Содержание выпуска: December 2023 — Psychologies

Words to live by There it was, right in the middle of page 19 in the Psychologies September 2023 edition, the sentence that changed my life and that, lately, I’m living by: ‘If I’m filling up my cup, then everyone that’s around me will get the best out of me’. So true! Life can be very hectic; we live in a world were it’s normal to be busy all of the time. This was me. My career and family life have changed me in positive ways, but it’s not always easy to juggle everything. And what about me? I found myself giving up on things that, prior to family and career responsibilities, had made me happy, such as reading a book, going for a walk, or simply enjoying a cup…

‘The grass is always greener…’ is a phrase that has rung true for most of us at some point in our lives. Not so much raw jealousy or a seething desire to have what others have, but a milder mental itch; the idea that we want to keep up with those around us, or that others have it easier or better than we do. I know I’ve been guilty of this at times in my life and, chatting to my friends, it seems I’m not alone. As a child, I remember thinking that my family were much the same as any other – until I went inside the homes of my friends as a teenager. It was the first time I had been exposed to another family’s life and habits,…

Make time for friends While it’s tempting to make like a tortoise and crawl into a box until the warmer months return, most of us have a job, a family, and a life to live, and we need some energy and exuberance in our toolkit to keep it all going. It’s quite normal to feel less sociable in the winter months when it’s darker and colder, and that’s okay – some degree of quietening down and ‘wintering’ can be beneficial. However, research shows that our friendships play a key role in our happiness levels by raising levels of the feelgood hormones dopamine and oxytocin, so don’t clear your calendar completely – no matter how loudly the sofa calls. ‘The vagus nerve links to the part of the nervous system that…

Zinc is one of the most well known trace minerals and is integral to hundreds of reactions throughout the body. Celebrated for its ability to support our immune system, zinc is also involved in skin health, cell growth, inflammation, and so much more – however, its benefits for mental wellbeing are often overlooked. Viridian nutritionist and nutrition trainer Phil Beard unearths the hidden brain benefits zinc has to offer… Food for thought ‘Zinc acts as nourishment for your brain,’ says Beard. ‘One of its main actions is as a neuromodulator within our central nervous system, meaning it helps to relay messages. Not only this, zinc also helps regulate cell production and acts as an antioxidant within the brain, leaving you able to process things more clearly. When it comes to…

The old ways are calling us back, gently yet convincingly. Too long have we been disconnected from the earth and its rhythms, our ancestors and ourselves. This is my journey of remembering and reconnecting with the nourishing rhythms of life through the lens of Slavic lore: ancient mythology, sacred plants, and kitchen tables past. I believe that we have much to learn from this forgotten world. There’s no need to sugar-coat the past – the old Slavs lived extremely difficult lives. I don’t want to go back in time, to where I work the fields from sunrise to sundown, while rearing 12 children with no access to modern medicine. Yet in our speedy quest for ease, we are in danger of losing some fundamental life wisdom. Therefore, we are now…

Session two... Since our first session together, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Pat. She had spent most of the session in a state of distress, because her 38-year-old son (her only child) had cut her out of his life. She was feeling devastated – confused, abandoned, and isolated. All I had been able to offer her was my attention, and a safe, containing space in which she could share her feelings. But Pat looked happy to see me when she arrived for her next session, and there was a new energy about her. ‘I’m pleased I have found this haven. I had been scared to come to see you because my experience of telling other people my story has been so unhelpful. The fact that you just…

What do people mean when they say they ‘want to be happy’? Usually two things: First, they are saying they want to achieve (and keep) certain feelings – joyfulness, cheerfulness, or similar. Second, they are saying there is some obstacle to getting this feeling. ‘I want to be happy’ is almost always followed by ‘but…’ When we search for happiness, we may get glimpses of what it might feel like, but it doesn’t last. No one can master it consistently. If the secret to total happiness existed, we would have all found it by now. That’s because happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a direction. This might seem like disappointing news, but it isn’t. It’s the best news ever, because we can stop wondering what’s wrong with us because…

Recently, I moved my family from our old home to a new one. It feels strange to describe that massive shift in one short sentence, because the reality of uprooting my children from the only house some of them have known has taken endless planning. Our old house, which we had only intended to live in while the children were babies, finally became too small. I think and write a lot about what makes a home – what defines the place where we spend so much time. The house I live in has to work very hard, because it is not only where we eat and sleep, play and talk: we also learn and work here. There are days when our world feels very small; when we stay inside because…

Like the Eskimos and their 52 words for snow, we have a lot of words for crying. Weeping, sobbing, bawling, lacrimation. Eyes misting over, wailing, choking up. We burst into tears, dissolve into sobs, break down at a funeral, or lose it watching Bambi. We bewail and lament, shed tears and cry a river – sometimes we even cry our eyes out! And the reasons we cry are multifold, too. We cry when we’re sad, happy, stressed, relieved, exhausted, angry, in pain, disappointed – the list goes on and on. But why do we cry and what purpose does it serve? No other living thing in the animal kingdom cries when it’s upset, and when we already have a perfectly functional language system to communicate with each other through, why…

GSOH required! It’s always been a dating-profile cliché that women are looking for men with a good sense of humour, but now researchers have found that men really can laugh a woman into fancying them. University of Arkansas researchers ran a speed-dating style experiment with 162 women, who were shown photos of six similar-looking men, rated to be averagely attractive. An ‘icebreaker’ statement was provided from each one, which ranged from funny to unfunny jokes, to bland statements about their preferences. Where women thought the potential partner had made an amusing joke, they were significantly more likely to say they would give them their number. They rated them as more intelligent and with higher earning potential, too. Tall order Your child’s height isn’t down to genes, diet, and exercise alone.…

They say that this time of year reminds us how good it is to let things go. The beauty of fallen leaves, squished into pavements like paint splodges thrown by Jackson Pollock, is a reminder that sometimes we’re supposed to drop those things we’ve been hanging onto. In my bones, I know this to be true. And yet I still cling onto decaying fragments well into winter. This tendency to hold onto things that no longer serve me has been a constant in my life. I’ve stayed in jobs too long, given partners too many chances, stuffed my wardrobe full of clothes that no longer fit. Whenever I try to prise my hands off them, my brain plays a trick on me, running a highlights reel of all the moments…

I’m sitting in a café, notebook in front of me, scribbling down my memories about a time I was in hospital. I feel a sense of release as the words pour out. From illness to grief, motherhood to caring for loved ones, writing about personal experiences can help us feel less alone, and is important in challenging taboos and furthering important conversations. Look on the shelves of a bookshop and you’ll likely see dozens of memoirs where authors share something of themselves with readers who are anything from curious about another person’s life to hoping to see something of their experiences reflected in someone else’s words. The value of life writing I talked to Kate McBarron, a writing for wellbeing expert, about the power of personal writing. She tells me…

When we get towards the end of the year, with deadlines to meet and Christmas looming, it can be easy to lose a grip of the boundaries that keep us safe and happy. ‘We all have our own protective bubble that represents our personal space, needs, and capacity,’ says Tasha Bailey, ‘and in winter it won’t be the same as in summer.’ Bailey says it helps to consider the boundaries we have in place across the different areas of our life, from work to time, relationships to finances, to make sure we are functioning within a range that is healthy for us right now. ‘Isn’t it funny that one of the first words we learn as toddlers (‘No!) is the same word that so many of us struggle to say…

Stress less There’s plenty to get excited about at this time of year – but there’s no doubt that winter can send your stress levels soaring! ‘When you encounter a stressful situation, your body rallies its resources to help you prepare to confront and overcome the issue,’ say the experts at mental health and wellness community app TruConnect. ‘Your brain releases chemicals such as adrenaline to increase your heart rate and open up the airways in your lungs, to prepare you for fight or flight. Meanwhile, your body releases cortisol into the bloodstream, increasing alertness, preparing your body to withstand pain by putting the rest of your natural responses on hold. Exposure to chronic stress may mean your body fails to regulate your cortisol levels, leaving your stress response system…

Book of the month The Book You Want Everyone You Love To Read by Philippa Perry (Cornerstone, £18.99) Love is what makes the world go round, whether it’s romantic, familial, or friendly. And as a psychotherapist and agony aunt, Philippa Perry has observed every type at close quarters – and almost every problem that can occur in relationships. Now, she wants to help all of us to love better, exploring not how to do it, but how we argue, change, and find contentment. Perry’s writing is simultaneously authoritative and down to earth, with lots of real-life examples, and feels truly like a therapy session with a wise older woman. And her message is clear and achievable, too: start with yourself and the rest will follow. Do Hope: Why You Should…