Table of contents for March 2013 in Reader's Digest

My father was the kind of dad who wouldn’t let me take my driver’s test until I could parallel park. He taught me the trick by setting up cones in our driveway and took me to the DMV only when I could whip into position in a single try. (The state of Ohio didn’t care how I got into a parking space, but no daughter of his was going to hold up traffic as she nudged her way into a spot.) My father was the kind of dad who then wouldn’t let me drive anywhere until I could change a car’s tire by myself three times. (Flat tires were frightening and dangerous. Being helpless in the face of one? That was simply foolish.) My father was the kind of dad…

In case you missed it, go to readersdigest.com/recommends. Of Immediate Interest I’LL TAKE “FILE MY TAXES” FOR $400 Plug your to-do list into the EpicWin app and gamify your way through boring admin and chores to win points, gain treasure, and level up. Score. WHY WE BUY You know careful marketers influence you through packaging, but Psychology Today notes that round, red, or heavy items may nudge your brain to purchase. PEACE OUT, GERMS Avoid colds and flu with Halo Oral Antiseptic spray; a hospital study found it effectively killed 99.9 percent of infectious airborne germs. ART TOO WEIRD TO BE IGNORED The Museum of Bad Art (MOBA), near Boston, proudly displays sometimes unintentionally funny work that’s more Moaning Lisa than Mona Lisa (museum ofbadart.org). GAMERS VS. SURGEONS (AND GUESS…

Terriers and Tiaras A national cable network unveiled a new channel of programming exclusively for dogs. The Week asked its readers to come up with the name of the first hit sitcom for Dog TV. • Rex and the City • The Big Bone Theory • Gimme Kibble Live • How I Bit Your Mother • So You Think You Can Bark Fred’s father, grandfather, and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water to the bar across the lake for their first legal drinks. So when Fred’s 21st birthday came around, he rowed out to the middle of the lake, stepped out of the boat, and nearly drowned. Fred climbed back in and went to see his grandmother. “Grandma,” he asked, “it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t…

While you can’t undo a kitchen mistake, you can almost always salvage it. First, I let myself have a moment of mourning, and then I dig into my imagined catalog of dishes that have been cooked and eaten before. What does this exotic new thing want to be? A simple switch in direction can take a dish from flop to fantastic. IF YOU BURN VEGETABLES Turn them into a side dish. In the Mediterranean, charred vegetables are drizzled with good olive oil and enjoyed as a delicacy. Soft vegetables, like eggplant, tomatoes, and zucchini, can become a version of baba ghanoush. Mix together the flesh, a little of the skin, olive oil, and tahini for a smoky dip. IF YOUR DISH IS TOO SPICY Use it as a salsa or…

1During their divorce in 2009, Long Island, New York, doctor Richard Batista requested that his wife return the kidney he’d donated to her or pay him $1.5 million. A New York judge denied the request, ruling that the organ was a gift, not a marital asset. 2 Marvin Gaye couldn’t afford to pay alimony after his 1977 divorce from Anna Gordy, so the couple worked out a deal: All the royalties from Gaye’s next album would go to his ex-wife. Gaye’s double album Here, My Dear, a chronicle of the couple’s rocky relationship, was panned by critics and sold poorly. Oops! 3 As part of actor David Hasselhoff’s 2008 divorce settlement with Pamela Bach, he requested ownership of the nickname “Hoff” and the phrase “Don’t hassle the Hoff.” Bach got,…

POP STAR vs. ANCHOR Adam Levine, Maroon 5 front man: Dear Fox News, Don’t play our music on your evil channel ever again. Thank you. Andy Levy, Fox News: Why did Maroon 5 cross the road? Because crappy music is legal there! WRITER vs. ACTRESS Bret Easton Ellis: Kathryn Bigelow would be considered a mildly interesting filmmaker if she was a man, but since she’s a very hot woman she’s really overrated. Ellen Barkin: & if you were a “very hot woman” you’d still be a [bad] writer. SINGER vs. RAPPER Aimee Mann: There is no reason in the world anyone should ever have cast Ice T in a television show. Ice-T: Stop worrying about my acting and worry about your wack music.…

EAT: Less Fake Butter Whether spread on a bagel or poured over movie popcorn, many butter substitutes and flavorings contain diacetyl-based chemicals, which may harm brain cells. Diacetyl promotes the protein clumps in the brain that mark Alzheimer’s disease, according to scientists at the University of Minnesota. Researcher Ashish Vartak, PhD, says that the study is preliminary, but he and his colleagues have started avoiding diacetyl by snacking on unflavored popcorn (they add salt or herbs). As for movie popcorn: “Ordering it without the added buttery liquid should reduce diacetyl exposure.” GARGLE: with Lemonade A new study finds that sweet liquids boost resolve. The upside (for dieters): You don’t have to swallow them. A University of Georgia study has found that rinsing the mouth with sugar-sweetened lemonade helped students perform…

Sarah Hott had struggled with weight all her life, but when she had trouble walking down the narrow school bus aisle for her ride to work, she knew she had to change. “I was flipping through Reader’s Digest, and the people in a Digest Diet article seemed so believable,” says the 43-year-old teacher’s aide. She decided to try the 21-day plan (focusing on fat-releasing foods and sustainable habits) … and went on to lose 18 pounds in three weeks, then 73 pounds in eight months. “Chores aren’t hard anymore.” “Last year, my knees hurt so bad, I couldn’t climb on a chair to change a lightbulb,” Sarah says. “Now I feel comfortable in my skin.” Best of all, she adds, “my three daughters [ages 13 to 20] love to play…

TRBAODXITSIPORNINAGLS Serta Perfect Sleeper Essential $600* • Top padding layer: a mix of fibers and egg-crate foam (no memory foam) • 532 two-turn coils (fewer turns means less support) made from recycled steel • Continuous support: Springs move in three directions to adjust to movement • Nonadjustable bed frame Sealy Posturepedic Gel Series $1,000 • Top padding layer: resilient gel memory foam for better back support • 759 six-turn coils made from titanium alloy • CoreSupport Center: Center third of the mattress is packed with extra coils to support the heaviest part of your body • Adjustable bed frame MEMORY FOAM Simmons ComforPedic $1,500 • Next-generation memory foam and hundreds of individually sculpted cushions contour to any body shape • AirCool foam has an open cell structure, which dissipates body…

1 Red Sox Sell Homer Hero 1919 Sox owner Harry Frazee sells baseball’s biggest star to the Yankees for $125,000. Babe Ruth proceeds to hit 665 homers and lead the Yanks to four World Series in the next 15 seasons. The cursed Sox wait 86 years to win their next series. 2 Girl Hijacks Game 1968 NBC’s broadcast of a key NFL game between the Jets and Raiders runs long due to injury and penalty time-outs. With one minute to go and the Jets leading 32–29, the network switches to the movie Heidi, the story of a Swiss orphan girl. Oakland scores twice in the last minute to win 43–32. 3 Ill-Timed Time-Out 1993 University of Michigan basketball star Chris Webber calls a time-out with 11 seconds left as his…

A few months ago, we dared you, dear readers, to share your funny tales of rotten supervisors and laughable managers. Hundreds of you wrote in, sure that you had a tale of woe worthy of the $1,000 grand prize. To help judge this Worst Boss Contest, we called on Rainn Wilson and asked him to use the knowledge he’s gleaned over the years playing Dwight Schrute—the megalomaniacal, power-hungry social misfit on NBC’s The Office. Here are our finalists, with the winning (or is it losing?) anecdote at the end. 1 My boss likes to save pennies. How much? I caught him in the break room retrieving paper cups from the trash can and shoving them back into the dispenser next to the watercooler. He didn’t even bother wiping off the…

Here’s what to eat—and avoid—to prevent and treat everyday ills. In 1997, we published our pioneering, top-selling book Foods That Harm, Foods That Heal. New research has emerged, and our understanding of how food affects our bodies is richer than ever. So we updated the original, including cutting-edge studies on 170 foods and 100-plus conditions. You’ll also find quick and simple ways to cook and eat your favorites. Get your copy at rd.com/foodsthatheal or wherever books are sold, or simply take a picture of this code with your phone.…

IRAN, THEN IFLEW Can CIA agent Tony Mendez, played by Ben Affleck, extract six American diplomatic fugitives from 1979 revolutionary Iran? Perhaps—if they pretend to be a Canadian film crew scouting locations for a movie, a Star Wars knockoff, in ARGO. VERDICT: Details may be wrong, but the movie is powerful because it looks absolutely right and is based on more than a grain of truth. “It’s a good story in real life, and that’s why the film is good,” says Mark Lijek, one of the six rescued fugitives. SCENE STEALERS Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world in 1987, Julianne Hough had to walk into the one owned by Alec Baldwin on Sunset Strip. He’s tough, but she does her best to convince…

Just two weeks after completing the New York City marathon, Nebraska teacher and track coach Andrea Kabourek, 32, learned she had breast cancer. Irreverent, tough, and optimistic, she sailed through her double mastectomy and chemotherapy, missing only six days of teaching while she received eight rounds of powerful, cancer-killing drugs. The chemotherapy was successful, and Kabourek thought she had beaten cancer. She went back to her two loves: teaching and travel. But just about a year later, in 2011, Kabourek found herself winded after running halfway around the track and then walking up a single flight of stairs. This time, she was diagnosed with leukemia, which most likely developed as a “side effect” of her original chemotherapy treatment. “It’s like the small print on the back of the bottle,” says…

… Differently From high above, these fish traps in Kosi Bay, South Africa, form a mysteriously lovely pattern on water rich with algae. Generations of fishermen have worked in the bay—really a series of four interlinking lakes surrounded by a nature preserve. The area is known for biodiversity: In addition to abundant spotted grunter, rock salmon, and bream, it’s home to 250 species of birds, plus crocodiles and hippos. Happily, trap fishing is both successful and sustainable.…

Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman (Twelve, $27.99) “The last few years, it has been argued that the secret to success in any activity is accumulating ten years’ worth of deliberate, effortful practice. It’s what makes you an expert. Stick with it, and you’ll have a chance to succeed. As that argument was spread far and wide, we felt that something was missing from the success formula … The winner is not the person who practiced more. It’s who competes better. It’s who lives up to the moment when the band is playing, the lights are bright, and the judges are watching … And the truth is, nobody puts in ten years of experience before he starts competing. The world doesn’t work…

Nine months pregnant with twins, I bellied up to the supermarket meat bin in search of the perfect roast. The butcher appeared from the back and asked, “May I help you?” “No, thank you,” I said. “I’m just looking.” A minute later, he returned. “Can I help you?” “No, I’m just looking,” I repeated. A few minutes later, he appeared yet again, asking the same annoying question. “I’m just looking!” I said testily. “In that case, ma’am,” he said politely, “would you please step back a bit? Your stomach is pressing our service bell.” Shirley Kraselsky, Pensacola, Florida Hold the Presses! Here’s what’s in the headlines: • “Smoking Fish Sets Off Fire in Harborcreek” Erie Times-News • “Florida Reporter Completes Sentence” Editor and Publisher After downing half a glass of…

The Optimism Balm I received the Optimism Issue two days after the horrific Newtown, Connecticut, shooting. In a world where there is so much evil and negativity, these stories and quotes, like the one from Billy Graham, lightened the heaviness on my heart. I love getting RD in the mail—and even more so this month. Suzanne Woodard, Fairmount, Illinois As I read Michael J. Fox’s brilliantly descriptive writing, I was tempted to feel sorry for him (“The Year of Optimism”). However, the final lines showed me what a passionate and positive person Mr. Fox is. In spite of severe health limitations, he sees life, love, and family for what they really are all about. I struggled with my own health issues this past year. If he can do it, I…

Photographer Teresa Berg replaces a Rottweiler’s collar with a bright pink scarf. She picks the perfect string of pearls to complement a dachshund’s coat. She’s taking glamour shots of shelter dogs, from miniature poodles to Great Danes, in the hopes that her spiffed-up subjects will be adopted more quickly. “Most photos show dogs in cages, looking dirty and mangy,” says Berg, 56. “I consider my work like an antismoking campaign. We have to make adopting cool.” When her father wouldn’t allow her a dog of her own as a kid, Berg roamed her Minneapolis neighborhood rounding up homeless canines and hiding them in the family garage. “As soon as my dad came home from work, he would let them go,” Berg recalls. Her father did, however, show her how to…

Use our go-to basic pancake recipe, right, your own recipe, or your favorite boxed mix. Adjust mix-ins and toppings according to the amount of batter and your own taste. Cake Batter Substitute yellow cake mix for half the flour; fold in colorful sprinkles. Top with frosting. tablespoon.com Rainbow Pancakes Divide batter among several bowls, one for each desired color. Add food coloring to each; prepare as instructed. Inspired by artist Henry Hargreaves Caramelized Bananas Sauté sliced bananas in canola oil; add a few spoonfuls of brown sugar and a pinch of salt. Serve over pancakes. Corn Cakes Add ½ cup cornmeal and 1 cup frozen (thawed) corn kernels. Serve with honey—or salsa and sour cream! S’mores Make chocolate chip pancakes; top with marshmallow crème and graham cracker crumbs. Red Velvet…

I’ve been in the television business for more than two decades, since college. My dad and I were very close, and over the years, I told him that it was only a matter of time before I moved to Los Angeles. He would say, “As long as I’m around, you’re not going anywhere. You and I are like glue.” Dad was a real blue-collar guy—he and his brother owned a drapery and home design business in Cranford, New Jersey, where I grew up. My father had a big personality; he was very charming. He didn’t want me to move across the country, in an unstable career, because he knew what might happen. He would say, “OK, the show fails, and you’re out of a job, and now you’re in California.…

Last fall, in the days following Hurricane Sandy, hundreds of New Yorkers lined up not for tickets to a hot Broadway show but for their turn to use a pay phone. The storm had knocked out 25 percent of the cell phone towers from New Hampshire to North Carolina, leaving millions of people without cell service and forcing them into the streets to search for the no-longer-ubiquitous telephone booth. Even with this almost quaint resurgence, landlines have been mostly turned into vintage holdovers by the rise of the mobile phone. By 2006, about 10 percent of households had ditched their landlines completely, and between 2008 and 2011, the number of wireless-only households nearly doubled. Even pay phones in major cities and elsewhere fell into disrepair. “Landlines in homes began to…

If you’ve ever misread an earnest e-mail, text, or tweet as a snarky comment, you’ll agree: It’s time we can show we’re being tongue-in-cheek with a few simple keystrokes. Some ideas: Slate.com writer Josh Greenman suggests, perhaps sarcastically, that we implement a “sarcasm point,” an upside-down exclamation mark denoting snark. “It will introduce finesse,” he says. Aliza Licht, Donna Karan senior vice president of global communications and self-proclaimed sarcasm addict, uses this mark to let her Twitter followers know that she is being, well, you know. Typographer Glenn McAnally founded the Sarcastic Font group and lets you download “left-leaning” italics at glennmcanally.com. The Michigan software company that created the SarcMark calls it sarcasm’s official punctuation. Download it free at sarcmark.com.…

You might see yourself as completely symmetrical when you look in the mirror, but hidden imbalances can cause knee, heel, back, neck, and even headache pain over time. To find out if your body is balanced, try this self-test recommended by Phil Vasyli, an Australian podiatrist and biomechanics expert who works with holistic wellness pioneer Dr. Andrew Weil. Put two scales side by side, hip distance apart, in front of a mirror. (Calibrate them so they match.) Stand with one foot on each scale so feet, knees, and hips are aligned. Now check the numbers. • If the scales register within one and three pounds of each other, that signals a relatively balanced body. • If the difference between the two scales is three to five pounds, that’s a warning…

Fast-Free Cholesterol Testing Your morning muffin or lunchtime sandwich may not affect your cholesterol test results much after all. Canadian scientists analyzed blood cholesterol levels of more than 200,000 people who had eaten anywhere from an hour to more than 16 hours before testing. They found the average readings for total and HDL (“good”) cholesterol varied by less than 2 percent, regardless of how recently people had eaten. The researchers hope their results will make it easier for more people to have the test. Source: Archives of Internal Medicine Validation for Chemo Patients Cancer patients being treated with chemotherapy often complain of memory problems and difficulty concentrating—a condition dubbed chemo brain. Now PET scans show that there’s real physiological evidence for these complaints. Specific areas of the brain associated with…

It will probably never happen to you. According to an MIT study, you could take a single flight every day for 38,000 years before dying in a plane crash. Now, that’s a fair amount of vacation time. Yet in one of the largest airline safety tests ever attempted, Discovery TV crashed a Boeing 727 loaded with more than half a million dollars’ worth of crash test dummies, 38 specialized cameras and sensors, and a crew of skydiving pilots to better understand how passengers can protect themselves if their aircraft goes down. The good news, says one study: 96 percent of crash victims survive. Sources: ABC News, Wired, Time, Popular Mechanics, BBC News 1 Opt for an exit row The best seat in the house was in the rear emergency-exit row…

Words at Work Roll up your sleeves and punch in for this quiz of on-the-job vocabulary. If the grind wears you down, turn the page for answers (or see this month’s “50 Dssssssssssssssssumb Boss Stories,” page 96, for a quick, fun break!). 1. oeuvre (’oo-vruh) n.—A: job opening. B: body of work. C: French chef. 2. arduous (’ar-je-wus) adj.—A: passionate. B: cheap. C: difficult. 3. bum’s rush (bumz rush) n.—A: mass retail markdown. B: five o’clock traffic. C: forcible eviction or firing. 4. functionary (’funksheh-nar-ee) n.—A: jack-of-all-trades. B: number cruncher. C: one who works in a specified capacity or as a government official. 5. remunerate (ri-’myuneh-rayt) v.—A: pay for work. B: do the same job repeatedly. C: break a contract. 6. proletariat (proh-leh-’ter-ee-et) n.—A: working class. B: head honcho. C:…

People ask me all the time, “Rainn, what makes a great boss?” Two words: leader and ship. People will then respond, “Rainn, that’s actually one word.” And then I will have them sent to my private “rehabilitation chamber,” the one next to my trailer on the set of The Office, and they’ll never be heard from again. You see, by leadership, I’m not talking about the ability to communicate, listen, or know that leadership is actually one word. No, a great boss inspires his legions through power, like North Korea’s Kim Jong-un. Plus, he has a spiffy title: Supreme Leader. That sounds way better than vice president in charge of sales. OK, yes, disappearances and murders of rivals may be taking it a step too far. And frankly, it’s bad…

DOGTOOTH PEAK, in Central California’s Sierra National Forest, towers 10,300 feet above sea level, jutting from the surrounding rock like a hand reaching for the sky. On a Thursday morning last July, three friends eyed the peak and began the ascent from the alpine lakeside where they’d spent the second night of a camping trip. The group, all experienced hikers, wasn’t daunted by the two-mile stretch up gradually rising switchbacks to the peak’s base. But the last 200-to 300-yard trudge toward the summit was a different story. When the trio rounded a bend and saw the rocky ascent to the peaks, the eldest of the trio, 72-year-old Birde Newborn, turned back. She suffered from heart trouble and didn’t want to push her limits. Her companions, Larry Bishop and Cerena Childress,…

• FROM O, the Oprah Magazine IN THE BEGINNING, SHE WAS MY BIG SISTER: three years older, a head taller, and—I knew even then—not like the rest of us. As I grew up, she became my little sister, whom I protected from mean boys and the word retard. She became literally littler too: Today the fluffy top of her head barely grazes my shoulder, and I’m no giant myself. When people ask about Betty’s “mental age,” I never know what to say. We’re in our 50s now, shaped by the slings and arrows of fortune both outrageous and ordinary. The gap in our physical age broadens as her teeth loosen and her bones crumble; but the intellectual chasm that divides us, once so obvious and immutable, widens and narrows in…

• QUIT SMOKING. Smoking dramatically raises the risk for 15 different cancers and interferes with your immune system’s ability to fight off malignant cells. Contact your state’s quit line (1-800-QUITNOW), or ask your physician or local American Cancer Society office about programs for survivors. • GET MOVING. There’s strong evidence that physical activity lessens the risk of many cancers. American College of Sports Medicine guidelines strongly recommend that cancer survivors avoid inactivity (even during tough treatments) and, to the extent they are able, work up to 150 minutes of moderate exercise a week. • SHED EXCESS POUNDS. Obesity increases breast, colorectal, endometrial, esophageal, kidney, and pancreatic cancer risk. Excess weight may contribute to cancer risk by altering levels of hormones and weakening the immune system. • CUT BACK ON COCKTAILS.…

DECEMBER 16, 2012 To all the families, first responders, to the community of Newtown, clergy, guests: Scripture tells us, “Do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.” We gather here in memory of 20 beautiful children and six remarkable adults. They lost their lives in a…

Lifesaving Lessons: Notes from an Accidental Mother by Linda Greenlaw (Viking, $26.95) She’s the only female swordfish boat captain in the United States, and her survival skills became legend after she was portrayed in the movie The Perfect Storm. But the never-married Greenlaw met her match when she took on guardianship of a troubled teenage girl. Here, she chronicles their relationship with candor, wit, and rugged tenderness. With or Without You by Domenica Ruta (Spiegel & Grau, $25) “My mother grabbed the iron poker from the fireplace and said, ‘Get in the car.’” That’s the opening line of Ruta’s fierce, smart account of a devastating childhood, in a memoir drawing comparisons to The Glass Castle. Not surprisingly, Ruta, whose mother was an addict, struggled with her own demons; her memoir…

Steve Buscemi We accept the love we think we deserve. Stephen Chbosky The world has always been fragile. Just ask the dinosaurs. Michael Shannon Celebrate what you’ve accomplished, but also raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed. Mia Hamm The great arrogance of the present is to forget the intelligence of the past. Ken Burns All that is really worth the doing is what we do for others. Lewis Carroll You have to create the quiet to be able to listen to the very faint voice of your intuition. Jon Favreau We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up … discovering we have the strength to stare it down. Eleanor Roosevelt FINISH THIS SENTENCE: THERE…

Since we published the remarkable story of how Kerry Lee Albright survived the Buffalo Creek flood, RD readers have been reaching out to Albright via his profile page. The letters of support inspired him to post this message: “Thanks to Facebook, I can get a glimpse into the world of these kind folks. It’s such a diverse group. Reader’s Digest clearly attracts good and interesting people.” Here are three of those posts: “You are/were truly a miracle baby. Your mom must have been a very special lady, and your dad—well, he obviously did a fine job in caring for and encouraging you.” June Goddard “As I was reading your story, my heart went out to the entire town. I can’t imagine the horror that the families of the Buffalo Creek…

One evening last fall, while Marcos Ugarte did his homework and his father, Eduardo, a teacher, prepared lesson plans, they heard yelling outside. Eduardo, 47, and Marcos, 15, stepped onto the porch of their two-story contemporary home in Troutdale, Oregon, and saw a commotion four doors down, outside the home of one of their neighbors, the Ma family. “I didn’t think anything was wrong,” Eduardo recalls. “I told Marcos we should give them some privacy.” He headed back inside, but Marcos’s eye was caught by a glow from the Ma house. “Dad, the house is on fire!” Marcos cried. Clad only in shorts, the barefoot teen sprinted toward the Mas’ home with his dad. Grandmother Yim Ma, mother Suzanne Ma, and son Nathan Ma were gathered on the front lawn…

Separate Egg Yolks and Whites All you need is a little help from a clean, empty water bottle. Crack an egg into a shallow bowl, then hold the mouth of the bottle near the yolk and gently squeeze. When you release the squeeze, the yolk will be sucked out, and you can deposit it into another bowl. Drink Soda with a Straw Swirl that little pop-top tab around 180 degrees after opening. Voilà! A perfect holder that keeps your straw in the upright and locked position. Properly Dispense One Tic Tac Flip the container upside down, shake, and slowly open the lid while—this is the important part—the container remains partially upside down. A single mint will be your reward. Reporting by Lauren Gniazdowski ILLUSTRATIONS BY JASON LEE…

FROM Huffington Post “Empty nester!” friends exclaim. “How is it?” Just as I thought it would be. And different. I had expected to have more free time after my sons, Evan and Alex, each left for college, and I do. The kitchen calendar looks spare. Family dinner is no longer a requirement. There is a lot less laundry. When the boys were infants, I wondered how I’d spent all the hours before they were born. Now that I have those hours back, I marvel at how I managed to cram their needs and mine into each day. I had also expected to worry about them when they were away. And I do. Did they get their flu shots? Will they remember the talks about “good choices”? On the other hand,…

According to America’s favorite satirical newspaper, the Onion, a “study” by the FCC has determined that 81 percent of calls made over pay phones begin with “Please don’t hang up” and end with uncontrollable sobbing. This “report” supposedly surveyed a sample of public phone conversations and “confirmed that the remaining 19 percent of pay-phone calls are wrong numbers caused by frantically misdialing one’s parole officer, ex-girlfriend, bookie, or AA sponsor.” The study may be fake, but we think it’s no joke. theonion.com…

1 Sure, I can give you some meds to dampen the pain. But the best doctors will talk to you about the cause, whether it’s your lack of activity, your stress level, a condition like arthritis, or your bad mattress. 2 Heat or ice? Use an ice pack for acute injuries, to minimize blood flow and reduce swelling and pain. Use heat to loosen muscles and stiff joints and help you feel more mobile. 3 Any doctor can hang a shingle that says “I treat pain.” Look for doctors who are board-certified in pain medicine or who did a fellowship in something pain-related. 4 Your back and neck (and often shoulder) pain likely have little or nothing to do with your abnormal MRI. Studies show that if you perform an…

1 Lymph Node Check Take the pads of your fingers and gently roll them over your neck, feeling for little nodules. Do the same in your armpits (press a little harder) and groin. You may feel no bumps, or small, rubbery nodules that are freely mobile and don’t hurt much when pressed. Both are OK. But visit a doctor if you notice any bumps that are: •over half an inch in diameter • fixed in place • hard rather than rubbery • underneath red or tender skin Most inflamed lymph nodes are not serious. Occasionally, though, lymph nodes that are hard or swollen can indicate conditions like leukemia or lymphoma. 2 Root Canal Predictor If you’ve been having tooth pain, use this test to determine whether you might need a…

For Real Bargain Hunters FORD FIESTA Starting price: $13,200 Fuel economy: Up to 37 mpg Our lowest-price pick, this compact sedan offers practicalities like a fuel-efficient engine and a keypad door lock (never fumble for your keys again!). Plus, you get the Ford SYNC multimedia interface, which uses voice recognition to make calls and play your favorite music. For High-Tech Drivers KIA SOUL Starting price: $14,400 Fuel economy: Up to 30 mpg The starting price affords features such as Bluetooth hands-free connectivity and a USB port for audio players. Opt for the Eco package to get great mileage, low rolling resistance tires, and a powerful battery. For a Spacious Trunk HONDA FIT Starting price: $15,425 Fuel economy: Up to 33 mpg This impressive hatchback is the highest-rated model in the…

1) COMIC BOOK GUY (from The Simpsons) 2) BARBIE 3) THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY 4) PEPPERMINT PATTY (from Peanuts) 5) WINNIE THE POOH 6) CASPER, THE FRIENDLY GHOST 7) SHAGGY (from Scooby-Doo) 8) MR. MONOPOLY a) Edward Bear B) Casper McFadden C) Norville Rogers D) Milburn Pennybags E) Patricia Reichardt F) Jeff Albertson G) Poppin’ Fresh H) Barbara Millicent Roberts ANSWERS: 1) F, 2) H, 3) G, 4) E, 5) A, 6) B, 7) C, 8) D Source: BuzzFeed…

During inspection, a female officer asked our very nervous corporal what his first general order was. “Sir, this cadet’s first general order is to take charge of this post and all government property in view, sir!” Excellent response, except for one detail. “Do I look like a ma’am or a sir?” the officer demanded. The startled corporal bellowed back, “Sir, you’re a ma’am, sir!” Matt Wakefield, Kent, Washington When a coworker from my old firm was deployed abroad, the boss placed this sticky note on his door: “Stepped out. Back in 12 months.” Joyce Huang, San Diego, California Classic We Love Our personnel officer, annoyed by a report from his secretary that soldiers were using the copying machine for personal documents, posted this notice: “Troops are not to tamper with…

ADAPTED FROM Foods That Harm, Foods That Heal, a completely updated nutrition guide. 1 FIGS: A rare fruit source of calcium, figs may help prevent the bone loss associated with aging. They’re also very high in fiber, which may reduce the risk of colon, breast, and prostate cancers. Eat them like this: Slice fresh, unpeeled figs, and serve with cheese or on a salad; toss dried figs into trail mix. Figs that aren’t completely ripe can irritate the mouth, so look for soft, aromatic ones. 2 BEETS: Nutrient-packed beets may sharpen your mind. They produce nitric acid, which helps increase blood flow throughout your body—including the areas of the brain that are associated with degeneration and dementia. Eat them like this: Roast, then puree beets into a dip with Greek…

TOOTHPASTE from the tube According to tests by Consumer Reports, what seems like an empty tube may still hold up to 13 percent of its contents. To get to the rest, run the tube under hot water for a minute or two. It will soften, enabling you to roll it up tighter to get a few more brushfuls. Then use scissors to cut one side of the tube open lengthwise so you can rub your brush around inside. Or you can make the job even easier. Squeeze Ease Tube Squeezers ($3, containerstore.com) slide up the toothpaste tube and flatten it for you. REPETITIONS out of a set Instead of counting up to your goal, count down from it. According to fitness trainer Joe Vennare of the-hybrid athlete.com, counting up while…

• FROM THE BOOK Father’s Day MY SON ZACH WAS BORN WITH brain damage that occurred during his birth. His brother Gerry—older by three minutes—is fine. Zach is now 24, but his comprehension skills are roughly that of an eight-or nine-year-old. He can read, but he doesn’t understand many of the sentences. He can’t add a hundred plus a hundred, although he does know the result is “a lot.” I took him to see the movie Spartacus when he was nine, and after a blood-flowing scene at a Roman villa where Kirk Douglas singlehandedly killed two million buffed-up soldiers with a plastic knife, he turned to me and said, “Look, Dad! A pool!” He has always loved pools. As Zach grew out of childhood, I never knew how much he…

FROM THE BOOK My Inappropriate Life at Chelsea Lately, we were able to get financial guru Suze Orman to come in, and we filmed her giving financial advice to a few of the writers. I was lucky enough to be one of them—or so I thought. She seemed nice enough and had extremely white teeth, which highlighted her Suze hair. We started talking, and I immediately liked her. I stared at the famous pair of earrings Suze wears every day; she has bought only, like, two pairs of earrings in her whole life, and that’s why she is so wealthy. (Can you imagine opening a lemonade stand with her as a kid? She would be so serious, keeping books, not giving samples, and talking all the time about how she…

by Joyce Carol Oates (Ecco, $27.99) Joyce Carol Oates’s new novel—a masterly Gothic tale that enfolds history (three presidents are characters), racism, sexism, and questions of privilege and justice, plus some supernatural elements—takes place in Princeton, New Jersey, from 1905 to 1906. We asked: RD: What drew you to this period in history? Oates: This was a very exciting time politically, culturally, and morally. Much is beginning to stir: women’s suffrage, labor disputes and strikes, and new inventions like “motorcars.” RD: You first started writing the novel in 1984, then set it aside, wrote many other books, and returned to it in 2012. What made you walk away from it and then come back? Oates: Every several years, I would revisit the manuscript and begin to rewrite it. Each time…

Social-Media Snoop My husband reconnected with an old girlfriend on Facebook. It’s not a secret, and as far as I know (and believe), he’s always been faithful. I logged in to his page and found a few messages between him and his old flame. There was nothing romantic, mostly just catching up, but I did notice that she is recently divorced and lives just a couple of hours from us. Should I tell him this virtual friendship bothers me and ask him to end it? Worried Wife Dear Worried, Asking him to end it is going way too far. He hasn’t been deceptive. But a conversation is definitely in order. Reestablishing boundaries is critical in our brave new social-media world, which constantly changes and keeps us all guessing. Thank hubby…