Table of contents for September 18, 2023 in Globe

THAT’S A STRETCH Torn songbird NATALIE IMBRUGLIA is still living in the ’90s by sporting bike shorts beneath her babydoll dress THE BEST CELEB PHOTOS EVERY WEEK! SERVING HIS PURPOSE Retired tennis bad boy JOHN McENROE can’t stop himself from causing a racket! BRIM REAPER Spooky singer ERYKAH BADU looks like one mad hatter with her humongous headgear TWIGGED OUT Skinny Sharknado star TARA REID needs to hook herself some grub — the bony blonde is downright skeletal! RAW DEAL How I Met Your Mother’s JASON SEGEL doesn’t even get a seat while sampling some sushi in Studio City FLASH IN THE PAN RHOBH’s ERIKA JAYNE lets it all hang out during her Las Vegas residency as the singer’s gaping bodysuit reveals a little too much skin…

PRO dancers Derek Hough and Hayley Erbert hoofed their way to happiness on Dancing with the Stars and have now tied the knot in a fairy-tale ceremony! Hough, 38, now a judge on the TV competition, and his 28-year-old former dancing partner got hitched under towering redwoods in a Monterey, Calif., forest on Aug. 26. Hough called the setting “incredibly romantic, like a fairy tale.” The 160 guests included Hough’s hoofer sister, Julianne, dancers Mark Ballas and Jenna Johnson and DWTS co-host Alfonso Ribeiro. The lovers are honeymooning in Italy.…

FOOD freak Ryan Seacrest thinks he’s the next Martha Stewart and loves whipping up gourmet dishes in his spare time — but insiders blab his love of garlic and other stinky fare has his breath grossing out pals! The 48-year-old American Idol host has friends holding their honkers from the offensive odors that start in the kitchen and linger on his breath and skin, tipsters titter. Now buddies are running for the hills — or politely dropping mints in his direction hoping he takes the hint his company stinks, sources claim. “Ryan is obsessed with creating these ultra-rich entrees,” dishes an insider. “He chops up huge cubes of garlic and drowns everything in olive oil and other super strong seasonings that are seriously spicy and linger on his breath for…

COUNTRY queen Dolly Parton had folks in stitches when she wisecracked about turning down tea with a future real queen — Prince William’s wife, Kate. The 77-year-old reveals she got the invite during a concert tour in Britain, but Kate, 41, “wasn’t going to promote my rock album, so I had to say no.” But joker Dolly insists the real reason was her schedule was so hectic, she “couldn’t even go. I thought it was very sweet and nice of her to invite me and one of these days I’m going to get to do that — that would be great.”…

UH-OH! Groundhog Day veteran BILL MURRAY, 72, has been ghosted by Milkshake singer KELIS, 44, after a surprising summer romance. But they insist they’re still friends. Sure. Tennis ace SERENA WILLIAMS, 41, and tech tycoon hubby ALEXIS OHANIAN, 40, welcomed their second daughter, ADIRA RIVER. The baby joins big sis OLYMPIA, 6. RUMER WILLIS’ newborn daughter, LOUETTA, got named by typo after baby daddy DEREK RICHARD THOMAS left the “r” out of Loretta while texting! LEONARDO DICAPRIO, 48, is sweet on VITTORIA CERETTI, 25! He took the Italian model on an ice cream date in Santa Barbara. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, 73, is back on the road after canceling two Philadelphia concerts due to a secret medical problem. Warner Bros.’ second installment of Dune starring TIMOTHÉE CHALAMET has been pushed to March…

FED-UP Melania Trump has decided to divorce husband Donald to distance herself from the expresident’s scandalous legal troubles and safeguard her financial future, stunned sources tell GLOBE. “Melania is making the smart choice,” a political insider spills. “She wants to make sure both she and her son, Barron, are protected and cared for — especially if Trump’s headed to jail!” Although insiders say the beleaguered billionaire and his wife have been leading separate lives since before they left the White House in 2021, a source claims things came to a head after the online real estate brokerage Zillow indicated Trump secretly sold his Palm Beach, Fla., resort, Mar-a-Lago, to a company headed by his oldest son, Donald Trump Jr., for $420 million early last month. Although Trump’s 39-year-old son, Eric,…

GRUMPY geezer Uley Hines, 83, fatally shot his roommate Keith Boggs, 61, after barking at him over a dog at their Pennsylvania home, authorities say. According to lawmen, the bristling seniors bickered over the pooch outside their Coatesville pad — but when Boggs brought the pup indoors, the crotchety killer continued to hound the victim! A female neighbor, whose name was not released, claims Hines howled: “I told you to stop f*cking with me.” Cops say shortly afterward the witness also heard the sound of gunshots — and a body hitting the ground! Boggs’ corpse was found by responding officers on the home’s blood-spattered front steps. Hines was hit with murder and weapons charges. He’s currently being caged without bail at Chester County Prison. “Our office will do everything in…

Greens fight lung infections ✚ CRUCIFEROUS veggies — including cauliflower, cabbage and kale — can help fight off the flu and other respiratory infections, a new study suggests. Scientists at the Francis Crick Institute found molecules in the produce can activate a protein called aryl hydrocarbon receptor (AHR), which impacts endothelial cells lining the lungs by helping them maintain a strong barrier against bacteria and viruses. The team says their lab tests on rodents showed overactive AHR allowed the critters to better fight off lung-based illness. Dengue fever hits Florida! ✚ DEADLY dengue fever is on the rise in Florida, making the dangerous virus the latest mosquito-borne illness to plague America! Dengue can cause high fevers, severe headaches and persistent vomiting — and kills 40,000 people each year! Though the…

OUTRAGED nuns at a Texas convent are openly defying Roman Catholic church leaders and forbidding to give Bishop Michael Olson access to their Arlington cloister after the cleric banished Mother Superior Theresa Gerlach for supposedly sexting with a priest! In response, the bullyboy bishop is threatening to excommunicate the defiant sisters at the Carmelite abbey who declare they no longer recognize his authority and accuse Olson of slandering Gerlach by claiming she’d broken her vow of chastity. The church leader also accuses the top nun of smuggling and using pot, which is illegal in Texas. The nuns deny his claims. “No one who abuses us, as has the current Bishop of Fort Worth, has any right to our cooperation or obedience,” the sisters announced late last month, claiming they’d been…

WARNING! Pistachio nuts are prone to spontaneous combustion if packed too tightly during storage or shipping! The fat-packed goodies reach a critical mass, self-heat and burst into flames without an external heat source! MINNESOTA 14-year-old Connor Halsa made the catch of a lifetime at Lake of the Woods — reeling in Iowa farmer Jim Denney’s sodden wallet containing $2,000 in cash! The honest kid tracked down Denney, who’d lost the billfold last summer. A GROUP of flamingos is called a flamboyance and a collection of kittens is known as a kindle. And creepy, crawly roaches’ brains are actually located in their bodies! SPINACH tooth is an actual physical phenom linked to odd oral sensations, chalky taste and kidney stones tied to the leaves’ oxalic acid and calcium, which when ground…

FORMER flames Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson parted on a sournote split three decades ago and insiders tattle he’s still bitter after all these years. The 75-year-old former Cheers stud and the 67-year-old The View loudmouth’s 18-month affair starting in 1992 cost the actor his 16-year marriage to Cassandra Coates — and $30 million in divorce court. “Things ended really badly, and instead of taking the blame for stepping out on his wife, Ted blamed Whoopi,” squeals a source. “And to this day he can’t even stand hearing her name.” The Oscar-winning Ghost chatterbox, who has three failed marriages under her belt, admits “the loss of his friendship hurts a great deal. I’m friends with almost every man I’ve gone out with, except this man.” Sources snitch the talk show…

CONVICTED sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell is now whining and threatening to blow the whistle on fat cat clients in an effort to win release from a federal prison, but sources say the former British socialite was respected by inmates at a hellhole New York lockup for not cracking while awaiting trial. Sources say the 61-year-old, who recruited and groomed teen girls for the late billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, was revered by the 1,549 inmates at Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center, where singer R. Kelly was also kept, for her guts and grit surviving under horrible conditions designed to break her spirit. “She’s highly respected because she didn’t crack, and they had her in the worst part of the jail,” says current inmate Daryl Campbell, 38, who is accused of manslaughter for…

PETE HITS DELETE ON LATEST ROMANCE For Pete’s sake, it’s another high-profile celeb split for Saturday Night Live alum PETE DAVIDSON, 29! His Bodies Bodies Bodies slasher flick co-star CHASE SUI WONDERS, 27, is now gone, gone, gone with the wind! The once lovey-dovey duo hooked up last year after meeting on the set, but the PDA-packed sizzle seemingly started to fizzle after he recklessly crashed a car, with her as a passenger, into a Beverly Hills home and a fire hydrant in March — then checked himself into mental health rehab in June. Fortunately, the troubled comedian’s reportedly been doing great as of late, so it’s time to start placing bets on who he’ll bewitch next! Pete’s previous pretties already include pop star ARIANA GRANDE, Pearl Harbor star KATE…

BRIE LARSON Captain Marvel’s poorly matched cover-up proves not every superhero should wear a cape! MARISKA HARGITAY The Law & Order cop’s arresting mermaid dress adds curves to her otherwise boxy bod PRIYANKA CHOPRA The Citadel star is out of this world in a fuchsia wrap dress with an asymmetrical cape DEBRA MESSING The Will & Grace alum’s closet needs serious pruning — this dowdy floral frock is a dud! LUCY BOYNTON This crinkled creation hits the wrong note for the Bohemian Rhapsody babe…

MORE than two decades after his Hollywood debut, Billy Crudup earned his first Emmy in 2020 for portraying slick network exec Cory Ellison on The Morning Show. Now, he’s back for the series’ third season alongside leading ladies Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon. During the drama’s twoyear hiatus, Billy, 55, didn’t rest on his laurels. Instead, he headlined the science fiction comedy Hello Tomorrow! as a huckster selling timeshares on the moon to eager Earthlings. Here are ten things you don’t know about the stage and screen star. 1 His mother’s maiden name, Gaither, is his middle name. 2 He’s the middle child of three boys, and his brothers — Tommy and Brooks — have both worked as producers. 3 His parents divorced when he was in junior high, remarried each…

SCANDAL-SCARRED Justice Clarence Thomas is facing huge pressure to resign after being caught covering up millions in luxury vacations, secret loans and dirty business deals with his billionaire Republican buddies — including a conservative mega-donor who had business before the Supreme Court! While Thomas defends his refusal to report the huge windfalls on financial disclosure forms claiming they’re merely “personal hospitality,” his wheeling and dealing attracted a broadside from former White House ethics lawyer Richard W. Painter, who insists justices “just should not be accepting private loans from wealthy individuals outside their family. This is way outside the norm. This is way in excess of anything I’ve seen.” Furious New Jersey Congressman Bill Pascrell is demanding Thomas quit, charging the judge “takes cash bribes while crushing your freedoms. He’s corrupt…

VENUS is likely teeming with alien life, according to a NASA scientist who says Earth’s closest planetary neighbor may be harboring an army of itty-bitty extraterrestrials! Dr. Michelle Thaller, the assistant director for Science Communication at the agency’s Goddard Space Flight Center, reveals she and stargazing colleagues “see possible signs” suggesting microbes could be flourishing in the celestial body’s thick global cloud cover — even though its scorching 900-degree surface would instantly kill humans! “I never expected Venus,” the longtime astronomer admits. “We see something in the atmosphere that looks very much like it could be produced by bacteria.” Thaller acknowledges NASA has yet to obtain “absolute proof” to verify the existence of ETs in our solar system — but she believes “it’s only a matter of time.” Though eggheads are still analyzing…

ATLANTA TV Housewife Kim Zolciak’s divorce is on again after her former football star hubby, Kroy Biermann, filed new papers following ferocious fights over money. The 37-year-old former Atlanta Falcons linebacker blindsided the 45-year-old blonde he’d wed in 2011 with the Aug. 24 filing — just weeks after they called off their split, first announced in May. Now a source dishes things have become “nasty” as the couple is being squeezed by the IRS over a $1.1 million unpaid tax bill and delinquent credit card debts. Says the insider, “Apparently, they’re on the other’s case about not paying various bills and blame each other for their serious financial mess, which includes Kim being sued for an unpaid $150,000 debt." Kroy is reportedly demanding full custody of their four young kids, child…

DESPERATE to boost her crumbling image and fuel her gaudy A-list lifestyle, Prince Harry’s wife, Meghan, is about to relaunch her career on social media with some experts predicting she’ll earn $1 million a post — while critics insist no one cares! Folks close to the 41-year-old Duchess of Sussex are touting the actress’ venture as a surefire hit that’ll rake in millions, but a Buckingham Palace source is skeptical and brands the project “a move of desperation” because Meghan and her hubby have flopped in Hollywood since fleeing England. A top courtier tells GLOBE chatter about a relaunch is “merely a trial balloon by Team Sussex to generate and gauge interest in Harry and Meghan,” who’ve failed in their bid to become self-styled high-society leaders of the woke generation.…

INSECURE Khloé Kar - dashian’s been tampering with her face nonstop — and pals insist new photos show her nose is starting to crumble just like Michael Jackson’s abused honker! The 39-year-old surgery-happy reality TV vixen insists she’s had “just one” nose job — back in 2019 — but snaps of her overly slimmed schnoz taken during a recent Italian holiday have sources squealing she can’t stop obsessing over her snout. “She won’t come clean about it, but it’s no secret in her circle that she’s had her nose done multiple times,” squeals a source. “She just can’t seem to stop.” Despite her denials, plastic surgeon Dr. Anthony Youn is convinced Khloé’s had more than one op. “The changes we see in her nose are unlikely to have occurred after…

Big-headed KEVIN HART’s calling himself the “dumbest man alive” after betting ten-years-younger Super Bowl stud STEVAN RIDLEY he could beat him at his own game! Now, the 5-foot-2 funnyman is not only suffering a bruised ego, he’s also landed in a wheelchair. “Guys, I blew all my sh*t,” says Hart, 44, who figured he could outrun the retired New England Patriots running back. “Tore my lower abdomen, my abductors are torn. I don’t even know what that is, but I tore ’em. I can’t walk!” Beating himself up for taunting Ridley into the 40-yard dash, the less cocky comedian ponders, “Why did I even race? Stupidest sh*t ever!” Sounds like the no-win calamity resulted in a painful lesson learned! “Ladies and gentlemen, the age 40 is real,” he laments.…

THERE’s something fishy about Jennifer Aniston’s latest stab at eternal youth — she subjected herself to a salmon sperm facial! The Morning Show actress, 54, admits she’ll “try almost anything” in a bid to look youthful, so she was game when an aesthetician recommended the bizarre-sounding facial. “First of all, I said, ‘Are you serious? How do you get salmon’s sperm?’ ” she recalls. Apparently, it didn’t do much for Jen. No word on how the salmon felt.…

TROUBLED Julia Ann Bean has been missing since 2017 — and now South Carolina cops are investigating claims she vanished after being spotted with accused Gilgo Beach serial killer Rex Heuermann! Bean’s friend Heidi Kovas says she contacted the Sumter County Sheriff’s Office after Heuermann was arrested in the Big Apple for murdering three hookers because her old pal’s daughter instantly recognized the hulk! Bean’s daughter says the suspected serial killer “was the last person she ever saw with her mom,” according to Kovas, who didn’t reveal the gal’s name. Kovas also says a text from the adult child, who graduated from high school the day after her 36-year-old mother went missing, reads: “I have chills. I’ve seen him.” According to Kovas, the daughter recalls Heuermann driving Bean to meet…

GWYNETH PALTROW’s plus-sized body double in 2001’s Shallow Hal says the rom-com sparked a eating dis order — and killed her show biz career! Although Gwyneth wore a fat suit in the film, starlet Ivy Snitzer was hired for closeups of blubbery body parts. Saying the movie magnified the “worst parts about being fat,” Ivy went on a radical diet when filming stopped. “I hated my body the way I was supposed to,” she reveals. “I ate a lot of salads. I had eating disorders that I was very proud of.” Ivy had gastric band surgery that caused debilitating complications and grew so thin “you could see my teeth through my face.” Ironically, she got hate mail for supposedly promoting obesity, which helped kill her desire to act. “I got really…

CULINARY cutie Giada De Laurentiis was so spooked during recent filming abroad she insisted a female staff member share a bed with her! With no hotels in the immediate area while shooting an episode of Giada in Italy, the 53-year-old chef and a few crew members were invited to stay in an old castle that was under renovation. “The owner wanted to give Giada the best room, which happened to be in the tower, but warned her that the place was haunted,” dishes a source. “The owner said she’d seen ghosts and, at night, often heard someone running up and down the staircase. “Giada was freaked out!” Then her hairdryer knocked out the power. “Giada was sitting in total darkness, in a haunted castle,” says the source. “She began to…

THE beloved 1960s TV sitcom The Ghost and Mrs. Muir had little to do with the 1947 movie of the same name — a supernatural romantic tearjerker about the awkward love between a widow (GENE TIERNEY) and the ghost of a swashbuckling dead sea captain (REX HARRISON) who prowls through the haunted seaside house he wants to evict her from. It was the third movie role for little NATALIE WOOD, playing the widow’s daughter. Natalie’s real-life mother taught her to cry on cue by pulling the wings off a butterfly while she watched!…