Table of contents for July 2014 in Reader's Digest

ON OUR LAST EXTENDED VACATION—halfway around the world in places without televisions or cell phone coverage—my family fell into a rather interesting evening routine. Once the sun went down and the stars came out, either Steve or I would tell our nine-year-old girls one “amazing true story” from memory. Some of our tales were dramatic, like the sinking of the Titanic. But all types held the girls’ interest. Steve mesmerized them with Michelangelo: how the artist wanted to sculpt, but the pope insisted he spend over four years painting the Sistine Chapel. Olivia was fascinated by the detail that Michelangelo almost went blind from the paint dripping into his eyes as he worked on the scaffolding, painting the ceiling. I told “The Little Boat That Sailed Through Time”— about the…

AT ABOUT 10 P.M. on September 7, 2013, Tommy Barber and his friend Susan Laney were exiting the elevator of her Fort Pierce, Florida, apartment building when they smelled smoke. “My dogs!” Susan yelled as she ran down the hall to her apartment. Tommy, 54, who is blind, walked toward the smoke. “I was standing across from Susan’s apartment door; I took four or five steps to the right, and smoke hit me right in the face,” he says. “I banged on the door, yelling, ‘Anybody home?’ But nobody answered.” Suddenly the door opened, and more smoke billowed out. Tommy heard coughing and reached behind the door, waving his arm until he felt someone. It was Diane Marshall, who lived there. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the…

THERE WERE SO MANY NIGHTS when I, as a young boy, had to watch helplessly as my father verbally and physically abused my mother. I can still recall the smell of alcohol, see the fear in my mother’s eyes, and feel the hopeless despair that comes when we see people we love hurting each other in incomprehensible ways. I would not wish that experience on anyone, especially not a child. If I dwell in those memories, I can feel myself wanting to hurt my father back, in the same ways he hurt my mother and in ways of which I was incapable as a small boy. I see my mother’s face and I see this gentle human being whom I loved so very much and who did nothing to deserve…

Choteau, MT …The Little Match Girl. Hearing that story always made me grateful for what I had—it wasn’t much, but it was for sure more than others. JULIE MCCARTNEY HOLLARBRANTLEY …the story of my birth during an Iowa blizzard in 1975. My mom had to get a ride with a snowplow driver, and they picked up a nurse on the way to meet an ambulance to get to the hospital. SUSAN KEEGAN …Charlotte’s Web. I’m 50 years old, and it’s still a good read. KARLA KOTIL-SENFF …Thumbelina! For the longest time, I used to peer into plants to look for her. It wasn’t until my mom told me it was only a fairy tale that I stopped. FARAHNAZ KHAN …Make Way for Ducklings, by Robert McCloskey. To this day, I…

“I WISH THAT I had magic answers and silver bullets where I could march into any group and say, ‘Here are the five things you need to do, and everything will be better,’” Stephen Dubner said during a recent speech I attended. Instead, he shared a few stories that had taught him and his coauthor, economist Steven Levitt, a different way to look at the world. What Dubner learned was to Think like a Freak (the title of the duo’s new book, out this May), which means to observe, define, and recontextualize the elements of a problem. Then abandon all assumptions except the one that says “There must be a reason why” and reject all rejoinders except the one that says “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” Don’t Ask…

1 SEE FOUR STATES AT ONCE For an unlikely selfie, visit the Four Corners Monument, the only point in the United States where four states converge. Some 250,000 visitors travel annually to the bronze disk landmark near Teec Nos Pos, Arizona, which is surrounded by seals and flags that honor the spot where Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah meet. 2 ENJOY THE WORLD’S LARGEST STAMP BALL Weighing in at 600 pounds and measuring 32 inches in diameter, this massive ball of stamps (and spit) is the work of the Boys Town Stamp Collecting Club. Currently on display at the Leon Myers Stamp Center in Boys Town, Nebraska, the ball was constructed in the 1950s and is composed of approximately 4,655,000 postage stamps. 3 VISIT AMERICA’S STONEHENGE The origins of…

BLEACH SANITIZES POOL TOYS Dip a sponge into a mixture of two cups of bleach and one gallon of water, then wipe down pool noodles and beach balls. Scrub off grime with a brush, and rinse with water. VINEGAR BRIGHTENS PATIO FURNITURE Fill a spray bottle with white vinegar, and spritz over chairs and tables to remove mildew stains and prevent mold from forming. COFFEE GROUNDS BANISH ANTS Sprinkle some grounds near doorways. Coffee’s high nitrogen content burns bugs, so they won’t walk across it and into your home. FLIP-FLOPS BECOME DOORSTOPS Cut a wedge of rubber from an old thong and use it to prop open a door and let the summer breeze in. DRYER SHEETS REPEL BUGS Keep sheets of this laundry staple in a cup outdoors—they mask…

YEARS AGO, Charlie, a highly respected orthopedist and a mentor of mine, found a lump in his stomach. The diagnosis was pancreatic cancer. His surgeon was one of the best: He had even invented a new procedure for this exact cancer that could triple the five-year-survival odds—from 5 percent to 15 percent—albeit with a poor quality of life. Charlie was uninterested. He focused on spending time with family. He got no chemotherapy, radiation, or surgical treatment. Medicare didn’t spend much on him. Several months later, he died at home. Doctors die, of course—but not like the rest of us. What’s unusual is not how much treatment they get compared with most Americans but how little. They have seen what is going to happen, and they generally have access to any…

Walk Briskly for Better Prostate Health If diagnosed with prostate cancer, men who walk quickly fare better than those who walk slowly. University of California, San Francisco, scientists examined the blood vessels of prostate tumors in 572 men and analyzed data on their physical activity before their diagnosis. Patients who walked the fastest—between 3.3 and 4.5 miles per hour—had healthier-looking blood vessels, suggestive of less aggressive tumors, compared with the slowest walkers, who clocked in between 1.5 and 2.5 miles per hour. Slash Sugar for A Longer Life Not-so-sweet news: People who got at least 25 percent of their calories from added sugar—mainly in sweetened drinks like soda, grain-based desserts like cookies, and fruit juice—were almost three times more likely to die of heart problems than those who consumed less…

AMERICA’S FOUNDING: FIRST DRAFT FROM S*** ROUGH DRAFTS, BY PAUL LAUDIERO, AVAILABLE IN STORES NOW HOLD, Brothers, Hold ... CHARGE!!! (Ice at the bottom of my cup) DEMETRI MARTIN A HIKER STUMBLES UPON a golden lamp in the forest. He rubs it, and out pops a real-life genie. “In return for freeing me,” says the genie, “I will grant you three wishes.” “I want a million more wishes,” the hiker says immediately. “Rule number one: No asking for more wishes.” The hiker considers his options before replying, “In that case, I want a million more genies.” Source: reddit.com HEAR ABOUT the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve. Submitted by ADAM JOSHUA SMARGON, Newark, Delaware A WEEPING WOMAN bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor,…

OR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS, I have lived on this dead-end street, where the bluff drops off into the Santa Ana River floodplain, where garages have been turned into mother-in-law flats or apartments for recent immigrants. A few of my neighbors have been here even longer, but we lost three of them during the Great Recession that everyone thinks is over now. Diane (all names have been changed to protect people’s privacy) lost her job at a heating-and-air-conditioning company and then lost her house; Anthony’s wife left him for someone else, and then Anthony lost his house; and Rick took his family to Central California because he lost the business he’d been running in his garage, making tire-pressure gauges. Lemons are 69 cents each at the grocery store, and my daughter needs…

IT STARTED OUT as a funny little patch on my right elbow, itchy and raw. I figured it was a bug bite and gave it no more thought. But the next day, I woke up with throbbing pain and curious-looking red streaks extending up and down my arm. A few hours later, my forearm had swelled hideously, and the skin had grown rigid and hot to the touch. I started to breathe uneasily. I felt dizzy and feverish, then collapsed half-delirious on the floor. My wife, Anne, rushed me to the hospital, where the ER docs found that I was in septic shock. What I had was a rare flesh-eating streptococcus infection, introduced by a puncture wound of uncertain origin—possibly from a spider bite. I’d just returned from several months…

A WISCONSIN man tried to save money by painting the exterior of his house himself. First he took off the old layer of paint with a blowtorch. UNFORTUNATELY … He successfully removed the paint, but he also removed much of the house when it went up in flames. Source: wbay.com A BANK CUSTOMER saw a man in line packing heat. Not wanting to spook the gunman, he slipped the teller a note informing her. UNFORTUNATELY … The bank teller thought the customer was saying he had a weapon; she had him arrested. As for the man with the gun—he had a permit to carry it. Source: courant.com TENS OF THOUSANDS of people packed St. Peter’s Square in Vatican City to hear Pope Francis pray for peace in Ukraine. The ceremony…

This Man Invented Cat Memes in 1906 Long before BuzzFeed made pet pics a must-click, Harry Whittier Frees made his career photographing live animals in tiny human clothing. Frees’s viral art career began in 1906, when he sold a photo of his cat wearing a party hat to a postcard maker. The public demanded more. So in 1915, Frees obliged with The Little Folks of Animal Land, a 250-page anthology in which fully clothed kittens jumped rope, puppies picketed “bone taxes,” piglets pushed little wheelbarrows, and any random act of cuteness seemed possible. Unlike most of today’s viral videos, Frees’s work was praised by animal-protection societies throughout his career. “These unusual photographs of real animals were made possible only by patient, unfailing kindness,” Frees said. “LOL, OMG, WIN!!!” his fans…

MOST POPULAR ON FACEBOOK SLEEP Always Tired? Alternate between mental and physical activities (do desk work, then stretch; watch TV, then get water), and you’ll improve your alertness, according to psychologytoday.com. TECH Best Photo Apps VSCO Cam offers simple, straightforward editing tools to make your pics look as great as possible before you share them. For more advanced filters, frames, and meme text, we like the creative Photo Editor by Aviary. (Both apps are available on iOS and Android.) RECIPES Creative Stuffed Peppers We searched the best of the food blogs to find recipes for this in-season superstar. Fillings are as varied as Buffalo chicken, breakfast eggs and cheese, and a crunchy rice-and-beans combo that gets its texture from Grape-Nuts cereal. HUMOR Dumb Job Applicants HR pros dish about 25…

QUICK FIX I have had a problem for years with a cat refusing to use the litter box. Your article “50 Secrets Pets Won’t Tell You” mentioned that cats don’t like to feel trapped. I removed the lids from the litter boxes, and my cat used them immediately! Who knew the solution was so simple? DIANE OVERMAN, Asheville, North Carolina LOVE WITHOUT WORDS I was deeply moved by your poignant account of sitting with your dad during his final days (Editor’s Note, “Hearing with My Heart”). It reminded me of a similar experience with my dad during his last days. Rather than sounds, I recall his gestures when he couldn’t speak: With his index finger, he pointed first to his eye, then to his heart, and finally to me, which…

APRIL 7: So this is the journal I’m supposed to be writing, as prescribed by my latest therapist. I hope it helps, but I have to be honest, I doubt it will. I WANT TO STOP EATING EVERYONE! That’s it! That’s all I want! I’ve been through, what, five therapists? And I’ve eaten three of them. I can’t form any meaningful relationships with anyone, because sooner or later, CHOMP. It’s got to stop. I’m nervous because summer is coming up. Maybe this summer will be different. MAY 2: This summer WILL be different. THIS SUMMER MUST BE DIFFERENT! MAY 12: How could the summer be different? I’m a SHARK. A GREAT WHITE SHARK. A nonstop killing machine! NO! No. I am in control here. Biology is not destiny. I have…

QUIET PLACE My grandmother’s home was one room. She lived in a rooming house. A bed, a dresser, a hot plate, and a shared refrigerator. We, her grandchildren, loved it! Our parents sent us on the train the 50 miles to Galveston, Texas, every summer. We slept on the floor, got up at daylight to play cards and eat pancakes. Then we walked to the beach. When I think of the peace, the love, and how simple things were, I know this is where I got the quiet place in my heart. MARY EDWARDS, Pontotoc, Mississippi JOURNEY ACROSS THE SEA My story began one morning when I fled Vietnam with my father. We headed to China, hoping for a boat to Hong Kong. One night, we tried for a boat,…

TO DAVID HOWES, the crunch of a potato chip is so much more than a sound. It represents years of research and millions of dollars spent by companies to create the most irresistible sonic experience. That, says Howes, a professor of sensory anthropology at Montreal’s Concordia University and coauthor of the book Way of Sensing, is one example of how our five senses are being courted by corporations. “Sense appeal,” he says, “is now used even more extensively than sex appeal to sell products.” What do you do exactly? I study how the senses are employed in different cultures. Let me give you an example: In mainstream Western medicine, hospital food is bland, and anesthesia is important. The senses of taste, smell, and touch are downplayed, and medication is emphasized.…

Hatch Chile Festival August 30 and 31 Don’t say we didn’t warn you: Handle the heat in dishes like the Green Chile Cheeseburger, Green Chile Ice Cream, and Chile Colorado con Carne (a red chile and pork stew) with more than 10,000 fellow chile fanatics. Those looking to cool off can head to the beer garden at this yearly celebration in Hatch, New Mexico, honoring the town’s chile farmers. Also not to miss: mud volleyball, a mariachi competition, and the 43rd annual crowning of the Chile Queen. Gilroy Garlic Festival July 25 to 27 Nobody worries about smelly breath at this 100,000 attendee–strong food fair honoring the pungent bulb, 30 miles south of San Jose, California. Garlic kettle corn? Check. French-fried garlic artichoke hearts? Check. Daring palates can also dive…

Ride a Bike Cycling-based tour operators are reporting a 25 to 30 percent increase in demand this year, thanks to travelers’ desires to stay active and eco-friendly on their getaways. Biking vacations from companies like Backroads and DuVine offer tourists the opportunity to explore such destinations as the Arizona desert and the French countryside at their own pace. Take All the Generations Cruise lines specialize in multigenerational travel, providing services that appeal to both six-and 66-yearolds. Climb aboard Princess Cruises and watch a poolside movie on a 300-square-foot screen while the kids practice their downward-dog poses in a youth-focused yoga program. Track Your Genealogy Relax and find your roots with genealogy tourism: a trip with a twist of uncovering your personal past. Each year, thousands of people flock to Salt…

Wrap Using one strand per tree, loop lights around trunks, leaving three inches between each row for a magical glow. Choose LED bulbs; most bugs are hardwired with UV receptors, so LED rays are less appealing to them, says designhunterla.com creator Veronica Valencia. Zigzag Attach lights to tall structures in your yard to illuminate an outdoor dinner. Camilla Fabbri, creator of Family Chic (cfabbridesigns.com), keeps cords from sagging or getting tangled by securing them to the tops of outdoor umbrellas or fence posts with plastic twist ties. Drape Hang lights over boughs for a romantic display that takes merely minutes to set up. Make sure the bottommost bulb is at least a foot above the ground to avoid water and prevent safety hazards, says styleme pretty.com founder Abby Larson.…

THE INSTRUCTIONS on the pill bottle may simply say “once a day.” But because of your circadian rhythm—the biological clock that governs sleep, hormone production, and other processes—your body doesn’t respond to medications in the same way at different times of the day. “Some drugs are not as effective or as well tolerated if they’re taken at the wrong biological time,” says Michael Smolensky, adjunct professor of biomedical engineering at the University of Texas at Austin. “It’s not that they’re not effective at all, but they’re certainly much less effective or tolerated.” Now a cutting-edge field called drug chronotherapy advocates syncing your medication regimen with your circadian rhythm to maximize effectiveness and minimize side effects. Here are the best times to take meds based on chronotherapy and other factors. (Note:…

1 … do tractors square-dance ROCHESTER, INDIANA Swinging your partner round and round gets a tad unwieldy when you’re both on four big wheels, but trust us—it’s just as much fun. This Midwestern pastime dates back to the 1950s, when farm-equipment manufacturer International Harvester featured an ad with whirling tractors. Here’s what they do: Drivers maneuver tractors to execute precision promenades, circles, and weaves, all set to rollicking square dance music and directed by a caller. Indiana’s Lily Pearl tractor dancers, for instance, perform as a team of eight, but in the true spirit of competition, they’re aiming to leave that feat in the dust. “We plan to dance with 16 tractors on the same field,” says farmer Skeeter Daugherty, Lily Pearl’s leader. “It’s never been done before.” 2 ……

Trapped on the bottom of the ocean AT 4:30 ON A SUNDAY MORNING, two hours before dawn, the tugboat Jascon 4 was towing a tanker toward an oil platform 20 miles off the coast of Nigeria. The wind was stiff and the sea choppy, but conditions weren’t rough enough to alarm the Ukrainian captain or his crew of 11 Nigerians. Most of them were in bed, their doors bolted against pirates—a constant menace in this corner of the South Atlantic. The tug’s cook, Harrison Okene, was below deck, preparing to start his shift. Suddenly, a rogue wave struck the vessel broadside. The towrope snapped, throwing the boat offbalance. Okene, 29, was tossed around. He saw three men washed away as they ran toward an exit hatch. The rush of water…

ON SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, I drove two hours south through the rain to Charleston, West Virginia, the city where I was born and where my parents, my sister, her husband, and my niece still live. In my car were ten cases of bottled water, as my family hadn’t been able to use tap water since Thursday. That’s when a spill at the chemical company Freedom Industries dumped some 10,000 gallons of the hazardous material 4-methylcyclohexane methanol (MCHM) into the Elk River, a mile and a half upstream from the intake pipes for West Virginia American Water, affecting nine counties that the company serves. The spill was a result of leaks in a storage tank and in a concrete containment wall—structural problems that were underregulated by West Virginia’s Department of Environmental…

(in guys like Doug Bernier) IT WAS THE FIRST DAY of spring training in February of 2012. The New York Yankees clubhouse in Tampa was packed with players, coaches, and media. Derek Jeter stood in front of his locker talking to reporters, while Alex Rodriguez moved quickly in and out of the room because it had already been decided that he would speak to the media down the hall in a press conference rather than have people climbing on top of one another in the crowded clubhouse to hear what he had to say. At a corner locker, near the door, was Doug Bernier. I had written his name down on a long list of players I thought might be worth interviewing for a book about life in minor-league baseball,…

1 Just because the sign says “farmers’ market” doesn’t mean there are any real farmers involved in the makeshift shop. Many so-called farmers’ markets are actually set up by wholesalers who buy the same food you can get in your local grocery store, mark it up considerably, set up stands, and resell it. For a much more authentic experience, look for farmers’ markets that are “producer-only,” meaning they require all vendors to actually grow or make the foods they sell. 2 Want to save some money? Ask me about “seconds,” visually imperfect fruits and vegetables you can often get by the case at a discount. Also called No. 2 produce, seconds are great for making tomato sauce, salsa, jam, and soup—but they’re perfectly fine to eat as is, too, as…

HOW MILITARY ARE YOU? So you Netflixed Zero Dark Thirty, and now you think you’re a future Navy SEAL? Prove it: Match the military slang with its English translation. MILITARY SPEAK 1. “Getting a kitchen pass from the War Department.” 2. “My wife has one in the hangar.” 3. “Wilco that, but first, I need to hit the rain locker.” 4. “When does she download?” 5. “I’ve got a beer lowlevel light.” “HOOAH.” IN ENGLISH A. “My wife is pregnant.” B. “I will comply, but first, I gotta take a shower.” C. “When is she due to deliver the baby?” D. “Excuse me. May I have another drink, please?” “Heard. Understood. Acknowledged.” E. “I need to ask my wife if I can go out tonight.” SCORE 0 to 2 correct:…

THERE IS NO FUTURE IN ANY JOB. THE FUTURE LIES IN THE PERSON WHO HOLDS THE JOB. DR. GEORGE CRANE, columni st The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud. COCO CHANEL A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. JOHN A. SHEDD, author Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. MILES KINGTON, journalist YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO WATCH OUT WHEN SOMEONE STEEPLES THEIR FINGERS. GEORGE W. BUSH BOOKS ARE LIKE PEOPLE, IN THAT THEY’LL TURN UP IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU MOST NEED THEM. EMMA THOMPSON Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. PABLO PICASSO…

IT WAS A SIZZLING June day on the outskirts of Austin, Texas, and Sammy Armstrong couldn’t wait to get in the water. The ten-year-old was on a camping trip at McKinney Falls State Park with his mom, Kelley, his dad, Stacey, and his brothers, Ben, eight, and Willy, two. Around 11 a.m., Sammy’s mother and little brother Ben dropped the family kayak into Onion Creek, which meanders through the park’s 750 acres, and paddled off. Sammy and Willy accompanied their dad to Upper Falls, which marks the point where placid Onion Creek plummets 12 feet over a rock ledge. At the top of the waterfall, a limestone pathway traverses the creek bed. Below is a swimming hole, 20 feet deep in some places. With his father watching from the rocks…

I RENAMED MY IPOD The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says, “The Titanic is syncing.” Source: textsfromlastnight.com MY YOUNG SON declared, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mommy.” “You can’t marry your own mother,” said his older sister. “Then I’ll marry you.” “You can’t marry me either.” He looked confused, so I explained, “You can’t marry someone in your own family.” “You mean I have to marry a total stranger?!” he cried. PHLYLIS SHOWERS, San Diego, California HERE IS the best-ever backhanded compliment from a kid about a present: “Dear Genie, thanks for the toy. I’ll play with it when I’m bored.” DEBBIE SKOLNIK, Scarsdale, New York WHEN I ANNOUNCED that I was getting married, my excited mother said, “You have to have the…

ALL DOREEN GUMMOE could do was hope. Her daughter Jordan Flynn had been born with Fanconi anemia, a rare inherited blood disorder that destroys bone marrow and makes sufferers highly susceptible to cancer. In spring 2012, when Jordan was 14, doctors found preleukemia cells in her blood. Without an immediate bone marrow transplant, she would likely die within months. Typically, siblings are the most viable donors, but Jordan’s brothers weren’t matches. In 2005, Gummoe had given birth to twin girls, Julia and Jorja, who also have Fanconi anemia. Someday, they will likely each need transplants as well. Gummoe, who lives in Lewiston, Maine, turned to the National Marrow Donor Program’s registry, praying to find a willing donor for Jordan in the 2 percent of people who are registered. Sometimes a…

THE THING YOU NEVER understand about being a mother, until you are one, is that it is not the grown man you see before you, with his parking tickets, unpolished shoes, and complicated love life. You see all the people he has ever been rolled into one. JOJO MOYES, novelist, in her book Me Before You MY GRANDMOTHER ONCE SAID to me that in many ways [World War II] was the happiest time of her life because the whole community worked together. There was so much stress. It was only about, How do we survive today, and how can I help you get through this? JIMMY NELSON, photographer, in Psychology Today NOT EVERYTHING IS RATIONAL, and not everything can be explained. If you don’t allow some room for something poetic,…

Pour a red variety into a jar of non-pasteurized vinegar and leave it alone, stirring weekly. Within a couple of weeks, you’ll have “artisanal” vinegar. Flavor-boost soups and stews: White and sparkling work best in creamy or clear and brothy soups (think chowder and simple vegetable), while red wine goes well with tomato or beef-based varieties (think chili). Add a few generous splashes per portion. Poach pears, apples, peaches, or plums in red wine and sugar. Let simmer in the liquid for ten minutes. Fruit flies? An open bottle with even the smallest bit of wine left can serve as a flytrap. Flies will gravitate toward the bottle instead of your fruit bowl and will be unable to escape. Add any sparkling white wine like champagne, prosecco, or cava to…

YOU’RE SICK, you’re sniffling, and you’re wondering if you need to upend your life to get to the doctor. You may not need to, thanks to new “telemedicine” apps that aim to revolutionize medical care. Now a doctor can use an app to scope out your sniffles via video chat, prescribe medicine, and track symptoms from afar. It’s fast, easy, and reliable, which means you can spend more time on rest and chicken soup. (Of course, for anything that needs much more than that, you should still talk to a doc in person.) Remote-care apps allow you to contact a doctor and bolster a relationship, whether you’re a caregiver in the suburbs or a busy patient in a city. Here’s how the latest apps may change your health-care future. YOU…

ONE OF THE JOYS of working is the opportunity to expense stuff you need. But did employees go too far with these items? Lottery tickets Pet food A tepee Hot tub supplies A fine for crashing into a tollbooth A CUSTOMER walked up to my bank window and asked me to cash a check. “Of course,” I said. “But I’ll need to see ID.” She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot. “That’s me in the middle,” she said. DEBORAH BERKLEY, Yakima, Washington Source: Robert Half Management Resources BITTER? NO! Not the people who posted this sign at a bookstore that was going out of business: “Sorry, no public restroom. Try amazon.com.” Source: Consumer Reports SIX DUMB QUESTIONS REAL LAWYERS HAVE ASKED IN COURT: “How many times have…

EVER FEEL STUFFED to the gills after a normal meal? Wake up feeling fine but have a belly that makes you look about six months pregnant by lunch? Welcome to the world of bloating—a symptom that affects 10 to 30 percent of people, sometimes me. After years of enduring bloating and abdominal pain, I began to readily identify certain triggers. I always felt puffy after a sodium-packed Mexican meal, for example. But as I researched the latest digestive-health studies for my recent book 21-Day Tummy, I was shocked to learn that these unexpected factors can play a role too. Stomach Bug About 25 percent of patients who get gastroenteritis, a stomach infection, have bloating even after the illness clears. A likely suspect: small intestinal bacterial overgrowth (SIBO). In SIBO patients,…

I’M WILLING TO GO out on a limb here and guess that most stories of kindness do not begin with formerly drug-addicted celebrity bad boys. Mine does. You may or may not be a fan, but I am: His name is Robert Downey Jr., and it was the early ’90s (I was barely 20 years old) when this story took place. It was at a garden party for the ACLU of Southern California—my stepmother was the executive director of the organization. I was escorting my grandmother to the event. There isn’t enough room in this story to explain to you everything my grandmother was—I would need volumes. So for the sake of brevity, I will tell you that she was beautiful even in her 80s, vain as the day is…

BY THE TIME THREE ORPHANED raccoons arrived for emergency care at the Kentucky Wildlife Center in April 2012, “they were emaciated,” says Karen Bailey, a newborn-raccoon specialist who runs the nonprofit clinic outside Georgetown, in central Kentucky. “They were almost dead.” Bailey cares for up to 800 animals annually, including opossums, otters, and skunks, but she is haunted by the memory of those cubs. These weren’t just any raccoons—they were the stars of an episode of Call of the Wildman, the hit Animal Planet reality-TV show that regularly attracts more than a million viewers. When the episode about the raccoon cubs, “Baby Mama Drama,” aired in July 2012, it pulled in 1.6 million viewers, becoming the show’s highestrated episode up to that point. Thanks in part to Call of the…

Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening. BILL CLINTON I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting. RONALD REAGAN Nothing was ever done so systematically as nothing is being done now. WOODROW WILSON Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, “On the one hand ... on the other.” HARRY TRUMAN If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. THEODORE ROOSEVELT If I were twofaced, would I be wearing this one? ABRAHAM LINCOLN…

1ST PRIZE A DAY OUT OF TIME My girlfriends and I were walking around the National Mall when I noticed dark clouds hovering near the Washington Monument. The cherry blossoms look almost like snow, and the monument appears mysterious and medieval. Through the haze, the same photo I had taken so many times had a new spin to it. PAMELA DAVIS, Newport News, Virginia 2ND PRIZE THE SERGEANT’S DAUGHTER This photo of my daughter, Imij, was taken on Memorial Day 2011 at the Army base in Fort Drum, New York, after her father—my husband, S.Sgt. Christopher Armstead—led the flag team as they lowered the 20-by-38-foot garrison flag and POW flag. Afterward, Imij went into rock-star mode, doing her best Jimi Hendrix impression (Imij is Jimi spelled backward). GRETCHEN ARMSTEAD, San…

THE MISTAKEN MATHEMATICIAN When muggers brutally attacked college dropout and furniturestore employee Jason Padgett, 43, in Tacoma, Washington, on December 13, 2002, they gave him a concussion—and a higher IQ. After the attack, Padgett began to see mathematical formulas and patterns in his surroundings (similar to Nobel Prize–winning mathematician John Nash). Medical tests revealed that his damaged brain is overcompensating in certain areas that most people do not have access to. Now Padgett turns the designs he sees into intricate, handdrawn diagrams called fractals and sells them online via Fine Art America. THE INSTANT BEETHOVEN Derek Amato hit his head in a swimming pool in the autumn of 2006 when he was 39 years old, losing 35 percent of his hearing in one ear and much of his memory. But…

1. graphic (’gra-fik) adj.—A: clearly pictured. B: sculpted of marble. C: roughly composed. 2. canon (’ka-nen) n.—A: string of images. B: standard for evaluation. C: negative review. 3. symmetry (’si-meh-tree) n.— A: framing and matting. B: balanced proportions. C: imitation. 4. cartography (kahr-’tah-gre-fee) n.—A: mapmaking. B: painted wagons. C: traveling exhibits. 5. panoramic (pan-oh-’ram-ik) adj.—A: of film artistry. B: shown in miniature. C: sweeping. 6. opaque (oh-’payk) adj.— A: deceptive. B: not transparent. C: molded in plaster. 7. juxtapose (’juks-tuh-pohz) v.— A: sit for a portrait. B: render precisely. C: place side by side. 8. kinetic (kih-’neh-tik) adj.— A: copied identically. B: showing movement. C: picturing countryside. 9. kitschy (’ki-chee) adj.—A: in a collage. B: tacky. C: macraméd. 10. baroque (buh-’rohk) adj.— A: highly ornamented. B: plain in style. C:…