Table of contents for November 2017 in Reader's Digest

READER’S DIGEST has long been neutral about politics, but one thing we will never be neutral about is niceness. In a democracy where free expression is the rule—and where the Internet, talk radio, and cable news provide enormous megaphones—niceness has never been more important. If we want to live in harmony along with our competing ideas, we need civility, empathy, and a sense that we have each other’s backs. Niceness is the glue that will hold us together. Yet it’s not-niceness that’s on the rise. The bitter call-and-response of our political exchanges has long pummeled the promise of “E pluribus unum.” In a recent poll, 75 percent of Americans called incivility a “national crisis.” It’s no accident that Americans’ faith in their institutions is scraping bottom. We created the Nicest…

A DECADE AGO, when my son raised his hand and vowed to “support and defend the Constitution” while being sworn in to the U.S. armed forces, I felt a collision of emotions: burning pride, aching loss, jubilation, consuming worry—and the passing of years. How had we gone from pacifiers to camouflage uniforms so quickly? J. MARK JACKSON is a former Army officer originally from London, Ohio, now living in St. Augustine, Florida. A big part of my pride came from the fact that I had served a generation before my son, so his enlisting felt like the beginning of a family tradition. In fact, he was born at Ireland Army Community Hospital in Fort Knox, Kentucky, in 1987. As my son prepared to follow in my boot steps, I was…

▪ Just last week, my eight-yearold daughter rolled over in my bed, where she’d fallen asleep, and said, “Mmm ... I want pizza.” (Pause) “And a beer.” I nearly fell out of bed laughing. ▪ My wife told me last month that while I was sleeping, I said, “Set the burrito trap.” ▪ My mom told me I’d once said, “Don’t go to that party, R2. They have spaghetti. It’ll mess up your circuits.” ▪ My dad was coming out of surgery. He sat up, pointed at my mom, and said, “After I get rid of her, I am going to clown school.” He then lay down and went back to sleep. ▪ I said to my fiancé in my sleep, “I love you because you have such long antennae.”…

▪ Lawyer: Now, isn’t it true that on the fifth of November last year, you rode naked through the streets on top of a garbage truck, letting off fireworks and singing “I did it my way” loudly? Witness: What was the date again? ▪ Defendant: Judge, I want another public defender because this man is incontinent. ▪ Judge: Is there anything else you would like to say before I pass sentence? Defendant: Yes. Kirk to Enterprise: Beam me up. ▪ Defendant: (Representing himself ) You sell drugs out of your house, don’t you? Witness: No. Defendant: I know that’s a lie. I’ve bought [drugs] there myself. ▪ Lawyer: I take it that before this accident happened, you lived with your brotherin- law and sister. Witness: Yes. Lawyer: You got to…

NESTLED IN THE SOUTH NEBRASKA prairie with their one grocery store, one gas station, one grand old movie theater, and 1,000 good neighbors, the people of Franklin are used to fending for themselves and for one another. When that theater, the Rose Bowl, needed a new roof, the town raised $250,000 “dime by dime,” says lifelong resident Mike Ingram, and now families take turns every weekend volunteering to run the place. (The locals say the Pledge of Allegiance before each screening, and a first-run movie will cost you all of $3.) If a senior citizen can’t make it to the Rightway Grocery, owner Stu Wilsman makes the delivery himself—and throws a few extra things in the bag if he knows the customer has been short of cash. “Stu’s always been…

IF YOU COME ACROSS TWO drivers stopped in the middle of the road in this richly forested island community, they’re probably arguing—about how to improve the local fairgrounds. Or property taxes. Or the teen drop-in center. They argue about everything in South Whidbey, Washington, and that’s a good thing. “Don’t bother to honk your horn,” resident Susan Knickerbocker says. “When they’re done, they’ll be done. They won’t move before that, so you just wait it out.” This frequent scene is one sign that people care deeply about the collection of towns served by a single bridge leading off the island toward Seattle. “We argue passionately about where we want our community to go,” says Josh Burnett, who writes for the South Whidbey Record. “But at the end of the day, we’ll…

MY CLIENT’S NAME IS MARTHA BOYER. I first heard about her 20 years ago, and we’ve been sort of friends for 15. But I learned her real name only a few weeks ago. She never uses that name, and very few people know it. Like everyone else, I’ve always thought of her as the Puppy Lady, and when I talk to her, I call her by her chosen nickname, Pups. Pups is 68 years old, another fact I learned only when I took on her case. Her husband died in a drive-by shooting about a year ago. Pups has continued to live in their house on 41st Street in Paterson, New Jersey. I’d say about half the people who know Pups consider her cantankerous and difficult; the other half think…

ON THE SURFACE, THE GUY wasn’t particularly fearsome— pudgy, late 30s, polo shirt, plaid shorts, baseball cap. He looked completely at ease, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the microphone loosely, like a torch singer doing crowd work. And when he finally began talking, it was with an assurance that belied the fact that he was basically spewing nonsense. “I hate all people named John,” he said with bravado. “Yeah, that’s right, that was a John diss!” The crowd roared. John diss. Jaundice. A glorious, groan-inducing precision strike of a pun. If you’re an NBA rookie, you really don’t want to go up against LeBron James. Anyone’s trivia night would be ruined by seeing Ken Jennings on another team. And if you find yourself at the world’s biggest…

Why It Pays to Increase Your Word Power Your September Genius Issue was so much fun! I laughed out loud at the puns, enjoyed the stories, and didn’t do too badly on Word Power. I’ve saved stories from a number of issues over the years, but this whole issue is a keeper! KAREN DAVENPORT, Charlottesville, Virginia Have Bestsellers Become Dumber? I liked the story about the tendency of modern authors to dumb down their writings. I had always thought that I was the dumb reader who couldn’t follow the plots—turns out that I can’t concentrate on deliberately easy language. CHERYL MURPHY, Commerce City, Colorado The Joys of Keeping an Address Book This article gave me a lump in my throat and a twinge in my heart. As I was growing…

RICK BRAGG is a Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist and author. I SHOULD HAVE given up fishing, I suppose, after the goat. He was not a regular goat. He was more part goat, part rhinoceros, about the size of a small horse but with devil horns. He looked out on the world through spooky yellow eyes and smelled like … well, I do not have the words to say. My little brother, Mark, bought him at the sprawling trade day in Collinsville, Alabama, for $75; I would have given him $100 not to. The first thing the creature did after coming into our possession was butt the side of a truck. You have to be one terror of a goat to assault a Ford. His name, my little brother said, was Ramrod.…

No, but it took the courts nearly a decade to make that call. The case came down to one question: Were the coins stolen, or was it possible that they were accidentally but legally issued and then sold to Switt? The United States Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit ruled in August 2016 that the coins were the Mint’s property, citing testimony showing that Mint records “track the movement of each 1933 double eagle. These records were remarkably detailed.” In other words, says Mint attorney Greg Weinman, “these coins didn’t go out through the front door—they went out the back door.” Langbord appealed to the Supreme Court, but in April 2017, it declined to hear the case.…

PEOPLE ARE NOT CARS, as you’ve probably noticed. We run on an enormous variety of fuels, and some are better suited to certain jobs than others. Load up on the right stuff, and you can turbocharge your creativity, memory, energy, and more. We presented nutrition experts with a variety of situations and asked what they’d eat to best prepare for each challenge. AN IMPORTANT MEETING WHAT TO HAVE: Tea with a little milk WHY: “Green, black, and oolong tea contain the amino acid L-theanine, which passes the blood-brain barrier to bring on mental calmness and ease anxiety while creating alertness, making it the perfect tonic before an important meeting,” say Tammy Lakatos Shames and Lyssie Lakatos, registered dietitian nutritionists and authors of The Nutrition Twins’ Veggie Cure. “Additionally, the little…

Zinc Can Cut Colds Short Zinc isn’t the cure for the common cold, but mounting evidence indicates it can be a big help. An analysis of three randomized controlled trials found that 70 percent of patients who had taken zinc acetate lozenges (80 to 92 mg per day) within 24 hours of noticing cold symptoms had recovered on the fifth day, compared with 27 percent of patients who had received a placebo. While that dosage is higher than the daily recommended amount, no serious side effects were observed. Be sure your zinc lozenge doesn’t also contain citric acid, which can make it less effective. Dairy Helps Fight Early Menopause Calcium and vitamin D have long been known to work together to build strong bones. Now scientists have discovered that they…

SELECTING THE NICEST PLACE IN America is an awfully big job. That’s why we enlisted a large selection committee— the millions of readers of this magazine and our website, rd.com. You took the lead for every stage of this contest, from submitting hundreds of nominations to voting on the top ten finalists to selecting the winner revealed on the next page. Our only real instruction was to single out locales in your life where kindness and respect thrive, and you responded with moving examples of people who put their neighbors ahead of themselves. They may be from different walks of life and different parts of the country, but these folks all believe the same thing: The Golden Rule—“Do to others as you would have them do to you”—rules.…

▪ In April, we put out a call for entries, which ultimately produced 283 nominations. ▪ To be considered, each nomination required an essay and photographs. Videos and social media comments were also encouraged. ▪ As entries were received, Reader’s Digest reporters fleshed out dozens of the most compelling nominees and developed feature articles on them for rd.com. ▪ All told, 300,000 users viewed the official entry pages. In addition, 750,000 people read one of the dozens of stories written by the Reader’s Digest staff about niceness in America. ▪ A team of Reader’s Digest editors selected the ten finalists based on the original entries, the follow-up reporting, and the enthusiasm of the social media comments. ▪ On June 21, the public voting began. Total votes received: 72,832. ▪ Those…

ONE YEAR, WHEN LUCINDA FLEMING is in college, she goes to visit the family of her roommate, Jennifer Doak, on a fall Saturday. Waterford, Ohio, is a small town of farmers in the rolling green hills of eastern Ohio near the West Virginia border. Jennifer’s father, Roger Doak, is there. So is her mother, Shirley Doak. Fleming was also raised in small-town Ohio, and the Doaks seem downto- earth, like a lot of the people she grew up with. The day with them, she is told, will focus on making apple butter. Friends, family, and neighbors are stirring large copper pots with old wooden paddles. The event is a tradition in Shirley’s family. The home is the same one Roger grew up in. He worked for years at a local…

THERE ARE HEROES AT EVERY major-league baseball game—the guy who makes a diving catch or drives home the game-winning run. But at Baltimore’s Oriole Park, the heroes frequently don’t even play baseball. One day, it was a school bus driver who risked her life to save 20 students after the bus caught fire. On another, there were three men who fought floodwaters to rescue trapped motorists. On April 9, 2017, the hero was an 11-year-old boy who had let his hair grow for two and a half years so he could cut it off and have it made into wigs for children who had gone bald while being treated for cancer. They are all honorees in a remarkable program called Birdland Community Heroes. After the fifth inning of every Orioles…

HAYESVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA, IS no stranger to wildfires. Nestled near the Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forests on the state’s western tip, the ground and trees can turn as dry as flint in the summer and fall. There’s a reason that a nearby watering hole is named Fires Creek. Still, there was something especially scary about the fire that began on October 25, 2016. The fire season in the Southeast had already been unusually active, with precious little rain and low humidity setting the table for more than 30 wildfires in the region. “We have hundreds upon hundreds of acres that are under fire, causing tremendous smoke,” said thengovernor Pat McCrory at the time. “This is extremely dangerous work because [firefighters] are accessing areas that are not accessible by road, and of course,…

I’m gonna start acting in real stores the way I do when online shopping. Break in at 1 a.m., put nine things in a cart, leave. @KINGFIRESTORM (JO FIRESTONE) Online shopping is all fun and games until you have to get up and get your credit card from the other room. @THECATWHISPRER A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. MARTY ALLEN I don’t care what anybody says—my six hours of Black Friday shopping saved me at least $7.50. @KATEWHINEHALL It’s adorable how I write “beer” on my shopping list, like I’d somehow forget. @TOMSCHALLY I walked by a record store. The sign in the front said they specialized in hardto- find records. Nothing was alphabetized. MITCH HEDBERG…

1 The first Thanksgiving Day Parade (then called the Macy’s Christmas Parade) took place on November 27, 1924, and stretched for five and a half miles. Today, marchers can complete their modest two-and-a-half-mile route in about an hour. 2 The parade used to be far furrier. From 1924 to 1926, a procession of tigers, donkeys, elephants, camels, and other live beasts—borrowed from the Central Park Zoo—strutted down the streets. They were replaced by airfilled balloons propped up on sticks in 1927 because the creatures scared children on the sidelines. (Helium balloons emerged a year later.) 3 For the first few years, rather than deflate the balloons after the parade, organizers let them fly away and explode in the atmosphere. In 1928, Macy’s even made a game of it. Handlers released…

1. gustatory ('guh-stuh-tohr-ee) adj.—A: full-bellied. B: relating to taste. C: rich and flavorful. 2. au gratin (oh 'grah-tin) adj.— A: cooked to medium rare. B: free of charge. C: covered with cheese and browned. 3. succulent ('suh-kyu-lent) adj.— A: sun-dried. B: juicy. C: sipped with a straw. 4. mesclun ('mess-klen) n.— A: mix of greens. B: shellfish. C: Cajun dipping sauce. 5. piquant ('pee-kent) adj.— A: in season. B: in small amounts. C: spicy. 6. chiffonade (shih-fuh-'nayd) n.— A: whipped margarine. B: shredded herbs or veggies. C: lemon pudding. 7. toothsome ('tooth-sum) adj.— A: chewy. B: delicious. C: hungry. 8. sous vide (soo 'veed) adv.— A: without salt. B: on the side. C: cooked in a pouch. 9. culinary ('kuh-lih-nehr-ee) adj.— A: of the kitchen. B: buttery. C: cage-free. 10.…

THE COMMUTERS IN Excelsior, Minnesota, are too busy rushing to work to notice the lone figure climbing up to old Oak Hill Cemetery. He is a tanned, gray-haired man in khakis and a golf shirt, and he is walking deliberately. Gary Marquardt spots a grave with an American flag on it, raises his trumpet, and plays. “I love to hear taps echo through the cemetery,” he says. “I’m doing something for these guys. It’s kind of like being among friends.” Gary will repeat the routine a dozen times over the next 45 minutes: finding a veteran, saying his name, and then playing taps. “I always think about the funeral, the people standing around here, so sad at the loss of their loved one, and then it’s over and you’re left…

IN HER SHOES I was having the time of my life teaching the incredible fifthgrade class I had that year. One day, a student raised her hand and asked if I realized I was wearing two different shoes. I looked down, and she was right. Laughter filled the room, and I blushed with embarrassment. Fortunately, the class was kind. In an act of creativity and compassion that I’ll never forget, my students proceeded to trade shoes with one another to match my crazy situation. TERESA KIEFER, Genoa City, Wisconsin FOOD FOR THOUGHT I returned home to find my 98-yearold father suffering from severe bronchitis. His entire body was wearing out, but he felt little pain. We had never been the types to tell each other “I love you.” One day,…

I ADMIT IT: I’d had too much to drink one night. How much? I-lostmy- glass-eye too much. I called all the places I’d haunted, including a Denny’s. “Hello,” I said to the woman who answered. “I ate dinner there last night, and I’ve lost my glass eye. By any chance, did anyone find it?” After a pause, she asked, “What color was it?” JEANNETTE STINNETT, Grants, New Mexico WHEN MY WIFE said that she was going to purchase a lottery ticket for the upcoming $200 million drawing, I sarcastically responded, “Yeah, let me know when you win.” With a side glance, she replied, “Oh, I’ll leave you a note.” BRUCE LINDNER, Waseca, Minnesota I WAS SINGING ALONG with the radio as it played the Beatles song “Lucy in the Sky…

OVERHEARD IN THE OFFICE Supervisor to team leader: So our people aren’t astute enough to understand these comments on the document? Leader: What does astute mean? SUSAN JESTER, Huntsville, Alabama PRN IS A MEDICAL abbreviation of the Latin pro re nata, meaning “when necessary.” Apparently, some nurses never learned their abbreviations. One day, a senior nurse walked into a patient’s room to find a suppository shoved up his nose. When she confronted the younger nurse responsible, the latter admitted that she thought PRN stood for “per right nostril.” Source: scrubsmag.com TWO YEARS AFTER my heart attack, I was teaching my college course when I suddenly felt some discomfort in my chest. I paused the class to pop my medication and quickly felt better. “Now, if I ever do have a…

OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT SHE snores as loudly as a freight train, Holly was always the perfect traveling companion. Benny Gerlock, a 59-yearold long-haul truck driver based in Rock Hall, Maryland, wouldn’t leave home without her—even though Holly was his six-year-old chocolate-colored Chesapeake Bay retriever. “Benny would have done this for us, so there was no question about us doing this for him.” They traveled thousands of miles together, and Holly acted as if she owned the rig. She insisted on using the driver’s side door, crawling over Gerlock’s lap to get to her spot riding shotgun. She even slept in her own bed, tucked in the back of the coach. In fact, Holly was snoring away on the evening of November 26, 2013, while she and Gerlock were…

STEVE BROSNIHAN IS THE “RESIdent cartoonist” at the Hasbro Children’s Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, a bittersweet—but mostly sweet—job that means he wanders from room to room doodling and chatting and doing whatever else he can think of to cheer up the sick children. During one visit in 2010, he was saying good night to a teenage patient when he had a bright idea—literally. Brosnihan told the teenager to wait until he left, then look out his hospital room window toward the corner near the bus stop. The cartoonist biked to that spot in the India Point Park area of Providence, turned around, and flickered his bike light up toward the hospital. To his surprise, the teen responded, flickering his own room lights right back. Every night after that, Brosnihan…

IT STARTED OFF AS ONE OF THOSE buy-sell-trade web pages. I’ll sell you my old fish tank for a good price; does anyone have a cheap used piano?— that sort of thing. The idea was that families in Shorewood, Wisconsin, a Milwaukee North Shore suburb of 13,000, could declutter and earn some spending money while getting to know their neighbors. The founder, Annie Monahan, a former teacher and a mother of five young children, called the Facebook community KidsCycle: NS (North Shore), since she expected the listings would largely come from families looking to recycle stuff they had outgrown. One early post on the page came from a woman looking to sell a table with three built-in baby seats— a high chair times three. What a rare find, member Beth…

SAHAJ SHAH WAS SITTING ALONE in the cafeteria on his first day at Pflugerville High School, 16 miles outside Austin, Texas. A recent immigrant from Bahrain, Shah didn’t know a soul. He spoke English with a heavy Middle Eastern accent. He was 8,000 miles out of place. Before the lunch shift ended, a stranger stopped at Shah’s lonely table. If this had been a Hollywood movie, Shah would have been bracing for some kind of rude comment or prank. Not at Pflugerville High. Instead, the boy asked if Shah would like to sit with him and some other students to get acquainted. Shah answered in the universal language: a big smile. “I was really surprised by how inclusive everyone was,” says Shah, who graduated this year. “Today, that guy is…

EVERY THANKSGIVING, Americans gather to celebrate family, give thanks—and stuff our faces until we feel sick. Tragically, filling up too fast means you won’t manage to grab seconds or thirds of all the best dishes. To do so, you need to maximize your food intake. Here’s how. Note: This advice is not conducive to a healthy everyday diet. But then again, neither is Thanksgiving. 1 PREPARE To consume as much as possible, start on an empty stomach. But don’t starve yourself, lest you eat too much too quickly instead of pacing yourself. “Fasting is typically not a good idea,” says registered dietitian Leslie Bonci. Instead, she recommends that you follow your regular meal schedule but stop eating four to six hours before the main event. Exercising early in the day…

Never underestimate spite as a motivator for genius. SAM KEAN, author EVEN IF I WAS KING, I WOULD DO MY OWN SHOPPING. PRINCE HARRY OF WALES Trying to stop it from raining has never worked, but eventually the rain does pass. TRACEE ELLIS ROSS, actress FLIPPING FEAR INTO CURIOSITY IS A GIFT. CORY RICHARDS, adventure photographer Caesar—did he ever think that he would end up as a salad? EDDIE IZZARD, comedian EVERY BOOK, YOU’LL FIND, HAS ITS OWN SOCIAL GROUP— FRIENDS OF ITS OWN IT WANTS TO INTRODUCE YOU TO. CAITLIN MORAN, writer If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. WILLIAM H. MCRAVEN, ret ired U.S. Navy admiral…