Table of contents for March 11, 2024 in Globe

TONGUE TWISTER Funnylady TIFFANY HADDISH laps up attention in Las Vegas — after pleading no contest to reckless driving in L.A. to avoid jail time for her DUI arrest THE BEST CELEB PHOTOS EVERY WEEK! CHINS UP! Jumbo JOSH GAD — Frozen’s dim-witted snowman Olaf — doesn’t seem to be having a ball at a California theme park DESPERATE DISASTER Ex-jailbird FELICITY HUFFMAN is staging an acting comeback in London — but the former Desperate Housewife looks every bit of her 61 years HORN TO BE WILD Hats off to Ghostbusters goofball BILL MURRAY, who’s no stranger to silly headgear THE FURSUIT OF HAPPINESS House alum OLIVIA WILDE snaps a selfie with Anatomy of a Fall’s MESSI — and proves she’s gone to the dogs! WARPED SPEED Star Wars legend…

THE JOKE’S ON JERSEY VINNY Jersey Shore dudes are full of swagger, but VINNY GUADAGNINO found out it takes more than a tan, pumped muscles and bluff when he took the stage to do a stand-up set at one of the most popular comedy clubs in the Big Apple. Insiders say the reality star, 36, was awful and will “definitely not” be invited back anytime soon. “He posted a clip of him talking about being single and that was the only decent laugh of his entire set, which still was mild compared to actual comedians,” says a source. “Nobody was impressed. I’m not even sure how he was able to get on the stage.” Later, Vinny confessed he wasn’t sure where his talents lay, posting: “I’m somewhere in between being…

JANELLE MONÁE The quirky singer’s mirrored minidress is a bad break worth seven years of bad luck! REBECCA FERGUSON Talk about a Mission: Impossible — we hope this bizarre ensemble self-destructs! MARGOT ROBBIE Barbie’s doll doesn’t play — the Aussie’s playful take on tweed has her in the pink! LÉA SEYDOUX Dune’s sci-fi siren is elegant in velvet — but her structured cape is a futuristic flop FAANGS This bites — the Canadian pop performer is a walking disaster in an oddball duster…

COUNTRY cutie Kacey Musgraves, 35, has hopped back in the saddle to release her first album in two years. Deeper Well drops on March 15, and the talented Texan calls the 14-tune record a collection of songs she holds dear to her heart. Here are ten things you don’t know about the Grammy-winning singer. 1 She arrived a month premature and weighed less than five pounds at birth. 2 Kacey played the flute in her middle school band, but admits, “I wasn’t great.” 3 She cops to having a “very irrational fear of spiders” — and “alien abductions.” 4 The songbird once owned a sugar glider named Icarus. 5 If she didn’t make it in the music biz, she would’ve pursued a career as a makeup artist. 6 She despises…

THREE dummy deputies in South Carolina made crank calls about finding corpses while on duty — and now the fakers are in real trouble, cops say. According to investigators, Chesterfield County sheriff’s deputies First Sgt. Justin Tyler Reichard, 28, Sgt. Darien Myles Roseau, 25, and Deputy Killian Daniel Loflin, 26, dialed in five separate “hoax emergencies.” Authorities allege the men contacted convenience stores and local law enforcement agencies in Cheraw, Chesterfield, McBee and Pageland to anonymously dish about the “location of a ‘dead body.’ ” Police reports charge the calls sent other lawmen on wild goose chases for non-existent victims — taking valuable time from their crime-fighting efforts! The South Carolina Law Enforcement Division (SLED) is baffled by any potential motive. McBee resident Briana Davenport says, “Prank calls happen, but you…

PANICKED Donald Trump is careening into a financial abyss after getting swamped by a tsunami of judgments, fines and legal fees that insiders say could leave the floundering real estate mogul busted flat! Over recent weeks, the former president, 77, has been socked with $445 million worth of civil judgments for business fraud, plus about $100 million in interest, to go with nearly $77 million in legal fees he’s rung up defending himself in a host of lawsuits and criminal cases. “This could be the end of Donald Trump’s business empire,” proclaims a Beltway insider. “It’s a day of reckoning long delayed, but it seems to have arrived in spades.” Most recently, New York Justice Arthur Engoron slapped the likely Republican presidential nominee with a massive $355 million fine —…

HOT Ones host Sean Evans chickened out on having a porn star girlfriend — and ditched saucy Melissa Stratton to protect his showbiz career, sources dish. According to insiders, the fickle hunk — who’s found fame by sharing spicy wings and conversation with celebs on his Emmy-nominated YouTube series — abruptly dumped Melissa last month! Sean, 37, and Melissa, 34, were first linked in December and seemed inseparable. But spies say Sean feared his association with the star of films such as Lesbian Threesomes would hamper his mainstream success! “Sean really hit it off with Melissa, and he didn’t give a damn what her profession is,” a tipster tattles. “But it was all anyone was talking about after word leaked he and Melissa were dating! “He doesn’t want to be…

LATE country king Toby Keith is still ruling the roost as his 35 Biggest Hits album shot to No. 1 following his death from stomach cancer! Sources say Keith’s proud family believes the Should’ve Been a Cowboy singer is smiling in heaven as the 2008 record rocketed to the top of the country and pop charts after a valiant two-year battle with the killer dis ease ended at age 62 on Feb. 5. The legend last reached those heights in 2010 with Bullets in the Gun. A pal says Keith’s widow, Tricia Lucus, and his adult children — Krystal, Stelen and Shelley — are thrilled with the posthumous plaudits. The friend explains, “Seeing how people are keeping his music and memory alive is just such an emotional boost!”…

HARVARD freshman Lothrop Withington Jr. started the 1939 goldfish swallowing craze by downing a wiggler to win a $10 bet. The event made news in a national magazine and college kids took things to the next level — eventually setting a record for 89 goldfish being gulped down in a single session. IF YOU need to erase pencil marks, try wetting a small piece of white bread to rub out your mistake. Experts say it works just as good as the pink rubber atop pencils. TALK about sibling rivalry! Wendy’s hamburger chain founder Dave Thomas pitted his five kids — Melinda, Pam, Lori, Molly and Kenny — against each other to become the restaurant’s logo. Melinda won the job as an eight-year-old and was immortalized as the pigtailed redheaded girl…

TROUBLED Britney Spears insists “being single is awesome,” but spies say the hot-to-trot blonde is having secret hookups with her bad boy housekeeper Paul Richard Soliz — and wants his baby! Britney, 42, confesses she’s not romantically involved with 37-year-old Soliz, who has a criminal past, despite sexual liaisons dating back to her split from boytoy hubby Sam Asghari last summer. “She’s totally under Paul’s spell because he’s feeding her ego,” snipes an insider. “The scary thing is she wants to have a baby ASAP and she’s looking at this guy to make it happen.” Friends are alarmed given Soliz’s woolly past. He was convicted of one count of disturbing the peace in April 2014, and was also charged with child endangerment, which was later dismissed as part of a plea…

COMIC icon Bob Newhart has become like a tragic recluse since Ginnie, his wife of 60 years, kicked the bucket, leaving friends fearing he’s mired in a deep sadness that’s speeding his journey to the grave. The 94-year-old star of sitcom classics The Bob Newhart Show and Newhart used to have a light in his eyes and spring in his step, but sources say the joy seems to have vanished with Ginnie’s death at 82 last year, and he even failed to post about his 94th birthday on Sept. 5. “Bob just hasn’t been the same and has lost that sparkle so many held dear,” notes an insider. “He and Ginnie were a loving team all the years they were married. She was everything to him and a huge support…

IT SEEMED like something out of a nursery rhyme when the world’s tallest guy — 8-foot-3 Sultan Kösen — met the world’s shortest gal, Jyoti Amge, who’s so teeny, she can practically fit in his shoe! Turkish-born Kösen, 41, and the petite two-foot 30-year-old from India, who first met in 2018, reunited in California, where they were inducted into the Guinness World Records. In one mindblowing snapshot showing their size difference, Amge is barely taller than one of Kösen’s shoes. His feet are really a foot — each measuring 12 inches long, and Amge can almost sit in one of his gigantic clodhoppers. Her mini-me size is caused by achondroplasia, a type of dwarfism that stopped her growth at her current dimension — about the height of a normal two-year-old.…

PRESIDENT Barack Obama’s oldest daughter, Malia, is trying to dodge being called a “nepotism baby” by dropping her world-famous last name in the credits of the short film The Heart. The 25-year-old director, who also wrote the flick about the relationship between a mother and son, is listed as Malia Ann at the Sundance Film Festival. While one online observer praised her for “not capitalizing on her last name,” another slammed Malia, saying, “We all know who you are, you’re Obama’s daughter. You can’t hide that.” While yet another suggests she only got her break in showbiz because of her family’s connections.…

AFTER King Charles made it clear ingrate son Prince Harry has zero chance of ever holding an official royal role again, palace insiders say the renegade redhead is set to trash his titles and disown his blue-blooded family by becoming an American citizen! Sources say 39-year-old Harry’s un-precedented move is sending shock waves through his five-year marriage to former B-actress Meghan, who has enjoyed swanning around and flaunting her title, the Duchess of Sussex. “You can be sure Harry’s fame-obsessed wife is hell-bent on keeping HER title, no matter what her husband says,” a high-level palace courtier spills. “Meghan got what she went after — a royal husband, two royal kids and a title gifted by the late Queen Elizabeth. She’s never giving that up. It’s her key to fame…

ACTING legend Robert Wagner has been partying like a champ at age 94, and pals say he’s happy to spend his twilight years with a glass in his hand and a smug smile on his mug! Sources dish the Hart to Hart heartthrob has lived in Aspen for decades with third wife Jill St. John, 83, and keeps spry by sipping wine and mixing cocktails. “He’s drinking his way through gourmet wines,” spills an insider. “His other big passion is martinis and the stronger the better.” Two years ago, the actor, who’d been branded a “person of interest,” was officially cleared in the mysterious death of his late actress wife Natalie Wood, who drowned at 43 off Catalina Island in 1981 during a boating trip with Wagner and her movie…

Do Ya Think I’m Sexy rocker Rod Stewart just unloaded his entire music catalog for a VERY sexy $100 million! After two years Stewart sold his of negotiations, the song catalog 79-year-old music icon inked a deal with Irving Azoff’s entertainment rights management company Iconic Artists, which has already scarfed up the works of Bruce Springsteen and Justin Bieber. “This year marks my 60th year in the music industry,” crows Rod. “The time is right!”…

RAILROADED Robert DuBoise spent 37 years in a cage for a 1983 rape and murder he didn’t commit — and won a $14 million settlement from the city of Tampa after claiming he was framed by cops! “Money, houses, cars — none of that stuff can ever restore what I lost,” says DuBoise, who was sprung from the slammer in 2020. But the exonerated man insists, “I don’t want to waste my time with bitterness and pity parties.” DuBoise was just 18 when he was shipped to death row after a wrongful conviction for sexually assaulting and fatally beating 19-year-old Barbara Grams. His sentence was later reduced to life in prison. But The Innocence Project — a criminal justice reform group — helped convince prosecutors to take another look at…

FOOTBALL season is over, but Taylor Swift fans continue to throw flags on her romance with gridiron wild man Travis Kelce — and insiders say the blond beauty is starting to second-guess whether they’re still a good team! “Taylor is growing very concerned with Travis’ out-of-control behavior,” confides an insider. “Her loyal fans have been warning her for months about his explosive side, and she’s finally starting to see it for herself.” Travis, 34, was downright embarrassing in the wake of what should have been his finest moment — helping the Kansas City Chiefs win their second Super Bowl in a row! During the game, enraged Kelce shoved the Chiefs’ 65-year-old head coach, Andy Reid, so hard he nearly fell down. And days later, the star tight end showed up…

DISGRACED Johnny Depp has a bizarre bromance with Saudi Arabia’s bloodthirsty Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman — and sources snitch the movie buccaneer’s now determined to ditch Hollywood for a castle in the sand! Insiders say the Pirates of the Caribbean star, 60, and bin Salman, 38, are made for each other — both are prone to bloody fits of anger! Depp’s booze-fueled fights with ex-wife Amber Heard, which resulted in his finger being severed, are the stuff of legend. The royal’s rages resulted in the 2018 slaughter of a hated critic, American journalist Jamal Khashoggi, in the Saudi embassy in Turkey. “Johnny’s convinced he got a raw deal in Hollywood even after winning $15 million from Amber when she smeared him as a wife beater,” says an insider. “Bin Salman…

AILING Amy Schumer’s suddenly fat face is drawing shocked gasps from medical professionals, who fear the increasingly unrecognizable star is suffering from lupus, steroid use or deadly tumors! After seeing the 42-year-old’s moon face on a recent TV appearance, two nurses agreed something seems wrong. Miami practitioner Lisa Clark says she’s witnessed this kind of swelling from cortisol imbalance, which can involve tumors pressing on the adrenal glands or the brain’s pituitary gland. Registered nurse Sarah Absher comments on social media, “Honestly, it looks like what is referred to as ‘moon face,’ a condition associated with long-term steroid use.’” But Clark also suspects Amy may have lupus since she’s “seen similar effects” in patients with the condition. So far, Schumer’s condition remains a mystery although the actress has openly struggled with…

GLOBE’S NO-NONSENSE OPINION PAGE RECENT photos of Transformers knockout Megan Fox partying in Vegas with rapper fiancé Machine Gun Kelly turned into disaster, triggering a huge backlash by fans dissing her apparent nip/tucked puss. The internet was bombarded with posts about her super-tight face and ballooned lips — with one shocked poster penning, “That’s Megan Fox? Goodness! What happened?” Other posters wrote: “You can’t even recognize Megan Fox” and “What happened to Megan’s face?” The Jennifer’s Body beauty tried to laugh off the criticism writing, “It was just a shadowy cell phone pic of me looking like a Ukrainian blowup doll when in REALITY I look one of those super expensive silicone real sex dolls you can only get in Japan.” That got her into more hot water. She quickly…