2002, was after Toni’s 14-year-old brother Stephen lost his life in a devastating farm accident. The second, just a few years ago, when the broadcasting star was left fighting for her life after being struck down by a rare autoimmune disease. “Bad things have happened in Toni’s life,” explains the businesswoman and mum-of-two, who is acting as a surrogate for Toni and her husband Matt France. “So the way I see it, carrying Toni’s baby is actually just a very simple way for me to help. It wasn’t a hard decision at…

Mum-of-three Kathleen Hamilton can run a household with military precision, effectively juggling school and kindy drop-offs with cooking, cleaning and mountains of washing. But when it came to the 42-year-old finding a paying job after eight years of raising kids, even the local supermarket didn’t see her as a suitable employee. “That was when I got really upset and down about it,” recalls Kathleen, who prior to becoming a mum enjoyed roles in administration and sales. “It was a job as a grocery assistant, and when I asked about it at the checkout, without saying in so many words, she told me it was more of a male role.” Sadly, Kathleen’s experience is in no way an isolated one – few would deny mothers returning to work after a career…

Interior designer Alice Harland Anderson, 37, lives in Wellington with her husband; son, seven; and stepdaughter, 13. Sarah Lang, 38, is a magazine writer in Wellington. She’s married and has a three-year-old son. Freelance writer and Wellingtonian Nicki Roberts, 44, is married and has a son, eight, and a daughter, 10. Emma McGahan, 33, is an IT technical adviser from Wellington. She is married with a daughter, two. Rachael Russell, 39, is the editor of NEXT. She lives in Auckland with her husband and sons, nine and seven. CHANGING THE CULTURE Rachael: What are your thoughts about Me Too and how relevant that is to New Zealand women? Alice: I think we are used to it in NZ. Not like that crazy stuff that’s happening in the States, but you’re…

In her hand, Joan felt the weight of an ancient gift of Nature Joan Wiffen - Palaeontologist 1922-2009 – Born in Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand. Joan’s father didn’t believe women needed an education. They should just marry and have a family. So Joan had to leave school when she turned 16. She served six years in the Women’s Auxiliary Air Force. When she did marry, Joan enjoyed family trips to the beach or into the hills of Hawke’s Bay, to collect rocks. Then one day someone gave her an ammonite, a fossilised, coiled sea creature that had been buried for millions of years. In her hand, Joan felt the weight of an ancient gift of Nature. She longed to find more for herself. Joan may not have had much education,…

1 INCREASE YOUR AMOUNT OF GOOD BACTERIA To get things off to a great start, look for yoghurt that includes live active cultures – like a delicious Greek yoghurt – and include it in your breakfast. 2 FIND SOME FERMENTATION Try sauerkraut, kombucha, keffir or miso paste, and eat or cook with it regularly to build good gut flora. 3 SWITCH TO SOURDOUGH Think you’re looking at a carb-less future? We’d never do that to you. Sourdough bread is made with a lactic acid starter which makes it good for your gut! 4 GO HEALTHY PROBIOTIC 75 BILLION* The easiest way to eat 75 billion live organisms (that’s a lot of yoghurt otherwise)! This supplement is your one-stop shop to improving and maintaining your gut health.…

hair  From summer’s sun, sea and chlorine we shift to autumn’s crisp air; now’s the time to repent for those summer sins and restore moisture to locks. Grainne McGlade, Kérastase national education manager, says it’s more important than ever to use a great conditioner and masque. Changes in temperature between indoors and outdoors can result in irritations and flaky scalp. To give hair even more bounce, apply conditioner on lightly towel dried hair and leave in. Use a deep-penetrating hair masque every couple of weeks to restore moisture and protect hair from the change in the environment. Ingredients to look for include coconut oil, argan oil and maize oil to secure hydration in hair. McGlade recommends a couple of in-salon only treatments. Firstly, a scalp detox to remove a lot…

With so many demands on our day, the last thing we need to be worrying about is how our makeup is lasting. From the first application to a touch-up before heading out at night, Osmosis lasts the distance without caking or exaggerating fine lines and is enhanced with exclusive goji berry complex. The key is in the formulation with specific levels of mineral compounds and pigments. These are triple milled for smooth, barely-there yet complete coverage. With no parabens, talcs or dyes, they’re also ideal for the most sensitive skins. BASE For those who are active or just prefer a light coverage, the Osmosis CC cream smooths out the complexion, and brightens skin tone with the enhancement of true tone technology. The Osmosis powder in either loose or pressed offers…

AS WOMEN, LOVING OURSELVES IS SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG CALL TO ACTION. BUT IT TAKES SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT I was in a coffee shop when I noticed a sticker displayed across the napkin holder, a rogue act from some good-vibes-only social vandaliser: “I hope you feel beautiful today.” My corresponding thought process was along the lines of ‘It’s too early for this/ Do I feel beautiful? I can’t be sure/Can’t I just buy a coffee without being reminded that I need to love myself?’ It’s hard enough that you can’t go near social media these days without being slapped across the face with a myriad of positive messages – usually delivered by a #fitspo 25-year-old in workout leggings or a bikini. Now it’s in our cafés, in…

1 IT’S SIMPLE AND ACCESSIBLE Whether you apply online, over the phone or at an AA Centre, our application process is straightforward, with no complex jargon. Life Cover from AA Life is priced to be accessible, plus, you’ll be covered as soon as your application is accepted. 2 YOU HAVE PEACE OF MIND With AA Life you can feel confident you’re working with experts. AA Life is a well-known and trusted New Zealand brand (voted as Most Trusted Life Insurance Brand by Reader’s Digest from 2013 to 2017). 3 NO MEDICAL CHECKS ARE REQUIRED With Life Cover from AA Life you could get up to $1m cover and there are no medical checks. Our adjustable policies mean you can decrease your cover at any time – you could also qualify…

Pea & ricotta frittelle Vegetable oil, for deep-frying 2 eggs 250g firm ricotta 1/2 cup plain flour 1½ tsp baking powder 200g frozen peas, defrosted and coarsely crushed 2 Tbsp coarsely chopped mint Finely grated zest 1 lemon, plus lemon wedges to serve Aioli, to serve 1 Heat oil in a deep-fryer or large saucepan to 180°C. Beat the eggs and 200g of the ricotta in a bowl until smooth, then stir in flour and baking powder and season generously. Stir in peas, mint, lemon zest and remaining ricotta, trying to keep small chunks of ricotta throughout the batter. 2 Carefully add heaped tablespoonfuls of the batter to the oil in batches (hot oil will spit) and fry until golden brown (3-4 minutes) – the fritters will drop to the…

‘I really love emailing; it’s like writing a poem in the sky’ – Janet Frame Book of the month The Neuroscientist Who Lost Her Mind Barbara K. Lipska Bantam Press, $35 Barbara Lipska is the ultimate brainiac. She’s a neuroscientist and the director of the human brain bank at the National Institute of Mental Health in the US. In her ‘office’ she’s surrounded by dozens of disembodied brains. Some float in jars of formalin. Others are kept rock solid in freezers. She cuts them into microscopic pieces and studies them. But despite her intimate relationship with the human brain, she never appreciated what it was like to experience mental illness until she, herself, descended into madness. It started one day in 2015 when Lipska reached out to turn on her…

ADAIRS www.adairs.co.nz ANNAH STRETTON www.annahstretton.co.nz CHAOS & HARMONY www.chaosandharmonyshoes.com CHARMAINE REVELEY www.charmainereveley.co.nz CITTÀ www.cittadesign.com COLETTE BY COLETTE HAYMAN www.colettehayman.com.au CUE www.cue.cc EVOLUTION www.evolutionclothing.co.nz EZIBUY www.ezibuy.com FARMERS www.farmers.co.nz FREEDOM FURNITURE www.freedomfurniture.co.nz GLASSONS www.glassons.com GREEN WITH ENVY www.greenwithenvy.co.nz H & Mwww.hm.com/nz HANNAHS www.hannahs.co.nz KATE SYLVESTER www.katesylvester.com KETZ-KE www.ketz-ke.com KIKKI.K www.kikki-k.com LINDI KINGI www.lindikingi.co.nz LOVISA www.lovisa.com/nz MISS WILSON www.kathrynwilson.com MUSE BOUTIQUE www.museboutique.co.nz NOOD www.nood.co.nz REDCURRENT www.redcurrent.co.nz REPERTOIRE www.repertoire.co.nz SILK AND STEEL www.silkandsteel.co.nz SEED HERITAGE www.seedheritage.co.nz SMITH & CAUGHEY’S www.smithandcaugheys.co.nz SUPERETTE www.superette.co.nz THE SHELTER www.theshelteronline.co.nz THE WAREHOUSE www.thewarehouse.co.nz TK STORE www.tk.net.nz TRELISE COOPER www.trelisecooper.com VERONIKA MAINE www.veronikamaine.co.nz WORLD…

With his too long fringe in his eyes, I find it hard to think this little guy is going to become the patriarchy “I’d like to write an essay in praise of men,” I said to the editor. They’ve been getting a hard time lately. My son is growing up and I don’t want him thinking everything to do with masculinity is harsh and sleazy and shameful. “Oh-kay,” she said. So when it was the kids’ bedtime, I sat down with my laptop. I made a new word document. I called it ‘We’re not all Harveys’. Let’s see. Bill Nighy! He’s lovely. Lin-Manuel Miranda; John Campbell; Nick Cave; ooh Idris Elba; that guy from that Scandi noir who’s sort of balding and podgy but hot…. Oh shit. I’m objectifying men!…

The websites I check every day are… Newshub.co.nz, of course! And when I get up I flick through UK news websites and Twitter. Most of my time is taken up by… Werk werk werk werk werk. But this is not a bad thing. I meet interesting people who trust me to tell their stories, I travel to amazing places and have a very genuine belief in the importance of journalism. If I were a billionaire… I would really like there to be no more homelessness and rough sleeping. My typical day… There’s no such thing as a typical week. For example, some days start at 3.30am for live crosses to Newshub at 6pm, others start with emails and checking news. When NZ is asleep during the day UK time…

Surrogacy involves a woman agreeing to carry a child for another couple on the understanding she will pass the child to them to raise from birth. Fertility Associates estimates fewer than 20 surrogacies occur each year in New Zealand. Most are by in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) and are arranged through a fertility clinic. These surrogate arrangements need to be approved by the Ethics Committee on Assisted Reproductive Technology (ECART), to make sure they’re in the best interests of the child. The intending parent/s must either be unable to gestate a pregnancy; or have a medical condition that prevents or makes pregnancy unsafe. The surrogate mother must have finished her own family. Intending parents must be assessed by Oranga Tamariki (Ministry for Children) and approved as suitable adoptive parents. Under NZ law,…

Mothers who returned to work with under-fives  “I went back to work because I wanted the income. There were lots of other mums at work, and I had a supportive boss. My partner at the time was a stay-at-home dad so we didn’t have to put the kids into daycare. I did miss my baby and had a lot of guilt about leaving him. He wouldn’t take a bottle so when I came home he immediately wanted to feed then I’d feel guilty because what I wanted was a little time to myself. I didn’t have family close by to call on for babysitting or advice; I had to learn to listen to my own instincts. I am not a perfect mum but I do my best and that’s absolutely…

1 $300 FROM TOP: 1 URBAN LIGHT PULLOVER, $60, EZIBUY. 2 TEE, $15, GLASSONS. 3 SKIRT, $149, RANDOM FASHIONS. 4 WHISTLE ORCHID HOOPS, $15, FARMERS. 5 RING PURSE, $32, COLETTE BY COLETTE HAYMAN. 6 LACE-UP SNEAKERS, $30 ,GLASSONS. 2 $400 FROM TOP: 1 NEXT COLOURBLOCK DRESS, $60, EZIBUY. 2 DOUBLE ANGEL WING CHARM EARRINGS, $35.50, LINDI KINGI. 3 STRAP BOX BAG, $40, GLASSONS. 4 SERENITY BOOTS, $229, ZIERA. 3 $500 FROM TOP: 1 RADIANT BLAZER, $198, KETZ-KE. 2 LINEN BLEND CAMI, $30; AND 3 PAPERBAG PANTS, $60; BOTH GLASSONS. 4 SAINTS EARRINGS, $49, LINDI KINGI. 5 BAG, $45, GLASSONS. 6 HEELS, $70, HANNAHS.…

PURPLE HAZE The official colour of choice for International Women’s Day this year, purple has also been finding its way into fashion collections and interior ranges of late with injections of ultraviolet and blue-toned hues. Purple has long been associated with royalty and creativity, plus it evokes a sense of luxury. With an impending royal wedding, it seems fitting that purple should feature in your home palette too. Match your décor with Resene Abbey Road, Resene Mamba or Resene Siesta. COLD COMFORTS The 2018 autumn/winter collection from Adairs has dropped, and you can expect lots of chunky knit throws, pretty pastels and pompom detailing, just in time for the cooler weather. As well as plenty of florals, there’s also bedlinen featuring elephants – perfect for animal lovers or anyone with…

SWEET DREAMS Dermalogica’s newest skin solution is designed to deliver much-needed hydration and regeneration ingredients while we sleep. Sound Sleep Cocoon, $143, is a lightweight gel infused with Persian silk tree extract and kakadu plum extract, which are rich in vitamin C to brighten skin tone. Suitable for all skin types. Put a gloss on it Clinique’s new Pop Splash Lipgloss, $47, is a high shine but non-sticky gloss that will keep your lips looking perky. Best of all, it won’t get caught in your hair on windy days. BOX OF BEAUTY Keen to try the newest beauty products every month from the comfort of your own home? Sign up to Bellabox and get five beauty samples delivered for $25. Inspired by the ever popular Birchbox in the US, Australians…

Eyes Nude colours across lids open eyes and make them appear bigger than they are. Especially when they’re worn with loads of mascara. Apply a crème base, and then use an eyeshadow a shade or two darker to blend into the crease creating depth in the fold of the lid; continue this shade under the lower lash line. Apply coffee-coloured kohl along both the upper and lower lash lines to define eyes. Lastly, apply loads of mascara. Lips Choose a nude shade with a hint of pink or plum to make your lips look more natural; some shades of nude can be too neutral for some skin tones. There are so many shades to choose from but generally speaking go for one shade lighter or darker than your skin tone…

‘Provide a warm, safe environment’ BE KIND It’s really important for the parent to listen and acknowledge: “I heard you say you’re struggling with x, and I can see that must be hard for you.” Acknowledge and empathise before you provide any solutions. Never criticise. Sometimes we come at it from fear because we’re worried we’re not doing a good enough job. We’re hoping that teenagers are going to get their education and set themselves up for their life. So often parents are pre-using critical judgement where they’ll say something like, “You’re not going to get into university with those grades; you need to study harder,” and teenagers are going to hear that as a criticism. When parents are critical, their children are more likely to be self-critical. Safe space…

Fresh or dried? Fresh pasta lends itself well to creamy, dairy-style sauces, while dried is great for hearty, meaty ragus and sauces Prosciutto & parmesan cappellacci with brown butter & asparagus 150g chilled butter, diced 2 tsp fresh thyme 2 tsp fresh oregano 2 bunches asparagus, trimmed and coarsely chopped 2 tsp lemon juice Finely grated parmesan (optional), to serve SEMOLINA PASTA DOUGH 2 cups semolina flour, plus extra for dusting 1/2 cup plain flour, plus extra for dusting 4 eggs PROSCIUTTO & PARMESAN FILLING 80g prosciutto, finely chopped 60g coarsely grated parmesan 40g breadcrumbs from a crusty white loaf, crusts removed 2-3 Tbsp milk 1 For the pasta dough, process ingredients and a pinch of salt in a food processor until a dough forms. Add a couple of teaspoons…

TROPICAL TRAINING Following the success of the island’s first yoga retreat last year, Niue is creating a retreat with a fitness focus. The five-day experience will run from May 18-22 and includes fitness sessions at sunrise, sunset yoga, one-on-one personal training, and three wellness training sessions. Niue will also host a yoga, wellness and adventure retreat for women only later this year. A three-and-a-half hour flight from New Zealand, the island has a host of natural attractions including snorkelling, diving and fishing, as well as forest and scenic walks. For details of the retreats, see niueisland.com. WINTER WONDERLAND A hump day wine is de rigueur – but this winter you can have it mulled, at Coronet Peak. The popular Queenstown ski field has announced the opening of its slopes on…

Although I’m not a gingerbread-coloured President with a pathological mistrust of anyone carrying a different passport, I’ve imposed some travel bans of my own. Mr Stable will stay on the other side of town until he’s a card-carrying legally verified single, and I will stick in my own neighbourhood to avoid any Close Encounters of the Accidental Kind. Being encircled by a new, invisible Berlin Wall doesn’t make me feel trapped. Instead, I feel a kind of freedom. Now I have time to sift through various thoughts – and uppermost of these is how we’re always in a hurry to start the next phase of our lives, which sometimes leads us to replicate exactly what we had before, ‘only better’. The speed at which Mr Stable is attempting to organise…

He remains Bambi-eyed about matrimony while I have become a hunchbacked old cynic A phobia is an extreme or irrational fear or aversion to something. Common phobias include arachnophobia, claustrophobia and having green things stuck in your teeth, all of which I suffer from. I once drank a spider while stuck in a tent after eating pesto and it was the most terrifying 15 minutes of my life. Recently I’ve developed a new phobia which has me in a state of high anxiety: fear of proposals. I know women are supposed to crave these like cupcakes; however, and call me a monster, I don’t. I’m not scared of marriage. I’m not scared of being engaged either, I’ve been engaged five times (just a girl who can’t say ‘no’ – especially…

2. To wake up without a small person’s foot in your face. 3. A shower with no interruptions. 4. At least five minutes without hearing the word ‘MUM’. 5. Shopping without extra things appearing in the basket. 6. A car free from sand and crumbs and sticky fingerprints on the windows... 7. ... Better yet a personal driver. 8. An empty dishwasher. 9. A mute button that works on all family members. 10. A fairy godmother. Or a butler who looks like Jon Hamm. 11. Nigel Latta to do your parenting for you. 12. A self-cleaning house (including a device that picks up all Lego pieces). 13. Chocolates that last all day without being eaten by the household. 14. The washing brought in and folded without anyone being asked. 15.…