Table of contents for November 20, 2023 in Globe

DORK IN THE ROAD Bravo bigmouth ANDY COHEN commits a fashion crime by pairing long socks and shorts! SLIP OF THE PENN Flag Day’s DYLAN PENN — cheeky daughter of Hollywood hothead Sean and ex-wife Robin Wright — drops decorum in a racy G-string dress HAVE A NICE TRIP! Stumbling MOLLY SIMS — former star of NBC’s Las Vegas — is dealt a bad hand and takes an ugly tumble POT-BELLIED JIG Jumbo funnyman JACK BLACK struts onstage at an L.A. fundraiser while crooning Taylor Swift’s Anti-Hero CHIN & BEAR IT ALYSON HANNIGAN — Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s witchy Willow Rosenberg — has lost her magic and looks more like lardy Star Wars villain Jabba the Hutt! BALD MOVE Seems it’s hair today, gone tomorrow for former prez GEORGE W.…

FORMER Yellowstone cowboy Kevin Costner is ripping a page from Taylor Swift’s ex-bashing songbook to write poison pen tunes about his ugly divorce from Christine Baumgartner, insiders dish. Costner, 68, has long moonlighted by fronting the country rock band Kevin Costner & Modern West, and last month got the gang together for back-to-back sold-out shows at the famed Million Dollar Saloon in Jackson Hole, Wyo. Costner, who released a concept album in 2020 based on his TV character John Dutton called Tales from Yellowstone, has been putting pen to paper for another album of jingles — this time focused on his divorce from Baumgartner, 49, which was finalized in September, snitches say. “All those feelings he has about his divorce, how things turned so adversarial between them when he never wanted…

CHATTERBOX Kelly Clarkson comes across sweet as pie, but the peevish potty mouth shockingly spews F-bombs, according to insiders who say TV bosses have ordered her to clean up her act! Sources snitch the 41-year-old talk show host and mom of two had jaws dropping after she repeatedly spouted foul language in front of the live TV audience! “Kelly’s a type A personality and she can’t help but use profanity when she talks. She’s swearing even more now,” spills an insider. “She works so hard, and the hours are long and swearing is her release. “She can’t help but curse like a sailor. She does it front of the audience and doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s like nails down a chalkboard to people around her. Some of them…

SIXTIES space case Goldie Hawn says a triangle-headed alien reached out to stroke her face after she bellowed to the heavens that she wished to meet an extraterrestrial — and the touch felt like “the finger of God!” “It was the most benevolent, loving feeling,” says the Overboard bombshell, 77. “This was powerful. It was filled with light.” She says her close encounter of the third kind — with three alien beings — took place five decades ago while she was sitting in a friend’s car. She’s never stopped thinking about it ever since. “They were silver in color, slash for a mouth, tiny little nose, no ears,” she reveals. “They were pointing at me, pointing at me in the car as if they were discussing me like I was a subject.…

LONGTIME marrieds Annette Bening and Warren Beatty have lost the spark, according to sources who say Tinseltown’s most notorious Lothario is driving his wife Bugsy — because he insists on living as a boring recluse! The 86-year-old Dick Tracy star reportedly putters around the house, watches sports or reads when not keeping up with their four children — Stephen, 31, born Kathlyn before his sex-swap transition, Benjamin, 29, Isabel, 26, and Ella, 23 — spies say. “He likes it that way,” spills an insider. “He hardly leaves the house and rarely has something interesting to say. Annette can’t stand it. It’s like living with a zombie.” As GLOBE previously reported, there’s been zero romance between the pair for years after initially exploding in a red-hot affair when they met for the…

BODACIOUS Bette Midler has finally admitted she’s a nip/tuck freak and sources blab the 77-year-old Divine Miss M is splurging on face fixes to look young and keep her 39-year marriage steamy! Bette admits, “I’ve had some tailoring done on my face,” and sources snitch she’s got no plans to stop tinkering. Her puss was so frozen it barely moved before filming began on her latest flick, The Fabulous Four, co-starring Susan Sarandon and Sissy Spacek, according to a spy. “Bette’s obsessed. She spent a fortune to smooth out her skin with laser treatments, filler and tons and tons of Botox,” tattles the spy. “At first, she was so frozen she could hardly move her face. Luckily, it got better in time for the shoot or it could have been…

SEXPOT Kim Kardashian catapulted to riches and fame on the back of a leaked porn video showing her romping in bed with a boyfriend, and now she’s using her racy rep to hustle push-up bras with fake nipples! The thrice-divorced 43-year-old mom of four released a video of her dressed like a prim office worker, wearing glasses and sitting behind a desk in a skin-tight top that shows the outline of perky fake nipples — thanks to a new bra from her underwear company. Noting the Earth’s “getting hotter” due to global warming, Kim says, “That’s why I am introducing a brand-new bra with a built-in nipple. So no matter how hot it is, you will always look cold. “Some days are hard but these nipples are harder.” She insists…

TOWERING actor Richard Moll — the gentle giant Bailiff Bull Shannon on the ’80s sitcom Night Court — died detesting his diva co-star Harry Anderson, who wasn’t like the nice-guy judge he played, sources reveal. That’s the shocking secret the 6-foot-8 character and voice actor — who starred on the hit series from 1984 to 1992 — took to his grave when he passed away at age 80 at his Big Bear Lake, Calif., home on Oct. 26. “Richard grew to despise Harry and the show over the years,” reveals a colleague. “It’s because Harry wasn’t really an actor but a comic magician who insisted on working his tricks into the show. Richard had little patience for Harry’s diva antics and grew increasingly fed up with his ad-libs and goofing around…

This Is Us stud MILO VENTIMIGLIA, 46, married model JARAH MARIANO, 38, on the down-low after admitting the NBC hit made him think more about building a family. Cutup MACHINE GUN KELLY pulled a fake sword on a photographer at a Beverly Hills bash! When the lensman ignored his request not to be photographed, the singer unsheathed his fake samurai sword and made threatening gestures, spywitnesses dish. Teen Mom 2 alum KAILYN LOWRY, 31, and boyfriend ELIJAH SCOTT are expecting twins — her sixth and seventh babies! TAYLOR SWIFT is officially a billionaire after earning $780 million on the first leg of her Eras Tour. She made all her dough performing, unlike other fat-cat musicians who reached the milestone by savvy investments. Grouchy ROBERT DE NIRO, 80, is facing off…

ROGUE royals Harry and Meghan aren’t the only ones hating on Prince William and Kate! Palace insiders tattle King Charles’ wife, Camilla, despises the heirs to the throne and is taking every chance to dump on the pretty future queen, especially since the monarch’s illness is forcing him to abdicate! A spy snitches Charles’ 76-year-old queen consort is “seething” over his decision to quit — which was announced at his 75th birthday celebration — as well as her 41-year-old rival’s popularity. “Camilla’s turned into the mother-in-law from hell,” says the spy. “She’s had a bellyful of Kate hogging the headlines and strutting around like this self-appointed savior of the monarchy. In public, Camilla plays nice because she has to. It wouldn’t do the monarchy any good to be openly hostile.…

HOTHEADED Home Improvement tool Zachery Ty Bryan pleaded guilty to felony assault in Oregon — nearly three months after his domestic violence arrest, officials say. Lane County lawman Chris Parosa reveals the former teen heartthrob, who played Tim Allen’s son Brad Taylor, cut a deal to serve only seven days behind bars and have a second assault charge dropped. Bryan, 42, was cuffed after a dustup with a woman whose name wasn’t released by police. Chief Deputy District Attorney Parosa confirms the onetime sitcom kid is also on the hook for 36 months of supervised probation and must abide by standard domestic violence conditions — including “no contact with the victim without the probation officer’s approval, treatment for alcohol/substance abuse issues at the direction of the probation officer and no alcohol…

Weight drug helps the heart + THE popular weight loss drug Wegovy may ease symptoms such as fatigue and shortness of breath for obese patients living with a common type of heart failure, researchers say. A study led by Dr. Mikhail Kosiborod, a cardiologist at Saint Luke’s Mid America Heart Institute, found the injectable prescription medication — also known by the generic name semaglutide — improved quality of life and mobility for people whose damaged hearts have lost the flexibility needed to fill properly with blood. Blueberries beat back pain + CONSUMING blueberries may alleviate back pain because the nutrient-rich fruit contains inflammation-fighting antioxidants! That’s the word of Illinois-based chiropractor Dr. Jeff Winternheimer, who calls the natural snack the “number one food” folks should eat if they’re one of the…

BLABBERMOUTH Jada Pinkett Smith’s new tell-all tome is a turkey — it’s failed to gobble up a place in the top 10 on bestseller charts after generating a ton of buzz! Despite the 52-year-old’s shocking revelation that she and Hollywood pariah hubby Will Smith, 55, have been secretly separated for seven years, readers bypassed her book, Worthy, to binge-read Britney Spears’ The Woman in Me! After debuting Oct. 17, Jada’s book plummeted within a week to number 84 on the Amazon charts, and never made it to their 100 top-selling Kindle books. The actress also struggled to get readers to give good reviews on Amazon, where she eked out 148 mentions — compared to 1,043 Britney fans who were eager to give the pop tart a write-up!…

HUMILIATED Steve Harvey’s 16-year marriage is being rocked by rumors the Family Feud host’s former bodyguard Big Boom fathered a love child long ago with the thrice-married funnyman’s current wife, Marjorie, sources squeal. According to a tipster, the burly security specialist insists he’s the biological dad of 26-year-old model Lori, one of Marjorie’s three kids who Steve adopted and raised as his own after getting hitched to the single mom in 2007 — nearly 17 years after the cigar-chomping comic first locked eyes with his ladylove. The shocking bombshell dropped shortly after others accused the former stand-up’s sweetie of straying with the family’s personal chef, which the celebrity couple insists is a lie. “Steve’s battling all these rumors and trying to hold it together for the sake of their kids,…

THE 3D movie craze — which later gave us eye-popping IMAX entertainments like Avatar — had an early breakthrough with the 1953 creep movie House of Wax. The drama starred future horrormeister VINCENT PRICE as a mad sculptor who makes wax figures out of REAL people he murders. It was directed by Andre De Toth, who was blind in one eye and could never appreciate the clever 3D special effects he created! “They hired a man who couldn’t see 3D at all,” observed Price. “He’d go to the rushes and say ‘Why is everybody so excited about this?’ It didn’t mean anything to him!”…

McDONALD’s chicken nuggets actually come in four shapes — the bowtie, bell, boot and ball — which are randomly stamped out on a factory conveyor belt before breading and getting precooked. ZACHARIAH ANDREWS’ rotting corpse was pulled out of an apartment building chimney in Norfolk, Neb., after residents complained of a foul smell. Weeks before the dead 29-year-old was found, people reported hearing muted cries for help — but the source couldn’t be found. POPPING a champagne cork can be dangerous! Scientists say the stoppers can hit 62 mph when unleashed from a bottle. PRESIDENT Richard Nixon was one weird dude! His favorite snack was cottage cheese with ketchup. He also chauffeured his future wife, Pat, on dates with other guys — for TWO YEARS — before she finally accepted…

ACTING icons Jon Voight and Meryl Streep have been close friends and co-stars, but now insiders say love sparks are flying as the Mamma Mia babe leans on the Ray Donovan hunk for emotional support over the crash of her 45-year marriage to sculptor Don Gummer. Sources snitch Jon, 84, has been respectful while Meryl, 74, navigates life away from her sculptor hubby and is waiting in the wings for when she climbs back on the dating-go-round. The two Oscar winners have mixed in the same social circles since the ’70s and co-starred in the 2004 thriller The Manchurian Candidate. “Jon and Meryl go way back and are very close, and it’s not a stretch to say he’s had a crush on her all these years,” spills an insider. “Most…

CRAFTY Queen Latifah feared she was killing off her chances for movie sequels after playing people who bit the dust onscreen in the ’90s, so the rapper insists on a “no death clause” in all her contracts, insiders say. The Equalizer star — who was snuffed out in Set It Off, Sphere and The Bone Collector — jokes, “Apparently, I die too well!” Now, the live wire, 53, will only sign on the dotted line if it’s guaranteed her character will survive!…

HOOFER CHERYL’S DRUNK SHOWDOWN Dancing with the Stars champ CHERYL BURKE, 39, claims former Bachelorette host CHRIS HARRISON blocked her chance to be the babe wooed by hunky guys on the ABC dating show because she was a “sloppy drunk!” The recovering alcoholic called Harrison out during her recent appearance on The Most Dramatic Podcast Ever with Chris Harrison. He looked stunned, stammering, “Like I have the power to decide who the Bachelor [or] Bachelorette is.” Now-sober Cheryl shot back, “They blame it on you absolutely.” Harrison, 52, admits producers might have asked his opinion on candidates and he’d give his “two cents,” but implied they didn’t really listen to him. Uh-huh. JOSH NOT FIT TO SUCK BLOOD Former tubby child star JOSH PECK has revealed his dark side —…

SOLEDAD O’BRIEN The Matter of Fact host is blinged out in a silver gown — but its oversized skirt is a drag! ASHLEY JUDD The Double Jeopardy star is guilty of bad taste in a sparkly suit that looks like jammies GAYLE KING The TV talker lowers the fashion bar as her car wash–fringed rainbow dress is bad news! JANE FONDA The Coming Home Oscar winner is a golden gal in a glittering astrological-inspired tunic JULIANNE HOUGH The DWTS regular drops the ball with linebacker-like shoulder pads and a weird waist rosette…

DAZED Donald Trump is hiding an explosive secret from America — the former president is in the grips of early-stage dementia and a top doctor warns his mental tailspin appears worse than that of the White House’s current boss, Joe Biden! In a bombshell world exclusive, sources tell GLOBE the 77-year-old New York Republican politician’s recent repeated memory lapses, unhinged rants, courtroom outbursts and uncontrolled behavior all point to the brain-destroying condition. “His erratic behavior and forgetfulness are getting harder and harder to ignore,” tattles one D.C. snitch. “It’s gotten to the point where Donald doesn’t look like Donald, or at least the Donald that we know. “It’s hard, at times, to watch.” Over the last several weeks, the formerly confident Trump has appeared lost and confused, making shocking verbal…

A PAIR of Texas anglers reeled in a whale of a catch — a massive alligator gar that smashed the scales at 283 pounds and smashed four major records at once! Kentucky resident Art Weston and local guide Kirk Kirkland knew there was something fishy going on when they saw something truly massive on the line — a monster razor-toothed alligator gar that was more than eight feet long. The dudes fought the beast for nearly three hours in Sam Rayburn Lake near Lufkin before they were finally able to drag the creature onboard to weigh and measure it. “It is extremely rare to catch a fish that size on a six-pound line. It’s quite a feat!” says Kirkland. The two men released their catch back into the water, but not…

IS Gwyneth Paltrow really such an airhead living in a glitzy bubble that she doesn’t realize how outrageously arrogant and insulting she is to regular folk? As GLOBE reported last week, the 51-year-old Oscar-winning actress is considering selling her $250 million Goop lifestyle biz and dropping out of sight. “Money has never been my thing,” she declares. “It’s never been my driver.” Instead, she insists her motivation is artsy-fartsy, “Creating, collaborating, being struck with new ideas, innovating, thinking ahead, strategy, vision, that kind of thing.” That would sound great coming from some poor soul who battled from the gutter to the top. But she STARTED on Cloud 9! Her late dad, Bruce Paltrow, produced TV superhits The White Shadow and St. Elsewhere. Mom Blythe Danner is an accomplished actress, and…

EVIL O.J. Simpson beat the criminal rap for butchering his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her waiter friend Ron Goldman, but sources reveal the remorseless monster is losing his battle with a more savage and cruel fiend — the Grim Reaper. The 76-year-old NFL legend is dying — as he secretly fights incurable heart disease — and his last days are filled with agony from arthritis and old football injuries, according to insiders who say the brute’s been forced into seclusion. “Karma’s coming back to bite him hard, and he looks like he’s in constant pain,” says an insider. “He’s become a recluse who’s scared to go out and face the world because he’s so loathed.” The paroled felon was spotted looking frail and hunchbacked as he toted a bag of…