Table of contents for June 2014 in Reader's Digest

My Most Unforgettable Read THE SUMMER I REMEMBER AS MAGICAL wasn’t defined by sleepaway camp, a teenage crush under a boardwalk, or even my girls’ first steps in the ocean. My magical summer was in 1978. That was the year I read A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L’Engle. I was 11, on the cusp of sixth grade. MTV didn’t exist yet, so I spent my days at the pool, my nights in a book. Sadly, there’s never again been a time when I’ve read with such feverish abandon. (“Elizabeth, turn off that light and go to sleep!”) By middle school, reading would be lost to me as a pastime. Friends and boys, TV and music, sports—then serious study and work—would take its place for years. But that summer, I…

A $200 TIP for a hotel maid. Free car repairs for the adoptive parents of two special-needs daughters. A $2,000 engagement ring for a cash-strapped college couple. These are just a few of Kyle Orrefice and Josh Gibson’s good deeds that they documented for their video channel, GiveBackFilms, on YouTube. “We can personally help only a certain number of people,” says Kyle, 18, a high school senior in Atlanta. “But we’re hoping the videos will start a movement of good deeds.” The first video, in which Josh, 25, films Kyle giving $100 bills to eight homeless people in Salt Lake City, has been viewed more than three million times. “Instead of giving money, I bought [the homeless] food,” one viewer wrote on the GiveBackFilms online comment thread about his own…

FROM THE NEWS: A correction in the New York Times: “A column earlier this month about introverts and extroverts misquoted the French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre. The correct quote is ‘Hell is other people,’ not ‘Hell is other people at breakfast.’” Source: poynter.org THE LAUGH: Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”…

Instead of having HUD settle the matter, Royalwood opted to let a federal jury decide. In February 2005, in the U.S. District Court in Detroit, Royalwood’s attorney, Patrick Rode, argued that the defendants didn’t “believe” Grad was disabled. One co-op board member testified, “We all observed her walking around the property happy as a lark, very friendly, very gregarious. What disability?” The defendants also claimed there wasn’t enough evidence to prove that a service animal would lessen the impact of Grad’s alleged disability, as it would for, say, a blind person. “The dog is nothing more than a pet that need not be accommodated,” explained Rode. “They were so completely rigid,” says Frampton, Grad’s attorney. “It was mind-boggling.” In the end, the jury ruled for Grad—the first federal verdict that…

ILLUSTRATION BY HELEN FRIEL Making Direct Eye Contact We’ve been told that looking someone in the eye conveys honesty, but if you’re trying to persuade a friend to try, say, skydiving, avert your gaze. In a recent study, researchers used eye-tracking technology to discover that subjects were less influenced by speakers who maintained the most eye contact, which seemed to work only when the audience already agreed with the speaker. “Eye contact can signal very different kinds of messages, ranging from attraction and interest to aggression and a desire to intimidate someone,” says lead study author Frances Chen, assistant professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia. To predict the reaction, consider your audience and the tenor of the conversation: In friendly situations, eye contact can connect people. In…

FROM THE HUFFINGTON POST HERE’S A SECRET: As much as I love getting off the beaten path and learning about local cultures, sometimes I adore the artificial world that the mainstream travel industry has created. Many people think every moment on the road has to have profound impact and meaning. But sometimes you just need to take attractions and experiences for what they are: crowded, overrated, commercialized, mind-numbing, and enjoyable escapes. Cruises Last year, I went on a cruise simply to relax and decompress. There was nothing authentic about Royal Caribbean’s “private beach” in Haiti or the dance parties on the boat, but gosh, was it fun. Because sometimes life is about just sitting by the pool with a piña colada while you listen to the band cover Bob Marley…

Holistic Heart Doc SUMMER BARBECUE SEASON makes us cardiologists a little nervous. High-fat meals can constrict arteries for hours, reducing blood flow. While I believe everyone would fare better if they ate more vegetables and less meat, I know most folks won’t give up grill time. The advice below can make a splurge meal less toxic to your arteries. ▪ MARINATE YOUR MEAT Cooking meat at high temperatures creates compounds called advanced glycation end products (AGEs), which increase inflammation and the risk of diabetes. To minimize AGE exposure, marinate meat in lemon juice or vinegar, grill it moist at lower temperatures, and pick off charred corners. ▪ SIP RED WINE Chilean researchers found that adding about eight ounces of red wine a day to a high-fat diet reduced the meals’…

MY CLIENT BUYS many rental properties, not always with the enthusiastic support of his wife. Recently, I was showing him a home when his wife called. I could hear her ask what he was doing. “The real estate agent and I are having an affair,” he answered. “Oh, thank God,” she said. “I thought she was selling you another house.” PATTI SIMKINS, Columbus, Georgia A MOTHER complained to my wife, a schoolteacher, that other students were stealing her daughter’s pencils. “It’s not the money—it’s the principle,” she insisted. “My husband took those pencils from work.” ROGER PRENGEL, Lacey, Washington THERE IS NO such thing as a dumb question, except for these: ▪ I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of numbers I’d read off was upper-or…

A roomful of people I didn’t know taught me about patriotism, gratitude, and love IN THE LATE SPRING of my freshman year in college, I, a nondrinking but hard-dancing international student from Sri Lanka, was high on two things: enjoying the freedom of being nearly 10,000 miles away from home, and my very handsome American boyfriend. Mark, a true-blue Connecticut Yankee, introduced me to all things American. He took me to the top of the press box in the college football bleachers and to the crown of the Statue of Liberty. He got me hooked on movies at the college library and eggs over easy with sausage on the side at Denny’s on Main Street. He took me for walks around the campus and drives to the state parks of…

Gil and Eleanor Kraus were a well-to-do American couple who risked everything to rescue 50 children from the Nazis ON A CHILLY EVENING in early January 1939, Eleanor Kraus looked around her dining room and carefully inspected the gleaming china dishes, polished silverware, and sparkling crystal wineglasses that had been neatly laid out on the table. Her husband, Gil, had not yet come home from his law office in downtown Philadelphia, but Eleanor was already dressed for the evening. Their niece was bringing her fiancé to dinner, and Eleanor, as always, wanted everything to shine. A few minutes later, Gil walked through the front door of the couple’s spacious home, removing his overcoat and setting down his worn leather briefcase. “There is something I need to discuss with you,” he…

FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES What do Chinese Americans, Nigerian Americans, and Cuban Americans have in common? Three surprising traits that have driven them to the top. A SEEMINGLY UN-AMERICAN fact about America today is that for some groups, much more than others, upward mobility and the American dream are alive and well. It may be taboo to say it, but certain ethnic, religious, and national-origin groups are doing strikingly better than Americans overall. Indian Americans earn almost double the national figure (roughly $90,000 per year in median household income versus $50,000). Iranian, Lebanese, and Chinese Americans are also high earners. In the past 30 years, Mormons have become leaders of corporate America, holding top positions in many of America’s most recognizable companies. These facts don’t make some groups “better”…

Chosen by Joel N. Myers, founder and president of AccuWeather A mile-high dust storm made history on July 5, 2011, as it swept through Phoenix, bringing with it near-zero visibility, a trail of debris, and power outages for 10,000 customers. “This dramatic picture shows the awesome power of nature,” says Myers. “Flashier events such as tornadoes, hurricanes, and hail get more notoriety, but episodes like this can have a significant impact on people. High winds on very dry soil will whip up these kinds of storms. There’s nothing in nature that humans can control—we only have the ability to prepare people, to warn them so it’s not a surprise.”…

A Parrot That Keeps The Peace When Jim Eggers gets angry, his body shakes. His vision blurs. His hearing becomes muffled. “It’s like I’m the Incredible Hulk,” says Eggers, “turning from a man into a beast.” Eggers, 47, suffers from bipolar disorder. In fits of rage, he has punched a dent in a car’s hood, poured hot coffee on a neighbor, and yelled at strangers. In 2005, he served a year of probation for threatening to kill the archbishop of St. Louis. Several weeks later, Eggers, an animal lover, bought an African gray parrot he named Sadie. Not surprisingly, the bird soon began imitating words she heard Eggers say, such as hello and good girl. One day, Eggers came home angry. Trying to convince himself to relax, “I started saying…

CGI effects have humanized Hollywood’s epic blockbusters. Here is … KARIN KONOVAL is a 52-year-old actress, a former dancer, and a 260-pound orangutan (but only in the movies). Playing the role of Maurice, a tough lieutenant in this summer’s Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Konoval brings her ape alter ego to life when she dons a bodysuit dotted with 40 small “markers” to track her movements, which are picked up by dozens of cameras. A series of up to 50 tracers on her face map out every smile and grimace. She moves around the set on special hand stilts that, thanks to over 450 special effects technicians, will later transform into fur-covered arms. Why all the effort? Because in an attempt to feature animals on-screen, we risk hurting…

WE WERE MARCHING to the chow hall when we spotted a patheticlooking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, “This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!” MARK JONES, Glendale, Arizona THE MILITARY MAY HAVE invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. In the ’60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Source: cracked.com Atten-hut! Send us your…

COMMENTS ON THE APRIL ISSUE NOT SO DUMB You obviously found it amusing that a man convicted of armed robbery was spared a life sentence only after his lawyer discovered, following the conviction, that his client was in jail during the robbery (“Dumb Criminals, Bosses & Politicians”). I say thank God for small miracles: But for the lawyer’s dedication, LaDondrell Montgomery would be languishing away in state prison. Funny, indeed. CRAIG M. MILLER, Leland, North Carolina SAVIOR OF TREES I have read Reader’s Digest for 50 years, and I don’t remember ever being as moved as I was by “A Man Among Giants.” It was so exciting and inspiring to learn about the lasting gifts that David Milarch has given and continues to give us. He is an American hero.…

LIKE MANY MODERN American men, I don’t know how to do anything manly anymore. And by “manly,” I do not mean “physical.” A lot of us do physical things, but these are yuppie fitness things like “spinning” and “crunches” and “working on our core.” These aren’t manly. I’ll tell you who was manly: the early American pioneers. Those guys didn’t even know they had cores. They set out into the wilderness with nothing but a musket and a sack of hardtack and hominy, and they had to survive out there for months, even years, completely on their own, sleeping on the ground in bear-infested forests. That’s why they brought hardtack: to throw at the bears. They had no idea why they brought hominy. Like you, they had no idea what…

One teacher’s strategy to stop violence at its root A FEW WEEKS AGO, I went into my son Chase’s class for tutoring. I’d e-mailed Chase’s teacher one evening and said, “Chase keeps telling me that this stuff you’re sending home is math—but I’m not sure I believe him. Help, please.” She e-mailed right back and said, “No problem! I can tutor Chase after school anytime.” And I said, “No, not him. Me. He gets it. Help me.” And that’s how I ended up standing at a chalkboard in an empty fifth-grade classroom while Chase’s teacher sat behind me, using a soothing voice to try to help me understand the “new way we teach long division.” Luckily for me, I didn’t have to unlearn much because I’d never really understood the…

Ron Finley’s garden is not extraordinary. What he’s done with it is. A FASHION DESIGNER by profession, Ron Finley found his true calling when he tried to buy fresh fruit and vegetables in his South Central Los Angeles neighborhood—and walked away empty-handed. He had his pick of unhealthy fast-food outlets, but a store where he could buy a decent apple? No luck. So in 2010, on a 150-by-10-foot curbside median outside his home, Finley planted mustard greens, carrots, banana and tangerine trees, and more. Friends and strangers came by to gawk, and Finley told them to help themselves. For many, it was the first fresh produce they’d eaten in years. Finley taught neighbors how to grow their own gardens. Then he gave a speech that was posted online and went…

JUICE A LEMON WITH A MICROWAVE Zap a lemon for ten seconds to break down cells and make the juice flow faster. This is good to remember when trying to squeeze out as much juice as possible for a vinaigrette. LAURENT TOURONDEL, chef and partner at Arlington Club in New York City ROLL DOUGH WITH A WINE BOTTLE If you don’t have a rolling pin, remove the label from an empty, clean wine or liquor bottle and fill the bottle with cold water. Try this with dough for biscuits, piecrusts, and tarts. DAMIAN SANSONETTI, chef and owner of Piccolo in Portland, Maine GREASE PANS WITH A SANDWICH BAG Keep your hand clean by putting it inside a plastic sandwich bag and then scooping up butter. After greasing a pan, just…

FROM CHEAPFLIGHTS.COM ▪ THE HOLY ROLLER Backed by the rolling method’s superserious following and tried-and-true reputation, practitioners religiously roll until all those clothing coils are tucked in tight. Proponents might not be trendsetters, but they keep rolling, because if it ain’t broke, why fix it? ▪ THE OVER-PACKER This packer’s mind is full of what-ifs: What if I go horseback riding? What if we go out to fancy dinners eight nights in a row? Over-packers want options. Even when they think they’ve weeded out every last unnecessary item, they still have to sit on their bag to zip it up. ▪ THE CARRY-ON CONNOISSEUR Checked bags (and their fees) are for the birds—that’s the connoisseur’s mantra. For this breed, it’s all about planning ahead. Organized, always practical, and very minimalist,…

FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES A FUNNY THING has happened in the United States over the past few decades. Men’s average testosterone levels have been dropping by at least 1 percent a year, according to a 2006 study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism. Testosterone appears to decline naturally with aging, but internal belly fat depresses the hormone further. Drugs like cortisone and opiates also lower it, and chemicals like bisphenol A (BPA, found in plastic containers) and diseases like type 2 diabetes may play a role too. Many men feel the loss. Clinical testosterone deficiency, which is variously defined as lower than 220 to 300 nanograms of testosterone per deciliter of blood serum, can cause men to lose sex drive and fertility. Their bone density often declines,…

Imagine surgeons running out of anesthetic drugs, cancer patients who can’t get lifesaving chemotherapy, and doctors scrambling for the most basic antibiotics. We’re already there. JENNIFER LACOGNATA, 40, A BOOKING AGENT for United Airlines from Safety Harbor, Florida, first suffered an attack of night blindness in early 2011. It took months to properly diagnose her. She was vitamin A deficient, due to a shortened bowel that made her body unable to absorb fat. The good news: The problem was totally fixable with injections of a basic medicine called Aquasol A, drugmade by Hospira, an American generic drug company. But bad news quickly followed. LaCognata learned that manufacturing challenges had forced Hospira to stop selling the drug, effectively plunging the entire world into a shortage. Without Aquasol A, LaCognata is going…

A fisherman mysteriously vanishes in the middle of the night. No one can figure out when or where he dropped into the ocean. All he has is his rubber boots and a will to live. LOOKING BACK, John Aldridge knew it was a stupid move. When you’re alone on the deck of a lobster boat in the middle of the night, miles off the tip of Long Island, you don’t take chances. But he had work to do: He needed to start pumping water into the Anna Mary’s holding tanks to chill so that when he and his fishing partner and best friend, Anthony Sosinski, reached their first string of traps a few miles farther south, the water would be cold enough to keep the lobsters alive for the return…

When you read while you wander, your destination may be a surprise IN THE DESERT WEST, behavior that might elsewhere be considered inexplicable, idiosyncratic, and even indefensible is tolerated—sometimes even encouraged. But as my ten-year-old daughter, Hannah, becomes more concerned about what is normal and more worried about whether our family qualifies for that distinction, she barrages me with unanswerable questions. Why do I correct baseball radio announcers who can’t hear me and tell chicken-crossing-the-road jokes to our hens? Why do I use fishing poles to fly kites? Why have I nicknamed my chain saw (Landshark) and my Weedwacker (Cujo)? And why, of course, do I so often wear no pants? Sometimes I wish my kid would ask about something simple, like mortality, God, or where babies come from. Recently,…

(Clockwise from top left) Author Amy Tan was born in Oakland, California, to Chinese immigrants. Her debut novel, The Joy Luck Club, was translated into 25 languages and became a 1993 film. Emmy Award–winning Dr. Sanjay Gupta, an Indian American, is a practicing neurosurgeon as well as CNN’s chief medical correspondent. DJ Casey Kasem, born in Michigan to a Lebanese father and Lebanese American mother, pioneered the American Top 40 radio countdown. Gloria Estefan, whose family emigrated from Cuba in 1959, was the first pop star to perform for a pope. She’s the winner of seven Grammy Awards. Elie Tahari grew up in an Israeli orphanage and in 1971 moved to New York City, where he transitioned from electrician to world-renowned fashion designer. Three years later, he was one of…

More than 7,000 people entered our contest and gave us the Reader’s Digest version of their lives. We chose the top ten tales of love, family, insight, and inspiration. Grand-Prize Winner TIMELESS BY MICHELLE BRUEGER BENNETTSVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA I’ve always been a daddy’s girl. On road trips, we competed over who spotted the most hawks first. Our favorite competition was, upon seeing each other, who could say the words “I love you best” first. If I got him first, Dad would reply, “I’ll get you—just wait.” My dad died the night before my 50th birthday. The next day, Mom brought me a gift, saying, “This is from your dad. He bought it for you five years ago.” Inside was a beautiful gold pocket watch. Engraved on the inside were the…

FROM WAITBUTWHY.COM BETWEEN 1968 AND 1988, a lot of moms and dads named their daughter Jennifer, and now almost no one does. Jennifer was officially a Name Fad. Which means that while Jennifers have enjoyed spending most of their lives with a cute, hip, young-girl name, they are on their way to having Your Mom’s Friend’s Name (one that many thirty-and fortysomethings have). A few decades after middle age, Jennifers can look forward to having an Old Lady Name—a name that belongs to lots of women over 75. This means that Jennifer is irreparably branded with her generation forever. Luckily, she has company: In 30 years, the names Natalie, Isabella, Samantha, and Ashley will sound how Nancy, Cheryl, Shirley, and Linda do today. And in 60 years, the names Ethan,…

Before you start cramming your suitcase for that dream getaway, make sure you’ve got the travel lingo down. Take a tour of these terms, then jet to the next page for answers. 1. docent (’doh-sent) n.—A: tour guide. B: side trip. C: frequent flier. 2. sojourn (’soh-jern) v.—A: travel nonstop. B: take a guided tour. C: stay temporarily. 3. cosmopolitan (kahz-meh-’pahleh-tin) adj.—A: between stops. B: worldly-wise. C: of space travel. 4. prix fixe (’pree feeks or fiks) n.— A: confirmed reservation. B: meal with a set price. C: race car. 5. couchette (koo-’shet) n.— A: round-trip ticket. B: French pastry. C: train’s sleeping compartment. 6. funicular (fyu-’nih-kye-ler) n.— A: pleasure cruise. B: cable railway. C: stretch limousine. 7. jitney (’jit-nee) n.—A: day trip. B: duty-free shop. C: small bus. 8.…

EVERY BOOK IS A SELF-HELP BOOK. MARC MARON, comedian Enthusiasm is everything. It must be taut and vibrating like a guitar string. PÉLE Not being funny doesn’t make you a bad person. Not having a sense of humor does. DAVID RAKOFF, author TO BE INTERESTED IN THE CHANGING SEASONS ... IS A HAPPIER STATE OF MIND THAN TO BE HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH SPRING. GEORGE SANTAYANA, phi losopher You should take your job seriously but not yourself. That is the best combination. DAME JUDI DENCH I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE SADDEST FEELING IN LIFE IS WHEN YOU’RE DANCING IN A REALLY JOYFUL WAY, AND THEN YOU HIT YOUR HEAD ON SOMETHING. LENA DUNHAM Failure seldom stops you. What stops you is the fear of failure. JACK LEMMON…

Hiker Andi Davis saves the life of a 50-pound pit bull THE TRAIL THROUGH the Phoenix Mountains Preserve wasn’t usually so deserted. Even on her regular predawn trek, Andi Davis, 49, regularly crossed paths with a handful of other hikers. On this morning, however, she heard only coyotes howling among the cacti and spiky ocotillos. A half mile in, where the trail sloped steeply, Andi used her hands to clamber up to the highest peak. When she finally reached the summit, she noticed a dark shape inches from her left foot. She startled, then stared. It’s a dog, she said to herself, and it’s dead. She took a moment to realize that the dog’s eyes were open. A thin, dirt-caked pit bull was looking at her. Instantly, Andi was afraid.…

IN THESE UNITED STATES I WAS ALONE in an elevator when a girl stepped in with a phone pressed to her ear. “I have to go,” she told the person on the other end. “There’s a cute guy standing here.” Before I could react, she turned to me and said, “Sorry for lying. I just wanted to end that conversation.” Source: fmylife.com WHEN I STEPPED on the scale at my doctor’s office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds. “Why don’t you just take off that last four?” I joked to the nurse’s aide as she made a notation on my chart. A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart. “I see you’ve lost weight,” he said. “You’re down to 14 pounds.”…

Should a tenant with a disability be allowed to break a ban on animals? BY NOVEMBER 2000, six months after Joyce Grad had moved into Royalwood Cooperative Apartments in Royal Oak, Michigan, she was getting anxious about her seasonal descent into depression. “It always gets worse in winter,” says the now-64-year-old, who describes her feelings at that time as “suicidal.” She adds, “I was watching the leaves fall and thinking, I don’t think I can do this.” Grad had been living alone on Social Security disability for years due to bipolar disorder, causing severe depression that prevented her from working. Sometimes it was so bad, she could barely get out of bed. Worried about her inactivity, she reasoned, If I had a dog, I would have to go outside for…

NOBODY IS INSPIRED by a god. A god is an enviable creature who is more than you could ever be. But a great human being—a human who has used every resource at his disposal to do something extraordinary—that is inspiring. TELLER, magician, in Daily Beast I HAVE A THEORY THAT people who are addicted to reading are trying to re-create the joy of being read to as a child by a parent or a sibling. Being read to as a child is one of the great experiences in life. BILLY COLLINS, poet, in Paris Review PARENTS STILL WANT their children to avoid ugliness, and many [will] lend a helping hand: Cosmetic dentistry, such as braces, is routine. People will say that braces are for health, not looks, but braces are…

I SPENT THE tenth summer of my childhood, the most memorable months of my life, in western Norway at the mountain farm where my mother was born. What remains most vivid in my mind are the times I shared with my grandfather Jørgen. The first thing I noticed about Grandfather was his thick, bushy mustache and broad shoulders. The second thing was how he could work. All summer I watched him. He mowed grass with wide sweeps of the scythe, raked it up, and hung it on racks to dry. Later he gathered the hay in bundles tied with a rope and carried them on his back, one after another, to the barn. He sharpened the scythes on a grindstone, slaughtered a pig, caught and salted fish, ground barley in…

Is losing yourself in a good book the ultimate getaway for you? Then here are our … NOVEL All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr The latest from the Story Prize–winning author weaves an emotional tale around two young characters: Marie-Laure, a blind French girl, and Werner, a German boy. Their paths collide in occupied France as both try to survive during World War II. MEMOIR I Forgot to Remember by Su Meck In 1988, Meck, a married mother of two, suffered a traumatic brain injury that erased her memory. This tale reveals what it’s like to relearn how to live and love and to attempt to reclaim a lost identity. TRUE CRIME Blood Will Out by Walter Kirn The famed writer chronicles his 15-year friendship with Clark…

WHEN WE CHAT with patients eye to eye, it’s not just about creating rapport. Certain facial traits may reveal vital clues to underlying health conditions. We asked doctors around the country to share what they look for while examining patients. The most important tip we took away: You should worry most about a change in appearance. If symptoms are new, tell your physician. Dry, Flaky Skin or Lips This is a common warning sign of dehydration. It may also indicate a more serious problem that affects sweat gland function, such as hypothyroidism (marked by insufficient levels of thyroid hormone) or diabetes, says Roshini Raj, MD, assistant professor of medicine at the NYU School of Medicine and author of What the Yuck?! Other signs of hypothyroidism include feeling cold, weight gain,…

FAKE GIFTS FOR GRADS From collegehumor.com I NEVER FEEL more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back. @JIMMYKIMMEL THREE PRISONERS broke out of their cells and incited a riot. After they were caught, the warden asked why they had revolted. “Warden,” said one of the men, “we rebelled because the food is awful.” “I see,” said the warden. “But what did you use to break the bars?” “The French toast.” HEAR ABOUT the statistician who drowned crossing a river? It was three feet deep on average. A JUDGE TELLS the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.” “You jerk!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom. “You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with a hammer,” says the judge. “Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows…

QUIZ: GUESS WHOM THEY SUED A ROMANIAN MAN was one of six thieves arrested for stealing $24 million worth of artwork from a Dutch museum. But he insisted that another party was even more guilty. Whom do you think he’s considering suing? A) His incompetent partners; B) the museum, for making it too easy to pilfer the art; or C) Picasso, Monet, and Gauguin for being so enticing. ANSWER: B. Last we heard, he was mulling it over. Source: theatlanticwire.com AFTER HER DIVORCE was final, a British woman filed a claim against A) her husband, for driving her to divorce; B) the judge, for gaveling too loudly; C) her lawyers, who neglected to tell her that divorce would result in her marriage ending. ANSWER: C. The case was dismissed. Source:…

Both her husband and father needed a kidney transplant. Julie Stitt had only one to give. Or did she? ON A BEAUTIFUL MARCH DAY IN 2004, Chuck Stitt stood in the middle of the Little Patuxent River in Columbia, Maryland, a fishing rod in his hand and the cool water flowing around his boots. He cast his line, then waited for a trout to bite. Instead, and without warning, Chuck’s world went black—he was completely blind. CHUCK WAS ALONE in a secluded area, plunged into darkness and struggling to keep his balance in the middle of a river. He couldn’t even call someone for help—he’d left his cell phone at home. Chuck dropped his rod and moved slowly through the water, stepping carefully until he felt the riverbank under his…

FROM HERE TO PATERNITY I got all my looks from my father. Mostly just the look of disappointment. @MRBIGFISTS I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother. RITA RUDNER Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business. JIMMY FALLON When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. MARK TWAIN Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from…

1 Don’t find a home inspector through your real estate agent. It’s in the agent’s best interest to have the deal go through quickly, so some pitch inspectors who find few problems. 2 If I don’t spend at least two hours at the house, I’m what we call a drive-by inspector, and you’re not getting your money’s worth. A thorough inspector checks the crawl space, opens the breaker box, and walks the roof. Most houses take me every bit of three hours. 3 I won’t tell you not to buy a house, because I’m not supposed to give real estate advice. But if I keep telling you that the house has “a lot of issues” or has “a major issue,” read between the lines—or at least be prepared to spend…

Presidents come and go, but one thing remains constant in the West Wing THE PENS READ “Skilcraft U.S. Government.” And if you have worked for an American government institution, chances are you’ve used one. About $5 million worth of these pens are sold every year (with 60 percent going to the military), and they have quite the story behind them. To start, they’re assembled by the blind. In 1938, in the midst of the Great Depression, the government stepped in to help blind workers, who were already at a competitive disadvantage. Franklin Delano Roosevelt signed into law the Wagner-O’Day Act, which required that the federal government purchase specific goods manufactured by blind Americans. The law soon included pens. The Skilcraft brand came to be a decade or so later, in…

DECORATING Cute Crafts to Make in an Afternoon Add color to your home with ten adorable ideas—including paint-dipped pots—curated from the best of the blogs. HEALTHY EATING Drink the Right Tea A report from consumerlab.com found that certain bottled teas contained almost no ECGC, the potent antioxidant linked to cancer prevention and weight loss. For the most health benefits, make your own. MOST POPULAR ON FACEBOOK WHO KNEW? Brainteasers and Riddles “I have a head but no body, a heart but no blood. Just leaves and no branches, I grow without wood. What am I?” (Answer: Lettuce.) MOST RETWEETS ON TWITTER QUOTES Wise Words from Life’s Winners “No matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid.” LUPITA NYONG’O, Oscar-winning actress READ UP AT RD.COM/JUNE EVERYDAY WELLNESS Want to Be Happier?…