Table of contents for December 2016/January 2017 in Reader's Digest

ON A BRIGHT Friday afternoon in spr ing, Sumeja Tulic had every reason to relish walking the streets of New York, a city she’d moved to nine months earlier from London to attend journalism school. “When the weather is good, it’s very hard to find a reason to b e melancholic or dissatisfied with the city,” she said. Yet her time in New York coincided with a seas on of ceaseless ugliness in politics and acts of terrorism around the world. “One day you laugh, and then you’re angry,” said Tulic, a Bosnian Libyan. As she walked toward the subway station, she thought, “‘Please, God, I want to see something nice,’” she said. “Enough of this craziness.” At the City Hall station, she settled onto a bench. It was…

YOU KNOW THE OBVIOUS packing no-nos: superfluous pairs of pants, leaky cosmetics, oversize liquids, and items that might not make it past security. Streamline your suitcase by leaving these items at home as well.  YOUR MEDICINE CABINET Obviously, all of your prescriptions will be making the trip. Aside from those, stash a small amount of ibuprofen or aspirin in your carry-on and rest assured that most places you visit will have a drugstore. TOO MUCH ATHLETIC WEAR Be honest: Do you really need three pairs of running shorts so you can go on a jog each morning? While it’s an admirable goal, if you’ve rarely worked out on a vacation before, don’t go overboard. Bring along enough pieces for a hike or another adventure, and pack more only if you’re…

I WAS SEARCHING for the phone extension of a new employee who already had the reputation of being unpleasant. Striking out, I asked my coworkers, “Does anybody know Julie’s extension?” A voice from the next cube over mumbled, “Try 666.” MICHAEL BEST, Alden, New York WHILE INTERVIEWING a candidate for a receptionist position, I asked one of my standard questions: “What do you see in yourself that you’d like to improve?” Her response: “My breasts.” JIM BOEHM, Dana Point, Cal i fornia OUR NEW HIRE did not have a great start. On his very first day, he was two and a half hours late. Luckily for him, he called in to explain. “I know this sounds bad,” he began, but I didn’t realize today was Monday.” MICHELLE CHOATE,…

“MAY I SPEAK WITH Jeanne Kerr?” I said, crossing my fingers. “Who’s asking?” the voice cracked. “It’s Regina Louise. I think we may’ve met a—” “I don’t believe so,” she said. The line went dead. I crossed out another Jeanne on my long list. The last time I’d seen the Jeanne I was looking for was in 1977, when I was 15. That day, I’d stood in a juvenile courtroom prepared to speak about what it would mean to me for Jeanne Kerr, my beloved counselor from the Edgar Children’s Shelter in Martinez, California, to adopt me. I’d met Jeanne when I’d arrived at the shelter on May 1, 1975—a day before I turned 13. I was confused by her excitement regarding my pending birthday. Then came balloons, cake, and…

It has been said that when an old person dies, it is like a library burning down. For the past 75 years, I have tried to share what I remember of World War II, but a day will come when I can no longer speak. Then what will become of everything I experienced on December 7, 1941? That’s why I wrote this account. A LITTLE AFTER 5:00 A.M. THE OVERHANGING DECK ON BOARD THE USS ARIZONA I awoke on my cot. I stowed the cot away, then went to shower. Afterward I dressed in the clothes that sailors wore on Sundays—pressed white shorts, a white T-shirt, and my sailor’s hat. At 5:30, reveille sounded over the intercom. Belowdecks, men headed to the showers. 5:50 A.M. OPEN WATERS, 230 MILES NORTH…

IF YOU WATCH WOLVES, IT’S HARD TO escape the conclusion that perhaps no two species are more alike behaviorally than wolves and humans. Living as we do in families, we can easily recognize the social structures and status quests in wolf packs. No wonder Native Americans recognized in wolves a sibling spirit. And no wonder human males often face pressure to measure up as “alpha” males—to “wolf up,” as it were. The term alpha male connotes a man who at every moment demonstrates that he’s in control in the home and who away from home can become snarling and aggressive. This alpha male stereotype comes from a misunderstanding of the real thing. By observing wolves in free-living packs in Yellowstone National Park, I’ve seen that the leadership of the…

THE MAN KNOCKED on Kerri Rawson’s door around noon on February 25, 2005. She looked out at him from inside her apartment near Detroit—he was holding an FBI badge. She almost didn’t answer. Her father, a code compliance officer in Park City, a suburb of Wichita, Kansas, had taught her to be wary of strangers, and this one had sat in his car for an hour outside her home. But she decided to let the FBI agent into her kitchen, where she had made chocolate Bundt cake. From then on, the smell of chocolate cake would make her queasy. The man asked if she knew what BTK was. Yes, she did. BTK—Bind, Torture, Kill—was the nickname for the serial killer who had scared her mom decades ago and who…

1 “A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF” In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus tells an impudent crowd, “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand.” However, the phrase didn’t enter the modern lexicon until it was quoted by Abraham Lincoln in his famous nomination acceptance speech of 1858. Addressing the contentious issue of slavery in the United States, he told an audience of Republican politicians that “a house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half slave and half free.” 2 “ESCAPE BY THE SKIN OF ONE’S TEETH” This is one of the many proverbs that owe their origin to the colorful language of the Book of Job. The tormented hero Job is complaining about…

LET US JUST GO THERE: With a bit of finesse, regifts can be just as personal as newly purchased ones. Here’s how to pull off the swap and have no one, including the happy second recipient, be the wiser. FIRST, SAY THANK YOU Be gracious to the original gift giver. If you know you’d like to exchange an item, you can simply ask where it was purchased. Many stores will accept a return without a receipt. KNOW YOUR LIMIT Family heirlooms, handmade gifts, and anything else a relative or best friend might ask you to wear or show off in the future are all poor candidates for your regifting closet. And never regift presents just to get rid of them. Mark any item you consider a potential regift with a…

“I Don’t Know if He Knows How Lucky He Was” IT WAS 5:45 A.M. in March 2011, and as pediatrician Michael Shannon, MD, drove along California’s Pacific Coast Highway toward the beach, he could smell the sea. He was taking a route he knew well to meet a friend for their regular Tuesday walk. As he headed toward Dana Point Harbor, a blanket of white suddenly interrupted his vision. A semitruck had pulled onto the road in front of him. The physician had no time to react. “I probably said a few expletives in my mind,” he recalls. “I remember the wham and the sound of breaking glass, and then everything stopped. I was sitting still.” Shannon remained conscious during the collision. In the quiet afterward, his first thought…

ON A CHILLY MARCH evening in 2014 in Lucedale, Mississippi, Ann Bosche, then 53, stood on her front steps while her mini dachshund, Gracie, took a bathroom break. Gracie sniffed an unwelcome visitor under the camellia bush and barked. Ann bent and saw a pair of green eyes. “Hello, there,” Ann said, and heard a meow in reply. Ann, who had two resident cats, Bosco and Junior, went inside. She returned with a bowl of cat food and slid it beneath the bush. The next night, the cat returned. Ann fed him again, moving the bowl closer to the house. After a week, the mystery cat showed himself. He was long-haired, with a plume of tail punctuated by a white tip. Ann called him Mr. Fancy, or Fancy for short.…

COULD YOU BE A COP? Could you confront a gunwielding thief, talk down jumpy drug addicts, console victims of crime, and make everyone around you safer—and consistently do all that well, day after unpredictable day, for years straight? Face it: Few of us are qualified for that ever-more-demanding job. We spoke with officers from around the country to hear what it’s like to walk (or drive) a beat right now. Their answers offer a glimpse into the great highs and debilitating lows they experience as they try—and usually succeed—to serve our communities. At the same time, they, like the nation at large, are preoccupied with both the causes of and the fallout from the highprofile shootings of unarmed African Americans that have drawn so much attention to what they do…

What do you see? A) Popcorn kernels. B) A marshmallow-caramel sundae. C) Mold in a week-old pumpkin. Answer: A. If you, like the average American, ate about 10.25 gallons of popcorn this year, you may have noticed that no two pieces are exactly alike—perhaps that’s why lumpy puffs like these are known as snowflake popcorn. To capture the intimate inner lives of popped kernels, photographer Linden Gledhill snapped around 20 hyper-focused shots of each piece above, then blended them using computer software. The result (as seen on the previous page) is awesome and intricate ... but mostly it just makes us hungry.…

THE HUMOR IN UNIFORM DICTIONARY DIPLOMACY: The art of letting someone else have your way. UNKNOWN FOXHOLE: Something to never share with someone braver than you. From Murphy’s Laws of Combat MILITARY INTELLIGENCE: A contradiction in terms. World War I British general JOHN CHARTERIS PATRIOTISM: Your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW PEACE: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. Journalist AMBROSE BIERCE WAR: God’s way of teaching us geography. Comedian PAUL RODRIGUEZ Military anecdote: a true story that will get you $100 if we run it. For details, go to rd.com/submit or page 7.…

IN 2006, A NEW YORK CITY English teacher named Ms. Lockwood asked her students to write to their favorite author and persuade him or her to visit the school. Five of those pupils chose novelist Kurt Vonnegut. Though he never made the trip to Xavier High School, Vonnegut did respond to the students with the following letter. He was the only author to reply. November 5, 2006 Dear Xavier High School, and Ms. Lockwood, and Messrs. Perin, McFeely, Batten, Maurer, and Congiusta: I thank you for your friendly letters. You sure know how to cheer up a really old geezer (84) in his sunset years. I don’t make public appearances anymore because I now resemble nothing so much as an iguana. What I had to say to you, moreover, would…

Inside Earth Since 2000, more than 600,000 years after some of these crystal beams formed, humans have been exploring the Cueva de los Cristales, an underground crystal incubator 1,000 feet below Mexico’s Naica Mountain. The protective suit tells all about the risk: Temperatures here scorch up to 122 degrees Fahrenheit, and humidity consistently hovers between 90 and 100 percent. A human without adequate gear— an ice-cooled suit and a cool-air breathing system—would succumb to the climate in minutes. PHOTOGRAPH B Y CARS TEN PETER FROM NATIONAL GEOGR APHIC NOTE: Ads were removed from this edition. Please continue to page 30.…

OUR NEW NEIGHBORS thought our Wi-Fi was our last name. So when they gave us a Christmas card, they addressed it to “The Linksys Family.” From huffingtonpost.com THE LINE AT OUR LOCAL post office was out the door, and, seeing that only one postal worker was on duty, the customers were getting testy. To help hurry things along, a customer called out, “How can I help you go faster?” The postal worker yelled back, “Go home!” SCARLETT BUZEK, Meni fee, Cal i fornia A FRIEND OF MINE had an aunt who was into health food way before anybody else in Mississippi even considered it. She would send away for special beans and powders and nuts. And sure enough, she kept trim and lively and never got sick. But her…

LAST HALLOWEEN, there was a food drive at the school where I work. Strolling by one day, I checked out the bins. There were gluten-free crackers, rice pasta, olive tapenade, artichoke hearts packed in seasoned oil, and quinoa. Another woman happened by. She smiled, then said this: “Too bad they won’t know what to do with most of it.” It was one of those moments in life when your ears hear something but your brain can’t quite process it. I asked, “What do you mean?” The woman turned toward me, still smiling. “Those people won’t know what most of that stuff is. I mean, really. Quinoa?” Yep. I’d heard correctly. Those people. At that moment, it had been eight months since the last time I had gotten groceries at our…

HOLLY O’BRIEN’S patient was just being nice. She probably didn’t realize that South Korea has more than 50 million people or that there are over 1.7 million Korean Americans living in the United States. She just thought it was interesting that O’Brien didn’t know Meagan Hughes, another Korean American nurse working on the same floor—and the same shift—at Doctors Hospital of Sarasota. “You should talk to her,” the patient told O’Brien, according to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. “Maybe you’re from the same town.” After O’Brien and Hughes finally met, they did begin to notice parallels in their lives. They were both certified nursing assistants. They were both orphans who had been adopted by American families. And their reasons for ending up at the orphanage were the same: abandonment. “So I…

I GOT ON BOARD with The Lord of the Rings once I learned it’s an epic three-book saga about destroying a hideous piece of jewelry once and for all. @JULIOTHESQUARE COMEDIAN MITCH HEDBERG was eager to hang a map of the world in his house. “I’m gonna put pins into all the locations I’ve traveled to,” he said. “But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.” WHO COMES UP WITH THESE NAMES? ■ What idiot called it a flyswatter and not a splatula? @MIKECANRANT ■ What idiot called it insomnia and not resisting a rest? @DAEMONIC3 ■ Who called it your foot falling asleep and not coma toes? @CHUUEW ■ What idiot called it a stepdad and not…

SOME THINGS WE cannot duplicate where I live. We will never celebrate Christmas inside a picture postcard. We have no winter wonderland, though once, inspired by a snowfall seen on the black-and-white television, I did scrape a handful of ice from the inside of the freezer to throw at my brother. By the time I got to him, all I had to fling was a handful of rain. What we do have is electricity. As long as the Tennessee Valley Authority can light up the southern night with strands of color, shining from every mansion and mobile home, twinkling round the baby Jesus, they can have their white Christmas. I have seen lights encircling hay bales, hung on rusty tractors, and wrapped around mailbox posts. In the country,…