Innholdsfortegnelse for May 2019 i Guideposts

I have two things to tell you this month. The first is a story about my brother’s adventure as an altar boy. The second, an important announcement about your subscription. In our cover story, Al Roker shares how Nick, his son with special needs, became an acolyte at their church. Reading that took me right back to my boyhood parish in Michigan. My brother Bobby, who had Down syndrome, wanted to join me as an altar boy at St. Owen’s. His most fervent desire was to ring the altar bells three times when Father Walling elevated the host. He thought that would be the coolest thing ever. I practiced with Bobby, and more often than not he jumped the gun on the bells. Finally Father Walling deemed Bobby ready for…

RAISED RIGHT What a terrible start to a weekend getaway! Someone had stolen my tote from the car. Money, credit cards, medications—everything I needed had been in that bag. I was three hours from home and frantic. The police officer who answered my call could not have been more helpful. He gave me tips on handling my case, contacted my insurance company and even offered me money to get home. Thanking him didn’t seem like enough. When the officer called to check on me, I got an idea. “I don’t want to be intrusive,” I said, “but you have been simply wonderful. I would love to tell your mother.” He was delighted and gave me her phone number. His mom was thrilled to hear my glowing report. Ever since, I’ve…

WE’D SPENT THE WEEKEND AT our house upstate, my teenage son, Nick, and me. My wife, Deborah Roberts, is a senior correspondent for ABC News. Nick’s sister Leila is at college, and his oldest sister, Courtney, is grown. Sometimes it’s good for just the two of us guys to get away. That drive up and back is some of the best time we have one-on-one. You know, when you have your teenager in a car with you, it’s a good chance to connect—if Nick doesn’t spend too much time distracted by his iPad or phone. Focus and conversation can be a problem for my son, more so than most kids, as he is a kid with special needs. It was a Sunday and we had gotten up early—not my usual…

The unresolved grief that B’ette Schalk experienced is common for a caregiver of a loved one with dementia, depression or another condition in which the person is present physically but changed or absent psychologically. There’s actually a name for it—ambiguous loss, a term first used by family therapist Pauline Boss. Home Instead Senior Care recently hosted a live chat with social worker Susy Favaro of the Banner Alzheimer’s Institute on how caregivers can cope with ambiguous loss. Some tips: Put a name to it. Favaro believes the real culprit behind caregiver stress is the ambiguity of having a loved one who is lost only partially. “The grief of that leads to anxiety, ongoing strain and confusion,” she says. “It affects family relationships.” Identifying this as ambiguous loss helps caregivers see…

I STARED DOWN AT THE GOLF BALL atop its tee. My hands tightened around the grip of my club. I tried to recall the coach’s advice on how to actually hit this thing. I swung my arms downward as fast as I dared. Thud! The club bit into the grass just shy of the tee. A total miss. I could feel the eyes of the seven other female veterans on me. “What am I doing here?” I muttered. It was the same thought I’d had 20 years earlier, when my unit landed in Saudi Arabia. I’d joined the Army Reserve on a whim, looking to inject a little excitement into my life. The training exercises were one weekend a month. I was 35. Single. A phlebotomist at a hospital. I…

A HEALING BALM Dee was my best friend, and I loved her. So why am I so jealous of her? I asked myself one day after getting off the phone with her. What’s wrong with me? We’d met in a writing group and, though Dee was 20 years my junior, hit it off right away. We had a lot in common: love of God, love of family, love of writing. But Dee also had a lovely home with a big yard, a husband who gave her jewelry. She could pass as a sister to her own teenage daughter. All that I could live with, but did she have to be so talented as well? Dee seemed able to whip up articles and sell them while I was just staring at…

Battling His Addiction Jacob Leckich (page 50) shares how his background as a mixed martial arts fighter has helped him during his recovery from opioid and meth addiction in this moving video. guideposts.org/jacobl Proud Dad In our exclusive video, NBC’s beloved weatherman Al Roker (page 30) talks about the joys of fatherhood and one of his proudest moments as a dad. guideposts.org/aroker Thanks, Mom! Celebrate Mother’s Day with these inspiring and humorous quotes from luminaries such as Abraham Lincoln, Gilda Radner and Maya Angelou. guideposts.org/momquotes Keep Your Guideposts Coming We make it easy to renew your magazine, check on the length of your subscription, view your donation history or manage book series shipments. guideposts.org/ecares…

I’D KNOWN HER SINCE MIDDLE school. That’s why I’d felt comfortable inviting myself over to her place that night. “Just thought we could catch up,” I’d told her, which wasn’t exactly true. I had just picked out my hair, so my twists were a bit longer than usual; when wet they would hang nearly over my eyes. I flashed a big disarming smile. “I’m great,” I said. “Got some big projects coming up at work.” Also, not exactly true. I was 28, a year out of Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, working in city government on a yearlong fellowship. To my family and friends, I was on the fast track. But inside I was tormented by dark, self-destructive thoughts I’d wrestled with since I was a kid. I was at…

THREE YEARS AGO, I WROTE A story for GUIDEPOSTS about how a poem saved a forest. I’m a professional poet. One of the best-known aspects of my work is what I call Poem Store. I set up a typewriter in a public place and write poems on request for whatever people choose to pay. My GUIDEPOSTS STORY, published in April 2016, was about an unlikely friendship with one of my Poem Store customers, a timber company executive named Neal Ewald. I’m a passionate environmentalist. Neal’s company, Green Diamond Resource Company, planned to log a pristine tract of old-growth redwood trees near the northern California town where I lived. At the time we met, I had no idea who Neal was. All I knew was that he asked me to write…

FINALLY, A BREAK IN THE WEATHer.” I spoke out loud, but only our two dogs were listening. “Come on, guys, let’s go for a walk.” An anemic sun was shining. It was only March, though, and the trails would be soggy from weeks of rain. I pulled on my hiking boots. Nothing like a Pacific Northwest winter to give someone a serious case of cabin fever. It wasn’t just the weather that had made me restless. My mare, Rubi, was overdue to give birth. For the past few weeks, I’d been checking her methodically, day and night. I’d calculated her due date as the end of February. I had already spent more than one night in the barn, watching her as she lay on her side and groaned in discomfort,…

MIXED MARTIAL ARTS IS ONE of the world’s most violent sports. Two combatants climb into a cage and attempt to pummel one another into submission using almost any fighting style they choose. Unlike boxing, which is governed by strict rules, fighters in MMA matches can hit and kick almost any part of their opponent’s body, twist arms behind backs, throw opponents to the mat and force a concession by contorting limbs into painful positions or using choke holds. MMA fighters are injured more than four times as often as amateur boxers. From 2007 to 2017, six fighters died. I was an MMA fighter for six years, and I loved it. I had a lot of anger, and I used that anger to dominate opponents. In the ring, my wreck of…

Deborah Novak (A Ballerina’s Prayer, page 64) has a long history with Guideposts—she attended Manhattan’s Marble Collegiate Church, where Dr. Norman Vincent Peale preached, and she and her husband, John, filmed a TV commercial for the magazine. “It’s in my blood,” she says. “I start each day by reading Daily Guideposts.” Deborah has also directed documentaries on topics close to her heart. Both Steven Caras: See Them Dance, about a ballet dancer who later became a dance photographer, and Marshall University: Ashes to Glory, about the football team’s rise after a plane crash, won Emmys. “I love college football, and many of the girls in my ballet company are fans as well,” Deborah says. “When we’re backstage, I get a kick out of the burly stagehands, who can’t believe we’re…

“It’s not about winning. It’s about not giving up. If you have a dream, fight for it.”actress, singer, songwriter STEFANI GERMANOTTA, aka LADY GAGA, in her Oscars acceptance speech for best original song this year “The thing about being brave is it doesn’t come with the absence of fear and hurt. Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say ‘Move aside, you are in the way.’”MELISSA TUMINO, creator of the blog Think About Such Things “When there are no words, God still hears.”CHAS HATHAWAY, musician “The way we deal with loss shapes our capacity to be present to life more than anything else.”RACHEL NAOMI REMEN, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom “Don’t trip over what’s behind you.”sign seen in New York City “Dear God, thank…

5 Roma tomatoes or 2 cups low-sodium marinara sauce1 tablespoon olive oil1 tablespoon minced garlic2 teaspoons dried oregano1 teaspoon ground dried sage1 teaspoon dried rosemary1 pound 95% lean ground beef Sea salt and black pepper1 cup low-fat ricotta cheese1 egg white, lightly beaten Olive oil spray or cooking spray2 large sweet potatoes, cut lengthwise into ⅛-inch slices1 cup shredded reduced-fat mozzarellaFresh basil and sliced green onion for garnish Preheat oven to broil. Place tomatoes on parchment-lined baking sheet, and broil until outsides are browned and blistered, 6 to 8 minutes. Set oven to 400°F. To a nonstick skillet over medium heat, add olive oil and garlic. Cook for about 2 minutes to flavor the oil, being careful not to burn garlic. Add oregano, sage and rosemary; cook until fragrant, 1…

The front door closing behind me sounded incredibly loud in the cold, empty house. Living alone for the first time in 45 years wasn’t getting any easier. A year after my husband’s death, I was still struggling. My cousin had been going out of her way to keep me company. We’d spent a lot of time together recently. She treated me to lunch, brought me along with her on shopping trips. She seemed determined just to make me smile. A few days ago, we’d roamed a flea market. She’d picked up a color-ful teapot for herself. I’d fallen in love with a small ceramic music box that had cost me only a dollar. It still worked too! It played a tune that was familiar, though I couldn’t recall the name…

Recovery from addiction can feel like a long, hard battle. But in fact, fighting is not the best way to approach substance abuse. People with substance use disorders often think they just need more willpower. They believe that by fighting hard enough, they can control their substance use or recover from addiction on their own. Research simply does not support that view. The first step in 12-step recovery states: “We admitted we were powerless” over alcohol or other drugs. Such surrender is central to successful recovery. People who are sick must acknowledge their disease, admit their powerlessness and surrender themselves to a higher power and to the care of a supportive community. Why is surrender, not willpower, the key to recovery? The answer lies in brain science. Prolonged use of…

LIGHT STREAMED IN THROUGH the windows of the yoga studio. I stood gingerly on my mat and took a deep breath, trying to keep myself centered. Focused. Calm. But I’d never been more afraid in my life. I exhaled. Pain knifed through my left leg. My hip had gone out during a performance of The Nutcracker a few weeks ago, and it wasn’t healing. Will I ever dance again? I asked. I had been front and center in the “Waltz of the Flowers,” doing piqué turns in my hot-pink tutu, when I felt something shoot through my left hip. From that second on, every movement I made was torture. Standing en pointe, I gritted my teeth. I knew I had to carry on with the performance. But the doubts rolled…

CELEBRATING NEW FRIENDS In my January 2019 story Pun Intended, I wrote about celebrating silly holidays when I was a homesick Navy wife and young mom. We were stationed in Washington then, across the country from our hometown. Now that I’m an empty nester back in Georgia, I use my newly free time to make a meme of each day’s celebration to share on social media. I was used to my friends giggling at the posts. But after my story came out, I heard from people I’d never met. I got friend requests from Kansas and New Jersey, and messages from Alabama, Texas and Georgia—specifically, Statesboro, my beloved hometown. “I saw your story in Guideposts,” Clarke wrote. “My wife and I moved here three years ago.” After more messages, we…